Why did Frosty the Snowman take up meditation?

He couldn’t afford a meltdown…

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thermbug
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2023
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A sorcerer of the mystic arts shared an elevator with me and started meditating…

It was Wong on so many levels.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iced_milo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2022
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Why did the dyslexic cow go to the meditation retreat?

just to say OOOOOM.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2022
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What does the electrician say when he meditates?

Oooohm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/w0zzie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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What did the monk say to the police officer who asked him to stop meditating in the road?

Namaste

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evilrawrman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2021
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Why did the wolf meditate?

To become aware wolf!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
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What did the electrical engineer say while meditating?

Ohmmmm.... Ohmm....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/romulusnr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2016
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Did you guys hear about the guy who meditated in the middle of a storm?

He said it was a very β€œin lightening” experience.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cananbaum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?

Fro-zen!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thanosisntwrong
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
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My dad doesn’t use the internet so I must be the prophet who spreads the good word of bad jokes

We’ve been in a bad joke email war for some time now. It’s been so long, I don’t remember how it started. It may have happened when I moved out after staying with him and my mom for a while.

Long story short: I’ve got a lot of dad jokes to share with y’all, because we are constantly sending β€œdad jokes” to each other. And I have hundreds of jokes that are LITERALLY from my dad.

All the best jokes? They are headed your way!

Here’s some to get you started. I am copying and pasting them exactly as he writes in the email so you can get the full β€œdad” effect. He’s 72.

Everyone who can, take a moment out of your day to call your dad.

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

the male pumpkin told the female pumpkin ................you look gourdish today boo me love dad

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

Exaggeration is a billion times better than understatement..........................love, dad

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

Is it true that if you teach a wolf to meditate it becomes an "aware wolf" ?

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

If swimming is good for your figure how do you explain whales?

Bad aina, I almost didn't send it.......................................Love dad

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”

Have a good night everyone, and see you soon!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Queen_Of_Ashes_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2021
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The Monk and The Cow

A monk sits at the peak of a hill that overlooks where the grassy Earth meets a river, the river flows with a breeze, and the breeze explores a mountain range, and the mountains neighbor the sky, and the sky conceals the entire universe, hiding the unknown in plain sight. The monk exhales "Ooooomm". He repeats this until a noise, very faint, breaks his chant.

"moo."

The monk stops for a moment but, without changing his position, dismisses it. "Ooooooommm." He begins again.

He's interrupted again, "moooo."

The monk turns to find a cow looking up at him from the bottom of the hill. "Kind cow," the monk says, "please do not interrupt my meditation."

The cow stares blankly back at the monk. The monk sighs and continues.

"Oooooommmm-"

Even louder, "Mmmooooooooo."

"Dear cow, I must reach enlightenment. Please, refrain from making your cow noises or find another hill."

The monk continues again, "Oooooooommmm-"

"MMMmmoooooooooooO!" The cow exclaims.

The monk stands up angrily, "Cow! Why must you interrupt my chanting?"

The cow replies, "Because you're saying it backwards!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconbuddy95
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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Need help with a pun!

I recently posted a picture of a peaceful looking, meditating waldo with a title that reads "Plot twist. Waldo finds himself". My uncle replied with the awesome pun: "Waldo is my "om" boy!"

I need a pun to compete! Thanks for any help.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ibcurlyfry
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2015
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A beautiful tradition

Martial arts is as much spiritual training as it is physical training. In fact, there is a school of martial arts in Korea where practitioners would spend large portions of the day just meditating.

As they train their spirits to ponder over their place in the universe, the practitioners would also train their bodies to forgo the needs of the physical world. The practitioners would endure days on end without sleep, and live on a single loaf of bread for an entire month.

As they meditate, they would repeat the mantra: β€œI am one with the universe, it sleeps not so I shall not sleep. This bread is my only worldly attachment but I shall only TAKE ONE DOUGH”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Charlemagnalpaca
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
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I can picture the powers of the future, stronger than ever, and the resistance fighting desperately against them for freedom...

Before every battle, the resistors meditate saying, "ohm..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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During a recent painful procedure at my dentist's office...

It was suggested by his assistant that I keep my thoughts focused on my "happy place". I said, "No problem, I practice transcen-dental meditation" Not even a snicker from the two of them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aceoftrachs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2015
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Last night i caught a burglar in my living room. He was super chilled and smelled of incense.

I think the break-in was pre-meditated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/procrastiprov
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
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Heard this one at a temple in my city

Yesterday I was at a Thai Buddhist temple in my city. The secondary meditation instructor was just chatting with the group a bit before things began. He was explaining to me that on Sundays the temple has language classes. Someone else asked if he spoke Thai, he then explained to us that he didn't complete all the courses and considers himself.......A Thai School Drop out.

I laughed so much harder than I should have at this, mainly because I had been trying to think of some dadjokes earlier that day. Universe provided.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IceJudge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2015
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Dear daughter: Rules for usage of your prom dress I just spent an hour ironing

This was my contribution to my daughter's prom tonight.

Posted it to FB and gave my daughter some advice:

[daughter],

Today I learned that ironing is good meditation. While getting your dress ready, I came up with some rules:

Rule 1: Do not sit down in this dress, even (especially!) in a car. Sitting down will cause wrinkles, especially in the buttocks area. Long, 3-mile hikes to the high school can be very romantic.

Rule 2: Do not eat or drink in this dress. For fluids, since your arms will be bare, might I suggest an IV. For solids, have your manservant (aka "date") feed you with a long spoon while you wear one of those full-body aprons like at the barbershop.

Rule 3: Do not dance in this dress. Dancing--especially "touching" dancing--can cause wrinkles. If you really must experience physical contact during the slow dances, your date may grasp non-dress parts of you, such as your forearms or head.

Have fun at your first prom!

Love, Dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/akambe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2016
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You know what they say about the food at meditation centers?

It may not take up all your stomach but it will always keep your mind full

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bellicose_buddha
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"

"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"

"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.

"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report

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