The baby was inapparent
Your momma so fat, I could still see her
It certainly takes the Edge off them.
It was a miss-steak.
Barbera Bush
>It was a Mashacre
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
Now you take the large one and leave me the smaller. Don't love me anymore?'
'Nonsense, darling,' replied the husband, 'you just cook better now.'
Seeing an opportunity to break the tension, I called from the living room, "I guess you BUTTER not do that again!"
Mom shouted back that my joke was terrible, but she was laughing too much to stay irritated.
But that was un-Y's.
He couldn't find Davey Jone's locker
The second turbine said:"I'm a giant metal fan"
Under arrest?
Wait. Sorry, wrong sub.
He died of old H.
A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
That was the punchline
She told me to come back in a month for another shot.
“Are you all Wright?!”
I told her "page not found"
and the second turns to the first and says “Jeramy, what’s wrong with you?”
"Okay, I'll give it a shot"
I'm sorry
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
I Acts it says they were all in one accord.
But then I saw her face.
For example
- I ate my friend's lunch
- I ate my friend's colon
Nien, Nien, Nien!
Germans don’t skip steps.
handshakes
But Patrick is the star.
He said no.
A weak tomorrow
Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.
I don’t know what to make of it.
The second one.
It’s very souperficial.
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
Nobody has heard of herbivore
Jamaica?
No - she wanted to go.
It’s just a curd to me.
The bartender asks what they'd like.
The executive of Miller orders a Miller Lite, so the bartender gives it to him. The executive of Bud orders a Bud Light, and he's given one. The bartender looks at the CEO of Guinness, and he asks for a Coke. The bartender, bewildered, hands him the Coke and asks why he didn't order a Guinness. In reply, he said,
"I figured if those two weren't drinking beer, then neither would I!"
He’s assembling his cabinet.
Go for the juggler.
