[OC (I think)] What do you call the child of a civil engineer?
when I was a child we were so poor that my mother made us clothes out of the scraps my dad would bring home from work at the sandpaper factory
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting high and mighty?
"I've had it with your altitude"
So the doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me me that my child is a boy trapped in a girls body...
...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!
What did the father say to his trans girl child?
Why was the 2 yr old unvaccinated child crying?
During the delivery of my first child, my wife kept yelling out ‘can’t’, ‘won’t’, ‘shouldn’t’, ‘couldn’t’.
The mid wife told me not to worry, they were only contractions
Why did the Palpatines have a child?
They forgot to use ray shields
The worst part of spanking a disobedient child at a supermarket is....
......having absolutely no idea whose child it is.
Have you heard about the child abductor that sleeps alot?
Officer : Sir, Ma’am, I’m afraid your child was responsible for burning the building.
So, my child told me on the phone they'd got a sex change. They could tell I wasn't too bothered...
I had become trans-parent
A child in Egypt got separated from her mom in the crowd and was looking for her but got confused.
Because there were so many mummies.
I really wanted to be there for the birth of my child. I drove like an idiot and almost got into an accident. But when I reached the hospital, I found out it was all for nothing.
So my wife is getting some medical tests done (we’re expecting our second child) and had to bring home a urine sample cup to fill up and bring back to the clinic the next day.
She asks me to bring it drop it off at the lab for her and I ask, “where do I drop it off?”
She says, “Go in the front door and there’s a little desk that you -“
“Don’t you mean a LITTLE STOOL!?”
... I hope you guys enjoy that as much as I did. True story happened today!
I know everyone thinks their child is the best
But a farmer told me his kid is a goat
read “twix” in a child accent it makes the meme better
When is the most appropriate time to deliver a child?
A child picks up a piece of chocolate and puts it in the shopping cart. The mother takes the chocolate, as it is unhealthy, and puts it down next to the eggs.
For its unhealthy being, it was in eggs-aisle.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
I looked my child in the eye and told them they were not my son
Because I have a beautiful daughter instead
First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when I’m down I go to the mall and use the elevator.
So it can lift me up and make my day better.
I tried to OC.
My wife and I recently had a child on accident. We didn't want a child at all as we are rather young and wanted to wait a few years. He was born yesterday at the whopping weight of 8 kilos.
We've made a massive mistake
What did the skeleton say to his wife when he wanted to adopt a child?
I have some bones to pick with you.
I was reminded of the time’s when I was a child the other day. My dad is to stick us in tires and roll us down the hills in the back yard....
Those were the GOODYEARS.
I boasted to my son, "Did you know scientists discovered that the brains of male parents irreversibly change after their first child was born?" He rolled his eyes and ignored me, but I carried on...
I used to draw the child cast of the film ET.
I drewdrewbarrymoremoreandmore though.
A ghost talking to the only child that can see him
"Look kid, I'm gonna be real with you"
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
Do you know why I was sent to the coal mines as a child?
Did you hear about the coal mining startup that used child labor? Thankfully they caught it early.
So it was only a minor minor miner issue.
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time...
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn’t laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I’ve persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she’s in labor with our fourth and I’ve finally got her laughing...
I think I’ve really improved the delivery!
My wife gave birth to our child today. Everything went well, the baby is healthy and I'm very happy
If you're here looking for a punchline, you probably won't find it. This was just about the delivery
What happened to the jewish childs foreskin?
Back in the day, I used to be a madlad. Then I had a child....
That’s when I became a dadlad
What did the buffalo say when his child left for college?
My husband walked into the proctologists office, and I knew then that the doctor must have a child as well when I heard the words from the other side of the door,
Why was the child arrest for not taking a nap?
He was guilty of resisting a rest.
Currently in the hospital after the birth of our third child. Wife talking to lactation consultant about supply vs demand.
I chime in, "Sounds like MILKroeconomics 101."
When dad took the family to Florida, we finally got to see the place his boat was docked as a child...
It was good to see dad's berth place.
What do you call the child of 2 physicists?
A child was bored out of his mind. His mother told him that they are going to the laundry mat and the child said "that is the most boring place on earth."
Then the mother said, "Come on, it will be loads of fun."
If a child is refusing to take their nap or go to bed... can I call the cops on them?
Technically they are resisting a rest!
A couple expecting a baby girl made a long list of possible names for a girl child, but only one name in the event that they have a boy. They ended up having a boy.
He was named Justin Case.
What did the skeleton say to his wife when he wanted to adopt a child?
I've got some bones to pick with you.
What did the Buffalo say to his child?
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