Tomorrow we will be adopting a new kitten, and I am hoping to find the most appropriate name that is fun and punny and appropriately a dad joke. Give me your best (or worst) ideas!
For context, it’s a longhaired gray female kitten that’s about a year old. She’s replacing our 17 year old cat we put down today after a short illness.
EDIT: cat tax. https://postimg.cc/vDPj2brf
My husband has loved dad jokes since before he became a dad, please let me know the best ones you’ve got!
I work in long term healthcare and every year, we fill out a sheet that details what is Important To and Important For for every person that we support just to help keep things in perspective.
During our meeting, my supervisor said, "okay, that's the Important To. Let's move on to Important For.
I raised my hand and said, "Wait! You skipped Important Three!"
Cool, start it off …
But it's a cheap knockoff.
[Removed]
Vampires! And for their whole life!
10/10 dad, my guy has reached peak fatherhood with that.
Did you hear about the joke experiencing Déjà Vu?
Honey roasted Peanuts.
It was posted about a weak back.
He won the no-bell price
When you hear a dad joke, it’s apparent.
When one of the kids says they are going to the bathroom?
Or is my family just weird?
“Because if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s chess nuts boasting in an open foyer”
And now you do what they told ya
It was a bottle of salsa named Pace. He then asked me to pick up the pace.
I never get tired of it.
One of the players lost a contact, and one of the announcers quipped "Well, it's a contact sport!"
Better not, you'd spread it
(After a couple other Knock Knock Jokes have been shared.)
Oh, have you heard the Ninja Knock Knock Joke?
No, how's it go?'
(Slowly bring your fist up, as if to knock. Glance left and right. Then, sharply blow through your fist, as a blow dart.)
You're dead! ... Ninjas don't knock!
Or are we Finnish?
He's the only man in history who was Stallin and Russian at the same time.
...it's an audible joke spoken in slang. The ingredients are there, but it takes too much explanation
I know I've already ruined it . Bring on the down votes but please help me make it flow better. I've been beating it around since the old 'experience project' days
To be clear, the premise of the joke is that Stallin sounds like "stalling" and Russian sounds like "rushing."
..is it an oxymoron or a paradox?
Oohe.. bonus.. an oxymoron is a dummy who doesn't know how to apply pimple cream and a paradox is footwear worn by skinheads (pair of docs) . ..kinda harsh, huh.. maybe 2 doctors?
Ok, bring on the crickets and the down votes. I can take it...😬🤕😁
Big EDIT: I absolutely mean no disrespect to any Russians, Georgians, Ukrainians, or any Eastern Europeans whatsoever. Or anybody anywhere. ..or any kinds of groups of any kind of people, or any members of the Stalin family, past, present or future.
But it was too stale
We havarti heard all of them.
It was about a week back
My dad (who is old and doesn’t know how to use Reddit) wants me to post the joke he just made up…
Two guys talking
1: “Hey man! You look like you’ve lost weight!”
2: “Thanks I’ve been dieting”
1: “Cool! What’s your diet?”
2: “Poverty…”
They stink
I'm not shore if it's funny. Don't you sea what I did there?
Hahahaha
So sometimes I’d ask my dad if I was adopted he’d always reply “ya,they’re coming to pick you up at 3!”
Spilled red wine all over my side-couch table and the book I was reading. My sister in law (over for the holidays) grabbed the book, (already soaked with Cabernet) I told her “you can keep it, but it’s already half RED” I was so proud of myself but got not a single chuckle. I knew this was the place to report my major dad joke accomplishment. Edit*
By the way, I work in hospice and the book was “ “Being Mortal” by Atul Gawande. It’s an amazing read for anyone facing end of life. If it is you, or someone you love. Not to abuse my post,but it’s a best read! I am in no way associated or benefiting from any sales of this book.
It's terrible.
Or has that ship sailed?
... it was cheesy ....
the knight who thinks he knows the answer...Sir Mise
the knight who is sure his armor is made out of cans...Sir Tin
the knight who is always angry...Sir Lee
the knight who hisses when he talks...Sir Pent
the sneaky knight...Sir Reptitious
the extra knight...Sir plus
...
Like a No Bell Prize
'
>!this text is here because for some reason I can’t post a solitary symbol without my post being deleted by the auto-moderator!<
It’s hard to picket.
I guess he just didn't find it humerus.
Edit : Holy shit it blew up! Thanks everyone!
I heard he won the Nobel prize 🏆
The first letter.
