What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?

Attempted Hummus-ide.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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The vet said our chick has survived through the accident, but his brain was damaged so he’d have to live the rest of his life a vegetable.

Guess we’ll call him Eggplant now

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoohsySlayer69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.

He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars.'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evilteach
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Chick-fil-A is the only safe restaurant right now

They wash their hands religiously

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Simulated_Person
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2020
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Where’s the best place to pick up chicks?

At a chicken farm!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaronh1202
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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What's the difference between a lentile and a chick pea?

I've never had a lentile on my chest before.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Timmyp79
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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Just a guy at the airport trying to pick up chicks
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πŸ‘€︎ u/360noJesus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2017
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What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HikerSethT
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
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Talking to my GF " so I got this from a chick at work today" (hand her a piece of paper) daughter freaks out in the background, "a chick?!? I wanna see I wanna see can I hold it?" Lmao
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
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If you see a chick changing out the locks or cleaning out the pool at an apartment complex, NEVER give her a joint.

Nobody like high maintenance women.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nate4761
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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What did the mother hen say to her chicks when they hatched?

Happy bird-day!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skididlydoo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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What did the emperor do when he saw a hot chick?

Caesar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2017
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Why couldn't the lumberjack pick up a chick at the bar? youtube.com/watch?v=_XQxF…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trooney1012
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2017
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Why was the rooster more proud of his chick who became a musician than his other two chicks who became authors?

Because a bird in the band is worth more than two in a book

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gudotwo2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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What’s the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

I would never pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrCOUNTCUPCAKE
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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