What did the Muslim train engineer say when his child asked why a creature so perplexing as the platypus would be created?
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︎ Mar 17 2021
when I was a child we were so poor that my mother made us clothes out of the scraps my dad would bring home from work at the sandpaper factory
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︎ Dec 24 2020
Child walks past the parents bedroom, peaks inside and mumbles....
"And you want to send me to a psychologist for sucking my thumb."
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︎ Feb 21 2021
[OC (I think)] What do you call the child of a civil engineer?
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︎ Feb 05 2021
So the doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me me that my child is a boy trapped in a girls body...
...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!
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︎ Jul 22 2020
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting high and mighty?
"I've had it with your altitude"
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︎ Jan 14 2021
Why was the 2 yr old unvaccinated child crying?
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︎ Nov 20 2020
What did the father say to his trans girl child?
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︎ Jan 07 2021
During the delivery of my first child, my wife kept yelling out βcanβtβ, βwonβtβ, βshouldnβtβ, βcouldnβtβ.
The mid wife told me not to worry, they were only contractions
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︎ Nov 27 2020
The worst part of spanking a disobedient child at a supermarket is....
......having absolutely no idea whose child it is.
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︎ Dec 12 2020
Why did the Palpatines have a child?
They forgot to use ray shields
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︎ Jan 06 2021
Have you heard about the child abductor that sleeps alot?
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︎ Dec 13 2020
Officer : Sir, Maβam, Iβm afraid your child was responsible for burning the building.
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︎ Nov 14 2020
So, my child told me on the phone they'd got a sex change. They could tell I wasn't too bothered...
I had become trans-parent
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︎ Nov 25 2020
A child in Egypt got separated from her mom in the crowd and was looking for her but got confused.
Because there were so many mummies.
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︎ Nov 15 2020
I really wanted to be there for the birth of my child. I drove like an idiot and almost got into an accident. But when I reached the hospital, I found out it was all for nothing.
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︎ Nov 05 2020
So my wife is getting some medical tests done (weβre expecting our second child) and had to bring home a urine sample cup to fill up and bring back to the clinic the next day.
She asks me to bring it drop it off at the lab for her and I ask, βwhere do I drop it off?β
She says, βGo in the front door and thereβs a little desk that you -β
βDonβt you mean a LITTLE STOOL!?β
... I hope you guys enjoy that as much as I did. True story happened today!
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︎ Nov 18 2020
read βtwixβ in a child accent it makes the meme better
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︎ Jun 03 2020
I know everyone thinks their child is the best
But a farmer told me his kid is a goat
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︎ Oct 05 2020
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
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︎ Jul 30 2020
A child picks up a piece of chocolate and puts it in the shopping cart. The mother takes the chocolate, as it is unhealthy, and puts it down next to the eggs.
For its unhealthy being, it was in eggs-aisle.
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︎ Sep 07 2020
First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when Iβm down I go to the mall and use the elevator.
So it can lift me up and make my day better.
I tried to OC.
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︎ Aug 01 2020
When is the most appropriate time to deliver a child?
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︎ Sep 07 2020
I looked my child in the eye and told them they were not my son
Because I have a beautiful daughter instead
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︎ Oct 05 2020
My wife and I recently had a child on accident. We didn't want a child at all as we are rather young and wanted to wait a few years. He was born yesterday at the whopping weight of 8 kilos.
We've made a massive mistake
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︎ Jul 25 2020
What did the skeleton say to his wife when he wanted to adopt a child?
I have some bones to pick with you.
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︎ Jul 23 2020
I boasted to my son, "Did you know scientists discovered that the brains of male parents irreversibly change after their first child was born?" He rolled his eyes and ignored me, but I carried on...
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︎ Aug 25 2020
I was reminded of the timeβs when I was a child the other day. My dad is to stick us in tires and roll us down the hills in the back yard....
Those were the GOODYEARS.
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︎ Sep 09 2020
I used to draw the child cast of the film ET.
I drewdrewbarrymoremoreandmore though.
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︎ Aug 29 2020
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
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︎ Jul 27 2020
Do you know why I was sent to the coal mines as a child?
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︎ Jun 08 2020
Did you hear about the coal mining startup that used child labor? Thankfully they caught it early.
So it was only a minor minor miner issue.
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︎ Jun 11 2020
My wife gave birth to our child today. Everything went well, the baby is healthy and I'm very happy
If you're here looking for a punchline, you probably won't find it. This was just about the delivery
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︎ Sep 12 2019
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time...
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didnβt laugh at any of them. Nevertheless Iβve persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today sheβs in labor with our fourth and Iβve finally got her laughing...
I think Iβve really improved the delivery!
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︎ Jun 25 2020
What happened to the jewish childs foreskin?
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︎ Feb 08 2020
What did the buffalo say when his child left for college?
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︎ Apr 01 2020
Back in the day, I used to be a madlad. Then I had a child....
Thatβs when I became a dadlad
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︎ Apr 30 2020
My husband walked into the proctologists office, and I knew then that the doctor must have a child as well when I heard the words from the other side of the door,
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︎ Jun 09 2020
Why was the child arrest for not taking a nap?
He was guilty of resisting a rest.
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︎ May 18 2020
Currently in the hospital after the birth of our third child. Wife talking to lactation consultant about supply vs demand.
I chime in, "Sounds like MILKroeconomics 101."
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︎ May 28 2020
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
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︎ Mar 10 2020
What do you call the child of 2 physicists?
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︎ Feb 28 2020
When dad took the family to Florida, we finally got to see the place his boat was docked as a child...
It was good to see dad's berth place.
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︎ Apr 30 2020
If a child is refusing to take their nap or go to bed... can I call the cops on them?
Technically they are resisting a rest!
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︎ Jan 13 2020
What did the skeleton say to his wife when he wanted to adopt a child?
I've got some bones to pick with you.
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︎ Jul 23 2020
The roof is not my child
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︎ Dec 30 2019
What did the Buffalo say to his child?
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︎ May 23 2020
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