German Shepherds of Reddit, what is the wurst pun you've ever herd?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoldRush
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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What do you call the female herd dog who protects the sheep from wolves?

A baaaaad bitch

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StringTraveler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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The impala was struggling to keep up with the rest of the herd.

She refused to pick up her pace because she was anti-lope.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cobclob
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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Who is the meanest reindeer in Santa's herd?

Olive. You've heard the song. "Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onetwopi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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TIL: Two elephants of the same herd won’t go into the same body of water together at the same time.

It’s because they only have one pair of trunks between the two of them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justshtmypnts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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There was a herd of cows on this big hill. A big gust of wind came by and blew all the smaller cows away. Puzzled, the rancher went up to one of the bulls that were still standing and asks,"How come you bulls are still standing?" The bull replies...

"Cuz we bulls wobble but we don't fall down."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep...

Fortunately, I was only grazed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porkchop_d_clown
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2019
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Driving through farmland with the family, my dad randomly says β€œHey look! A whole flock of cows!” My uncle corrects him: β€œHerd of cows...”

Dad: β€œOf course I’ve heard of cows! Look! They’re all over the damn place!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brik5ean
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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Why couldn't the cowboy get the herd of cows moving along?

He needed a cattle list to get started

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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Did you hear about the guy who herds young goats?

He's great with kids

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinaron
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2016
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Apparently Dartmoor ponies are being sold for their meat to help the herd survive.

Here is the story. I suggested to the family that they might make a good mane course and got many groans for my trouble.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blarty97
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2015
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I never take my herding dog into the theatre, but tonight my children are performing.

So I might let my coliseum.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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I was walking with about 100 cows from one ranch to another and I had to pass through a vineyard so

I herded through the grapevine

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thkoog
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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If they launched a lot of cattle into orbit.

If they launched a lot of cattle into orbit.

It would be the herd shot ’round the world.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GreyDeck
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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A farmer and his dog are herding sheep. They finish and his dog says "I counted 40 sheep". The farmer replies, "That's odd I only got 37.”

The dog replies "I rounded them up".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zortor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
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Space X is planning to send a bunch of cattle into orbit.

It will be the herd shot 'round the world.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OccamsBeard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
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Every day I have to take my cow through a vineyard…

I herd it through the grapevine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/watercolorfiddle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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A sheep farmer was having a bad day..

The sheep were all β€œbaaa” then another would reply β€œbaaa” and another β€œbaaa” and on an on β€œbaaa” Finally the farmer bursts out: β€œAll right, all right, I herd you!!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PileOfThoughts
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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A farm sheep was bleating weirdly one day.

It’s owner could not believe the weird bleats the sheep was making,

so he asked out loud sheepishly in frustration:

β€œwhat the hell was that!?”

β€œYou herd me” - the sheep replied.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thicklog7
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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A sheep wakes up to find that she's at a completely different farm.

None of the other sheep seem alarmed, so she goes and asks another sheep what's going on.

"Oh, haven't you herd?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/slekrons
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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Pills for the bull

I recently spent $46,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.

Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine!

I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ...but they kind of taste like peppermint.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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A cow asked his farmer β€œWhat do you do?”

No response.

So he asks again, β€œWhat do you do?!”

No response.

Slightly agitated the cow again asks β€œWHAT DO YOU DO?!”

The farmer blurts β€œI HERD YOU!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Millenial
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To keep the herd moooving

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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You don’t have to tell a Border Collie something twice

They herd you the first time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/paisleywinda
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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How do I get into hunting?

I'm aiming for where to start. All of my resources are shot. I'm gunning to go soon. Please be a deer and let me know.

I've herd the animals go out with a bang.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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Horse walks into a bar

Bartender said to the horse , what’s with the long face.

I must have herd that 1,000,000 times as a kid never got old.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dieselgains1
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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Bad collection of puns

Remember, only come here for cringe, Because this is the ultimate Pun Collection.

  1. What does McDonalds say to the tray when it betrays them? "You traytor!"
  2. Does Spider Man live in an egg? Because i heard he lives in New Yolk.
  3. These puns aren't very eggciting.
  4. lettuce taco bout it?
  5. I will asalt you with puns!
  6. What if your problem involves telling a phone? JUST TELEPHONE ALREADY!
  7. What if Jake stands close to Johnny when talking? He Here's Johnny!
  8. Stop asalting my hard with your judging pursesonality!
  9. I'll play the Yandere Simulater later.
  10. You herd about that show? It's called Spongebob Swearpants.
  11. Why did you diss stew me? (kinda hard to get, but just say it out loud.)
  12. What does someone say sarcastically in the middle of an intense war that was caused by someone? TANKS TO YOU!
  13. What type of plane that loves bounce? Boeing!
  14. How many money did we owe? It said it on the letter right? I don't know, you should've reddit!

I'm sorry for the cringe...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titanium_Steel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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Congress is sending cows into space again...

It’s the herd shot round the world. I think it will be an udder disappointment. When they land we will all have ground beef.

  • dad shooting from the 3 point line πŸ’πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2020
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Some thieves recently made off with a bunch of sheep by riding them away.

Be careful, I herd they were on the lamb.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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A car cruising down a rural country suddenly backfires.

As the engine sputters and shuts down the woman driving the car steers toward a nearby driveway and honks the horn hoping to get the attention of a guy herding cattle in the distance. Sure enough within a minute the man has ridden his horse over to her. He dismounts and gives a happy β€œHello! Sounds like you’re having some car trouble. Can I help at all?” The woman replies that she’s not sure what happened but that she would love some help. They pop the hood and the man says he thinks he can fix the problem but has to run back to his barn to get some tools. The cows have come to see what’s going on and as the farmer gets ready to leave he says β€œDon’t worry about your car. I’ll have it running in a few minutes. Just head over there to the shade of the tree by the fence. The cows are all friendly. Bessy there likes to have her ear rubbed, Albert likes to look at people, and Mare will just moo a grand ole tune.” All of it is true and within 20 minutes the woman is happily sitting in her car with the engine running better than before. β€œThank you so much, you’re a life saver,” she says. The man smiles and lets out a big laugh before saying β€œI’m glad I could help. But I’m no life saver. I’m just a jolly rancher.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/foyeldagain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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Who called it a goat petting zoo...

and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuyOnTheStreet
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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Conversation with my daughter

(talking about the hardships of pioneer life)

Me: they could get trampled by a gang of buffalo.

Her: "herd" of buffalo.

Me: Yes, I've heard of buffalo.
Her: buffalo herd.

Me: What did they hear? Was it a secret?

Her: No, like you herd the buffalo.

Me: Yeah, well they are pretty loud.

And that's when she punched me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cacafuego
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
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T-Rexes hunting for dinner

This is my dad's favorite dad joke.

A teenage T-Rex named Maynard and his father were out looking for dinner.

"Oh hey, dad! Look! A stegosaurus! That'd be good!"

"My Maynard son, no. That would be so hard to chew. There's so much armor there."

A little while later:

"Dad, check it. A big old nest of Pteranadons! Chicken tonight!"

"No, my Maynard son. They would fly too fast, and we cannot reach up there with our arms."

Finally, "Dad! Dad! Check it out! A herd of brontosaurus! It'd be so easy!"

"No, my Maynard son. Brontosaurus ribs take a long time to properly age before they're good eating. Everyone knows this."

The teenage T-Rex stomped and roared, "Daaad, what are we doing? There's stuff right here to eat! What the hell are you looking for, anyway?"

The elder T-Rex shook his head and said, "Carrion, my Maynard son."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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The Cheerio story

So once upon a time, there was a planet shaped like a cheerio. A small moon made of milk or tied the planet, going through the center of the donut shaped world. On this planet, lived an interesting species. They acted and lived similarly to us humans? But looked just like large Cheerios (with footings hands and feet like miis) Within this society there were levels of Cheerios: original, honey nut, and finally frosted. The originals were the backbone of the economy, doing the herd labor while the honey nuts ran the businesses and the frosted Cheerios (the top of the top) led the world. Our story today focuses on a single Cheerio. Born into an original Cheerio family, this lad learned the hard way how to work. From a young age, he was forced to get a job in the local milk refinery, where his dad worked. He grew up, and soon had a family of his own. His wife, son, and daughter all worked hard, but were happy. One day walking home from school, the kids found a runaway honey nut Cheerio pup, and decided to keep him. It wasn’t much, but it inspired our little Cheerio friend here. One day, he got fed up with taking orders, and demanded a raise. His entire family has worked in this one factory for three generations, and he wanted to move up in the world, not just for him but also his kids. His old boss however, did not have the power to promote this Cheerio, and he was forced to make a life changing decision: he would go to the refinery company and use every penny in the family savings account (under the bed) to try and get a higher position. After waiting on line for over a week, his appoint was finally here. After bickering and bargaining for hours, the refinery company boss saw a spark in this lad’s eye. He agreed to give this Cheerio a promotion to the honored honey nut glaze in exchange for everything this man owned, including the family’s prized honey nut dog. Was it worth it? Well pretty soon he owned his own milk refinery and was able to breed his own honey nut dogs, so yes, yes it was. Owning and operating the refinery went smoothly. Milk was transported from the moon to the planet using space busses, and the milk itself was funneled down to the refineries using large straws. After the milk was ready to drink, it was shipped off to be sold. He was happy working here, but eventually he realized it wasn’t enough. This Cheerio, once a simple original Cheerio wanted to follow the β€œAmerican dream” and do the best he could. He wanted to become a frosted Ch

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jackcrackaman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
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The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an asshole and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"

And the sheep goes "You herd me!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dagusiu
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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2 cowboys in a field

One turns to the other and says β€œyou take all those cows over there and round them up into one big group”

The other says β€œwhat?”

The first cowboy says β€œyou herd”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yemembet
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
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Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long....

At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buggaboobooy
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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Categorising Dad Jokes

No jokes here, just a request for some help/clever words. (admin - delete if you're looking just for jokes).

My 12yo son has decided to do a school speech on dad jokes! He is attempting to categorise different types (in a comedic way if possible), Herding cats is easier.

As a Dad my joke are funny (mainly just to me) and off the cuff (so no use in a planned setting); I am requesting some help from those dads more wordy than myself; looking to impart sage words.

Any help will be appreciated and if the speech goes well i will post it.

thanks in advance

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonjk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
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My granddads favorite joke

It usually took him about a minute to tell this joke because he would start laughing every time.

What did the man say when he saw a herd of elephants coming? Here come the elephants.

What did the man say when he saw a herd of elephants coming with bags on their heads? Nothing. He didn't recognize them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshtimhall96
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2014
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Some gems from my old man...

Any time we'd go to drive somewhere... "And we're off like a herd of turtles!"

"What would you like to eat?" "Food." "What kind of food?" "Edible food."

"If you're American outside the bathroom, what are you inside the bathroom? European!"

"I'm thirsty!" "Hello Thursday, My name's Friday. Would you like to go out on Saturday and have a Sunday?"

And then, of course, he convinced me (or maybe I made it up in my little head?) that if I drank enough carrot juice I would be able to see in the dark, haha.

Wish I could remember more... He passed away when I was 8 or so. I'll happily share more if I remember them sometime. Heh, when he told my sister and I that he had cancer he insisted he had probably just swallowed a big crouton. :')

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xingped
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2013
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Deja Moo

Oh MOOgosh. This might just sound like a load of Bull, but please STEER me out.

Deja Moo (Sung to the tune of Fresh Prince of Bel-air)


Now these are puns all about COWS

Their milk gets flipped, churned all around.

And I’d like to take a minute but I won’t stop and prattle

And tell you this story you haven’t HERD about cattle.


In IstanBULL I was born and BRAISED.

In the pastures back then in my HAYDAYS.

Chewing cud, RUMPING round, and making a fuss.

TANNING out so UDDERLY ridiculous.


When a couple of HEIFERS who had BEEF with me

Started BULLying on my Brand , you see.

I got TIPPED over once and my mom got scared

She said you're MOOvin your behind, your butt, your DAIRY Air.


I whistled for a calf and when it came near

Thought she was a babe, but HE was a STEER!

If anything I can say this STEAK is rare

But that Bovine was BO-FINE so I didn’t care!


I got milked a few times, maybe 7 or 8

More like long-gonehorn, than reliable date.

So I CHUCKED out the udder half of the pasture,

Bevo ain’t a cow, don’t got what I’m after.


Fun fact: a Dairy Cow can produce 125lbs of saliva a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KrazyCasey412
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
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Driving with my son and we pass a farm. I point out the flock of cows. He turns to me and says "Dad it's a herd of cows"

Heard of cows, of course I heard of cows. I just pointed out a flock of them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chefdumbdumb
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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NASA is planning on launching a bunch of cows into space.

It'll be the herd shot 'round the world.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
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