I was so exhausted when I went to bed that I slept right through my son and his friends having a raging weed and heavy metal party in the yard all thru the night. As the sun came up, the party was still in full swing and my phone had blown up with messages complaining about the noise and the smell.
So I wake up in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs ‘WHAT’S GOIN’ ON?’
Edit: so happy that one of my home-made dad-jokes is so well-received :) thanks, everyone!
I peed in the corners of our yard to send a message to all nearby coyotes…
Text message conversation with my dad the other day, where I out-dadded him.
Dad: Give me your best knock knock joke. Or jokes. Do it when you can no rush.
Me: Does it have to be a knock knock joke or can it be any joke?
Dad: Knock Knock.
Me: Who’s there?
I got ten voicemails from Jamaica in the span of an hour. Each message was a separate Bob Marley song.
Some was obviously jammin my phone.
This is by far the best pun of the day , the journalist really drove the message home!
I was asked to put either an inspirational quote or a joke on the message board at work.
Imagine being held at gunpoint (bear with me) by a literate animal, and the only hope of rescue is (BEAR WITH ME) posting a coded message on Reddit.
Told my wife to message the lawn person
Because we are taking our fence down.
She came back, stopped me, just to ask "Is there a mower emoji?
I said: is that really an emojency?
38, first original joke from an unoriginal dad. Had to share.
Sweet revenge:) (also the edit is because I had to translate the message so sorry about that)
I have been accused of writing a long series of messages about the song "I'm Too Sexy"
But I would like to reassure everyone that I did not write said thread.
If you get a message from the government warning not to eat tinned meat because is contains Covid-19, just ignore it.
What do you call an important message to the staff of a building materials company?
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
My Dad comes into my room looking really worried, I ask him what was wrong and if there was anything I could do to help, He responds by saying "I lost the book which had all the photos and message from my friends"
Knowing a slam book could not be replaced I tried consoling him, but I remembered digitalized it for him a year ago I quickly logged on to the PC to check if I had a backup. He quickly smiled and said it had a Blue cover, after about 10mins of searching I asked him if he remembered what I named the book. He burst out and said Facebook.
Frustrated I left the room to find my entire family sitting in the hall, and my mother goes "He did it to you too, didn't he"
And I'm here perplexed by the lengths a dad would go for his jokes.
A friend sent me a text apologizing for the atrocious grammatical errors in his last message. I told him not to worry
I created a Linux background process for the Message Analysis Test Tool.
I call it the MATT DAEMON!!!
The Office sent out an automated message to all the junk emails that they were getting
Dunder Mifflin this is spam
The error message on fat bastards screen when his computer crashed
My husband (who is a dad) dad joked me over text message for the first time today.
Me: I turned Pandora off, but it is still playing and I would have to completely close all my school work tabs to shut the stupid thing down. Several songs later, and it still won't go away. ):|
Him: You have opened Pandora's Box.
I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area,
Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.
Not a joke per se, but definitely fits - I texted my daughter "in a bottle" and then waited for her to ask "what's this I don't get it. How come out of the blue you just randomly send me the message 'in a...' ... I hate you"
Had potential to misfire but worked perfectly.
Also, the other day my wife left a Monster energy drink under her bed, and we waited for her to come and ask "ok who put this monster under my bed?"
Mix it up a little. Text a random number the following message:
The fat one won't fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today... She wrote it on a sticky note
Why didn't the inmate understand his wife's message?
She didn't give any context.
My wife gave the childrens' message at church today.
You could say it was the "momily."
My friends sometime ask me why I yell at them all the time over instant message about this amazing new business opportunity I’m involved in that I’m really excited about! They also ask me if maybe if shift key on my keyboard is broken.
But I reply “NO I AM A CAPITALIST”
Message to the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camo jacket
You can hide, but you can't run!
My dad's the kind that types messages with too many exclamations... I guess I got my hopes up with his new iPod.
How do spies send secret messages in the forest?
I think the clock on my phone is broken, it's only displaying an error message.
Going down the highway today I saw a sign that said "test message"
How in the world do they expect me to have time to test it when I'm going past at 60 mph?
Never leave a message at the Sea World hotline.
They might use your call for training porpoises.
Did you hear about the new fabric that can send text messages?
Unicode has a code point for messages from Athens about a summit between the leaders of France and China.
GREEK CAPITAL LETTER XI WITH MACRON
My voicemail prompts the caller to leave his or her name and number. My dad’s response on his most recent message:
My name is, Dad and my number is one. Always number one!
The back-up camera in my car always shows the message, "Check your surroundings for Safety".
I always check, but haven't seen safety yet.
I hate the warning message "for external use only" on antiseptic creams.
Yes yes I get it. You don't have to rub it in.
My dad sent me something in the mail and included this message.
http://i.imgur.com/9aj1lmg.jpg
If only I could hear the groan through text message
My wife sent me a picture of our baby. This was the exchange that followed:
Me: Look at those cheeks! They are huge!
Her: It is the angle, I am sure. The camera adds 10 pounds.
Me: How many cameras are you using?!
I was in the supermarket when I got a message on my phone telling me there were 24 singles in my area.
Think I'm going to delete the Kraft Cheese app.
How do spies send secret messages in the forest?
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