Due to the Covid crisis, the Indian bakery in my neighborhood is going through some tough times.

They fired all Naan essential staff.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
How do dancers ensure job continuity during the Covid crisis?

They twerk from home.

πŸ‘︎ 179
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the dolphin have an existential crisis?

He felt his life had no porpoise

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
In Germany this weekend they have been preparing for the crisis by stocking up on sausages and cheese.

It's the Wurst KΓ€se scenario.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/im_made_of_jam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I stocked up on beef, pork and chicken for the Covid-19 crisis .

And for easy storage, they're all within the same hot dogs.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Toadfinger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
In this time of crisis I believe it is our duty as a community to make a rapid respons team to help the rest of the world!

We will be known as the rapid respuns

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/van_-Dam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the camping crisis?

I hear it's in tents.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jrock0479
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the dull pencil have a mid-life crisis?

Because he had no point

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/olivewitharhyme
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the aquarium that is having an existential crisis?

They lost their porpoise...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cahill48
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
√-1 to the therapist: I have the worst case of existential crisis.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2018
🚨︎ report
You would think this car is my midlife crisis...I'm only 23, but I think I'm on the right track.
πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blacknight75
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad on the refugee crisis

Aunt: "1 in 300 Syrian refugees are plants."

Dad: "The others are animals."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/msherman0
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2015
🚨︎ report
The girlfriend with a religious identity crisis declares "If that exists, I'm a Christian rebel".

"So you're a Protestant."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tamer_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did the Spice Girl have an existential crisis?

She was contemplating what it meant to be cumin.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FCantante
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2017
🚨︎ report
No more jokes about the refugee crisis everybody...

...it's a Syria's situation.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/youhitdacanadien
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2015
🚨︎ report
What helped contribute to the financial crisis?

Nothing on the left side of Accountants' books were right, and nothing on the right side was left.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/USCgamecocks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2014
🚨︎ report
What's the safest room in the house during a zombie invasion?

After I dug into the details of a theoretical zombie crisis and the entrances and exits of our home, I settled on the master bedroom.

My son sighs and says, "the living room."

High five buddy, you got me.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ex_oh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo & Juliet?

One’s a Coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/clifwith1f
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The set up sucks but I thought it was pretty smart

A man makes an outline of a duck and cuts it out. An egg falls right in the middle. Now he has an egg in stencil crisis

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nojuicing
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What film do you make when Batman is in trouble?

The Dark Knight Crisis

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad just hit me with this

A buddhist monk had a religious crisis. He open a tub of margarine and saw the face of Jesus. He said to himself "I can't believe it's not buddha." (Prounounced buddah)

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jzeitler121
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A chicken thought about its birth.

It thought about how it came from an egg laid by another chicken.

It then realized that at the top of the line, there had to be a chicken to lay the first egg.

It then had an eggsistential crisis.

Eggsplanation: >!Existential crisis. Eggsistential crisis. please humor me and laugh!<

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kirbykirby56
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Feta Cheese

Wife: I got this feta cheese from the new Mediterranean market in town. It's so good!

Me: there was a famine in Lebanon a few years ago where they used that cheese to end the crisis.

Wife: ...

Me: it feta lotta people.

Wife: I hate you

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshWithaQ
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Bacon Puns

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon? Β Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Β Kevin Bacon


If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.


How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.


What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.


What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.


What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.


First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.


Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.


If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper β€œHere comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost


I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon


If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?


This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.


If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.


I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.


My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.


When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm starting to become my dad's sense of humour

We we're in the car yesterday and he mentioned wanting to buy a CD by Queen. I asked him which one he would like and he said "he (Freddie Mercury) made a really good one before he died"

to which I replied "well.. aren't they all from before he died?"

"HA I GUESS THEY HAVE TO BE" he laughed

If the situation was reversed no way he wouldn't have answered the exact same thing. It was such a typical thing for my dad to say that I almost had a minor crisis

I'm only 21. And a female. And I'm already starting to become my dad

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Matroiska
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2013
🚨︎ report
My dadjoke senses started tingling in class the other day.

So we were discussing the recent refugee crisis in class a few days ago. One girl said:"It's going to be pretty hard in winter for them, because there arent a lot of proper shelters." So I loudly claimed :"Yeah the situation is getting pretty IN TENTS!" Reaction: Teacher laughed, some students cringed and most people didnt listen...

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kron-y
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2015
🚨︎ report
I freaked out after my wife told me she was pregnant.

I was having amid-wife crisis. Nine months later, she suddenly went into labor. I frantically tried to find someone to come to our home and deliver the baby. It was midwife crisis.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Magic Dad Joke

The Conversation went like this

Me - Hey dad can you make me a sandwich.

Dad - Abracadabra, you are a sandwich.

I now have an identity crisis

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2015
🚨︎ report
The first of what I'm sure are to be many front-page worthy posts... Such are the jokes of my dad.

Ok so my Dad was helping me move into my new uni accommodation last month and in the process we had to carry a lot of heavy boxes up my rather steep stairs.

Understandably, being a man in his 50's, he was a little bit worn out after lugging several metre-by-metre crates up to my room, generally full of heavy electrical equipment and books. After letting out a deep sigh he exhaled - 'Crikey, this is like the Great Stairs Crisis of 1965!'.

To my knowledge, or indeed to anyone else's knowledge (including my dad's), so such crisis ever occurred. I just hope he didn't hear my housemate sniggering in his room downstairs*; he does love a good dad joke.

*Ironically I've noticed that laughing at Dad jokes tends to make said Dad more depressed than when you don't, since they're usually fully aware of how bad their joke is and laughing at it only serves to remind them of the fact that people are actually paying attention to the regrettable nonsense which often leaves their mouths.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PantuTheDog
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between Covid 19 and Romeo & Juliet?

..One’s a Corona virus and the other’s a Verona crisis.

πŸ‘︎ 182
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yipyopyupyap
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo & Juliet?

One is Coronavirus and the other is a Verona Crisis!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stoatwobbler
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.