My elderly neighbor had some landscapers take care of his lawn every weekend for several years. Recently, he hired a new crew, but forgot to fire the old crew. So this weekend they both showed up to mow his lawn, and got into a fight over who should be there.

He had no idea he had started a turf war.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flash17k
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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What Did The Bavarian Say To His Crew When The Ship Had A Leak?

All Hans On Deck!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Podomus
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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During my first month on the road paving crew, they always gave me all the worst jobs. I endured all of it, up until they put me on paint duty...

...that's where I finally had to draw the line.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Last summer, I worked on a party boat for the assistants to the staff of Terry Crews

I was on the Crews' crew's crew cruise crew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/exmachinalibertas
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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I'm a sea captain, my crew was goofing off at the back of the ship...

... I had to give them a stern warning.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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An explosion on an aircraft carrier severed most of the crew’s arms at the wrist.

The clean-up that followed was all hands on deck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/radioclash86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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The cleaning crew stopped by my office to dust

I work in an office with 2 other guys and we all get along very well. Once every other week, a cleaning crew comes in to sweep, dust, mop etc.

One of the cleaning crew had a duster out and was dusting my coworkers desk. He told the lady to hit me with the duster as I was acting silly as usual. She said she couldn't as she would go to jail for battery. I said, "No. You would go to jail for assault with a dusty weapon."

The audible groans and chuckles were fuel to my dad humoured fire.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CarFlipJudge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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On my yacht, I make one of the crew dress in cute costume to stand for the pole supporting the yards, booms, and rigging...

He's my mast-cot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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Did you hear about the North Korean hip-hop crew that escaped to the south?

it was called Run DMZ.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cuank
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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I once heard a man insult the loveable Terry Crews. I waanted to beat the shit out of him, but I knew karmic justice would judge him fairly.

He died from dysentery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fermatajack
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
If Tom Cruise and Terry Crews sold tickets for a meet and greet on a Ship headed for Mexico, they'd advertise the Cruise-Crews Cruise to Veracruz.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Tamassran_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
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What did the dyslexic Captain say when he tried to teach his crew how to sing?

Ro me ti

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimJobJugger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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A young-looking sea captain comes on deck to greet his crew for the first time and one man blurted out by accident, "He's a baby!"

The captain responded, "No shit, I used to be a seaman."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blekais
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Congratulations to director Domee Shee and her Pixar crew for winning Best Animated Short at the Oscars!

Well deserved. Take a Bao.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cracksilog
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
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The Star Trek crew couldn’t use the internet outside of WiFi range.

They didn’t have commander data with them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
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A ship was sinking and the crew had to throw coffins overboard.

They couldn't have any dead weight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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The crew began removing/replacing our siding this morning

It's ex-siding

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigfatbeard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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Did you hear about the helicopter crew who rescued a CNN reporter?

It was on r/upliftingnews

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanm1903
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What order cannot be divided between the crew?

A Prime Directive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenofire
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the pirate blue crew crashed into the red crew?

They were all marooned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hankthetank2112
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
🚨︎ report
what do you call a boat when the crew can't speak their mind?

A censorship!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hopelessnerd-exe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when the crew of the starship enterprise enters a massive, destructive weather pattern?

An Uhuracane

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zibani
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
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If the Captain of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-D) were to betray one of his crew members...

would that crew member be hoisted by his own Picard?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2016
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How to put crew emblems on the side of cars?

I can only put them on the hood of my merry weather truck. But I've seen them on the side.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RiddledM
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2014
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Apparently an unaired episode of Next Generation featured a genestealer villain who tried to make evil clones of the Enterprise's crew.

they say he was hoist by his own Picard...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpacemanBates
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2016
🚨︎ report

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