A list of puns related to "The Herd"
She refused to pick up her pace because she was anti-lope.
Olive. You've heard the song. "Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names."
It’s because they only have one pair of trunks between the two of them.
"Cuz we bulls wobble but we don't fall down."
Dad: “Of course I’ve heard of cows! Look! They’re all over the damn place!”
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
He needed a cattle list to get started
He's great with kids
Here is the story. I suggested to the family that they might make a good mane course and got many groans for my trouble.
So I might let my coliseum.
If they launched a lot of cattle into orbit.
It would be the herd shot ’round the world.
It will be the herd shot 'round the world.
I herd it through the grapevine.
The dog replies "I rounded them up".
The sheep were all “baaa” then another would reply “baaa” and another “baaa” and on an on “baaa” Finally the farmer bursts out: “All right, all right, I herd you!!”
It’s owner could not believe the weird bleats the sheep was making,
so he asked out loud sheepishly in frustration:
“what the hell was that!?”
“You herd me” - the sheep replied.
None of the other sheep seem alarmed, so she goes and asks another sheep what's going on.
"Oh, haven't you herd?"
I recently spent $46,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day. The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine!
I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ...but they kind of taste like peppermint.
No response.
So he asks again, “What do you do?!”
No response.
Slightly agitated the cow again asks “WHAT DO YOU DO?!”
The farmer blurts “I HERD YOU!”
To keep the herd moooving
They herd you the first time.
I'm aiming for where to start. All of my resources are shot. I'm gunning to go soon. Please be a deer and let me know.
I've herd the animals go out with a bang.
Bartender said to the horse , what’s with the long face.
I must have herd that 1,000,000 times as a kid never got old.
Remember, only come here for cringe, Because this is the ultimate Pun Collection.
I'm sorry for the cringe...
It’s the herd shot round the world. I think it will be an udder disappointment. When they land we will all have ground beef.
Be careful, I herd they were on the lamb.
As the engine sputters and shuts down the woman driving the car steers toward a nearby driveway and honks the horn hoping to get the attention of a guy herding cattle in the distance. Sure enough within a minute the man has ridden his horse over to her. He dismounts and gives a happy “Hello! Sounds like you’re having some car trouble. Can I help at all?” The woman replies that she’s not sure what happened but that she would love some help. They pop the hood and the man says he thinks he can fix the problem but has to run back to his barn to get some tools. The cows have come to see what’s going on and as the farmer gets ready to leave he says “Don’t worry about your car. I’ll have it running in a few minutes. Just head over there to the shade of the tree by the fence. The cows are all friendly. Bessy there likes to have her ear rubbed, Albert likes to look at people, and Mare will just moo a grand ole tune.” All of it is true and within 20 minutes the woman is happily sitting in her car with the engine running better than before. “Thank you so much, you’re a life saver,” she says. The man smiles and lets out a big laugh before saying “I’m glad I could help. But I’m no life saver. I’m just a jolly rancher.”
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
(talking about the hardships of pioneer life)
Me: they could get trampled by a gang of buffalo.
Her: "herd" of buffalo.
Me: Yes, I've heard of buffalo.
Her: buffalo herd.
Me: What did they hear? Was it a secret?
Her: No, like you herd the buffalo.
Me: Yeah, well they are pretty loud.
And that's when she punched me.
This is my dad's favorite dad joke.
A teenage T-Rex named Maynard and his father were out looking for dinner.
"Oh hey, dad! Look! A stegosaurus! That'd be good!"
"My Maynard son, no. That would be so hard to chew. There's so much armor there."
A little while later:
"Dad, check it. A big old nest of Pteranadons! Chicken tonight!"
"No, my Maynard son. They would fly too fast, and we cannot reach up there with our arms."
Finally, "Dad! Dad! Check it out! A herd of brontosaurus! It'd be so easy!"
"No, my Maynard son. Brontosaurus ribs take a long time to properly age before they're good eating. Everyone knows this."
The teenage T-Rex stomped and roared, "Daaad, what are we doing? There's stuff right here to eat! What the hell are you looking for, anyway?"
The elder T-Rex shook his head and said, "Carrion, my Maynard son."
So once upon a time, there was a planet shaped like a cheerio. A small moon made of milk or tied the planet, going through the center of the donut shaped world. On this planet, lived an interesting species. They acted and lived similarly to us humans? But looked just like large Cheerios (with footings hands and feet like miis) Within this society there were levels of Cheerios: original, honey nut, and finally frosted. The originals were the backbone of the economy, doing the herd labor while the honey nuts ran the businesses and the frosted Cheerios (the top of the top) led the world. Our story today focuses on a single Cheerio. Born into an original Cheerio family, this lad learned the hard way how to work. From a young age, he was forced to get a job in the local milk refinery, where his dad worked. He grew up, and soon had a family of his own. His wife, son, and daughter all worked hard, but were happy. One day walking home from school, the kids found a runaway honey nut Cheerio pup, and decided to keep him. It wasn’t much, but it inspired our little Cheerio friend here. One day, he got fed up with taking orders, and demanded a raise. His entire family has worked in this one factory for three generations, and he wanted to move up in the world, not just for him but also his kids. His old boss however, did not have the power to promote this Cheerio, and he was forced to make a life changing decision: he would go to the refinery company and use every penny in the family savings account (under the bed) to try and get a higher position. After waiting on line for over a week, his appoint was finally here. After bickering and bargaining for hours, the refinery company boss saw a spark in this lad’s eye. He agreed to give this Cheerio a promotion to the honored honey nut glaze in exchange for everything this man owned, including the family’s prized honey nut dog. Was it worth it? Well pretty soon he owned his own milk refinery and was able to breed his own honey nut dogs, so yes, yes it was. Owning and operating the refinery went smoothly. Milk was transported from the moon to the planet using space busses, and the milk itself was funneled down to the refineries using large straws. After the milk was ready to drink, it was shipped off to be sold. He was happy working here, but eventually he realized it wasn’t enough. This Cheerio, once a simple original Cheerio wanted to follow the “American dream” and do the best he could. He wanted to become a frosted Ch
... keep reading on reddit ➡And the sheep goes "You herd me!"
One turns to the other and says “you take all those cows over there and round them up into one big group”
The other says “what?”
The first cowboy says “you herd”
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
No jokes here, just a request for some help/clever words. (admin - delete if you're looking just for jokes).
My 12yo son has decided to do a school speech on dad jokes! He is attempting to categorise different types (in a comedic way if possible), Herding cats is easier.
As a Dad my joke are funny (mainly just to me) and off the cuff (so no use in a planned setting); I am requesting some help from those dads more wordy than myself; looking to impart sage words.
Any help will be appreciated and if the speech goes well i will post it.
thanks in advance
It usually took him about a minute to tell this joke because he would start laughing every time.
What did the man say when he saw a herd of elephants coming? Here come the elephants.
What did the man say when he saw a herd of elephants coming with bags on their heads? Nothing. He didn't recognize them.
Oh MOOgosh. This might just sound like a load of Bull, but please STEER me out.
Deja Moo (Sung to the tune of Fresh Prince of Bel-air)
Now these are puns all about COWS
Their milk gets flipped, churned all around.
And I’d like to take a minute but I won’t stop and prattle
And tell you this story you haven’t HERD about cattle.
In IstanBULL I was born and BRAISED.
In the pastures back then in my HAYDAYS.
Chewing cud, RUMPING round, and making a fuss.
TANNING out so UDDERLY ridiculous.
When a couple of HEIFERS who had BEEF with me
Started BULLying on my Brand , you see.
I got TIPPED over once and my mom got scared
She said you're MOOvin your behind, your butt, your DAIRY Air.
I whistled for a calf and when it came near
Thought she was a babe, but HE was a STEER!
If anything I can say this STEAK is rare
But that Bovine was BO-FINE so I didn’t care!
I got milked a few times, maybe 7 or 8
More like long-gonehorn, than reliable date.
So I CHUCKED out the udder half of the pasture,
Bevo ain’t a cow, don’t got what I’m after.
Fun fact: a Dairy Cow can produce 125lbs of saliva a day.
Any time we'd go to drive somewhere... "And we're off like a herd of turtles!"
"What would you like to eat?" "Food." "What kind of food?" "Edible food."
"If you're American outside the bathroom, what are you inside the bathroom? European!"
"I'm thirsty!" "Hello Thursday, My name's Friday. Would you like to go out on Saturday and have a Sunday?"
And then, of course, he convinced me (or maybe I made it up in my little head?) that if I drank enough carrot juice I would be able to see in the dark, haha.
Wish I could remember more... He passed away when I was 8 or so. I'll happily share more if I remember them sometime. Heh, when he told my sister and I that he had cancer he insisted he had probably just swallowed a big crouton. :')
The sweater was made with alpaca wool and had a pattern with alpacas wrapping around her chest. It had a beautifully intricate diamond pattern of various colors and you could tell it was finely crafted.
Mom: wow, what a beautiful sweater is that made from alpaca wool?
Old lady: Yes, we have a small herd of them.
Dad: YOU HAVE A HERD OF SWEATERS?!
Old lady stares blankly into my fathers eyes not quite understanding as I’m dying.
He can't afford to buy a whole herd of cows all at once, but he figures he can start small and work up. So he buys a dozen cows and two bulls. He puts the bulls in separate pastures, and splits the cows evenly, and waits. After a couple weeks, he realizes that most of the cows in one pasture are pregnant, but on the other side of the fence, nothing has been happening. He calls up his neighbor, Elmer, an old country feller who has been farming since he could walk. "See, there's your problem," the old man says, "That one's a bull, but the other's a steer." The city slicker says, "Well, I don't know what the difference is. Could you put it in terms I might understand better?" Elmer says, "Well..."
"One's regular and the other is de-calf."
Heard of cows, of course I heard of cows. I just pointed out a flock of them.
It'll be the herd shot 'round the world.
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