So proud of my 3 year old daughter... her first dad joke. “Hey Dad, why did the duck cross the road?”
Because the chicken had the day off.
Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isn’t divulging her sources. Hilarious.
Edit: The first joke she’s told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)
Why did the duck go to jail?
They couldn't DUCK the police..
If you have two ducks, and one of them is called Tim, what do you call the other one?
Why are there no ducks on the pond at Buckingham palace?
Because it is for no bills only
Why was the duck arrested
He was wanted on charges of selling quack
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keeps attacking him.
I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
I fed a gorgeous duck the other day
Why did the cop arrest the duck?
Because peace was never an option.
P.S it was selling quack.
I interrogated a member of the duck gang today.
Thankfully he quacked under the pressure...
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Donald, Duck" anymore when the president is about to be attacked
But their grandchildren still listen, in spite of rule 4, because hearing dear old grand-da be excited about his stories is just so sweet, whether he remembers tellin them or not
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The other day I saw a duck standing on top of another duck’s head.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
I was having a good day until I stopped to pet a duck in the park....
Now I'm feeling a little down.
What does a duck say to the drug dealer
He says “where’s the quack”.
In the climax of a duck movie you suddenly hear cluck-cluck-cluck
Did you hear about the problems the ducks in Detroit are having?
There's a huge quack epidemic.
What's the worst part about a duck doctor?
[Tribute to the singer/songwriter who passed away today] How do you turn a duck into a soul musician?
Put it in the microwave until its bill withers.
Did you hear about the queen cover band consisting of ducks?
They do most queen songs but they don't quack under pressure.
I don’t know why, but there’s just something about a duck sitting on the roof of a house that makes me mad and makes me laugh, too
This morning there were two, I was quite conflicted. it was a real paradux.
I think the ducks in our pond need help
They’re addicted to quack
Why didn’t the duck family take in the orphaned cygnet
What does the duck spread its cheese on?
TV Narrator* This is a mallard. A mallard is a dabbling duck that breeds throughout the world. This one is in search of a mate. A female will lay 8 to 13 eggs.
The truth about duck tape
Why did the FBI search the duck
Because he was a known quack dealer
Why did the dinosaur eat the farmers ducks and cows?
He wanted quakers and milk
The NFL has this obscure rule where players aren’t allowed to own pet ducks.
It’s considered to be a personal fowl.
What does the peasant duck say to the king duck?
We couldn't find any ducks at the duck pond this morning
They were gone before quack of dawn
What was the first word the avacado said to his duck parents?
What do you call a duck in the ocean?
Why couldn’t the duck fly?
He said I could take the ostriches but not the ducks.
(Because he never gave a flying flock)
Why did police believe a duck had committed the robbery?
Because he fit the bill of the one they were looking for.
Goldberg from The Mighty Ducks movies has been using methamphetamine for a while apparently.
I thought he was just a quack addict.
Why couldn't the duck keep his job?
He was addicted to quack.
A goose talking to duck at the local pond. “My husbands gone away for a few weeks to Africa”. “Oh really.” Says the the Duck “Uganda?”...
“No I’m a goose. My husband is a gander”
Why was the duck kicked out of his psychology lecture.
He kept calling the professor a quack.
I stubbed my toe and got scolded by my parents for yelling “What the duck”
They were angry that I used fowl language
Why was the duck sued for medical malpractice?
My toddler was about to hit his head on a bar at the playground, so I told him to duck.
He quacked at me then hit his head on the bar.
What did the duck buy at the store?
Some people think the Pittsburgh Steelers have a good starting QB in "Duck" Hodges
But the truth is, he puts the Steelers at risk of getting penalties all game long...
...Because on every play...
There's fowl on the field.
What happens when you drop a duck egg on the ground?
The duck walked up to store
And asked the man: “do you have chapstick?”.
The man said: “yes, you don’t have money though, do you?”.
The duck said: “no, just put it on my bill”
What side of a duck has the most feathers?
I don’t know how to make good titles so I’m writing this to duck out of the responsibility of entertaining you.
Why was the duck killed and eaten for spying on others
Probably cos it was a Peking duck
Why couldn’t the duck cross the road?
Because he got his foot stuck in a quack.
What do you call a duck on the Fourth of July?
Which restaurant serves the best roasted duck?
The issue with duck eggs.
Two farmers, Ben and Dave, are discussing their produce. Ben mentions that there has been a strange recent demand in duck eggs, and is going to begin producing them. Dave replies that he tried to produce them long ago, but had to stop due to issues with their delivery.
"What issues?" Asks Ben, with a confused expression on his face.
"They caused way too much mess in the delivery truck," Dave explains, "You'll find out soon enough, duck eggs quack really easily."
What do the really fast ducks say?
What did the atomic duck say?
What would the smallest duck in existence say?
A man walks into the Drs office with a duck on his head. The doctor says "What can I do for you today?" The duck says "Doc, can you get this guy off my tail?"
What's the difference in a duck descending towards land vs a duck descending towards water?
One is going to land on land, but the other won't water on water.
...
A duck walks into the bar.
The bartender asks,
“Waddle it be?”
Why does the duck like to swim?
Because he’s a-quack-tic.
Comment from the duck song
Why did the duck go to jail
What did the duck say to the other duck?
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him..
Guess that's what I get for having a pure bread dog.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.
Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
Why did the duck get arrested?
Because he was selling quack.
Why the duck got arrested?
Because he was selling Quack
Why did the duck get arrested?
What did the duck say to the bartender?
I can't take my dog to the park without all the ducks attacking him
I shouldn't have gotten a pure bread.
I can't take my dog to the pond any more, the ducks keep attacking him.
I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
What did the duck say when she purchased new lipstick?
What did the duck say when she bought lipstick?
I can't take my dog to the pond for exercise because the ducks keep attacking him
That's what you get for buying a pure bread dog
What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick?
Why was the duck arrested?
The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him..
I guess that's what I get for having a pure bred dog
Why did the duck get arrested?
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him...
Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog...
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.
Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
We can't take our dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him...
Guess that's what we get for buying a pure bread dog...
What did the duck say to the cashier when he bought a tube of lipstick?
Can you put it on my bill?
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him....
I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.
Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
I can't take my dog to the park anymore. The ducks keep attacking him.
I guess that's what I get for buying a pure-bread.
I can't take my dalmatian to the duck pond anymore
I guess that's what you get for having a pure bread dog.
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