Funny how in the past everyone owned horses and only the rich owned cars, and now everyone has cars and only the rich have horses...
My how the stables have turned.
Edit: Wow guys, thanks for all the love!
Two atoms walk into a bar, one says to the other “Dang, I left my electrons in the car.” The other replies, “Are you sure?”
A cop stopped me and demanded i get out of the car. "You're staggering" he said.
"Well thank you. You're not so bad yourself."
Furiously honks car horn in the middle of no where without a car in sight.
Kids: looks up from their phones, “why did you do that for?”
Dad: “to scare away the elephants!”
Kids: “what elephants?!!”
Dad: “see it’s working!”
——
Thank you! Thank you very much!
A state trooper pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway
Glancing at the car he was astounded to see that the elderly woman behind the wheel was knitting
The trooper crank down his window and yelled to the driver “pull over”
“No!” yelled the woman “it’s a cardigan”
Why did the Russians car not start?
Have you seen the car crash at the national association for blind people?
Witnesses claim they didn't see it coming
For my next car, I’m going to buy a Honda directly from Japan and pay all the necessary tariffs.
It will be my Civic duty.
My wife gave birth to our son in our car on the way to the hospital
I invented a car that moves only when the driver is silent....
It goes without saying...
My son got a new toy car, the Toyota SHOEpra...
My last relationship ended because I didn't open the car door for her...
Instead I swam up to the surface.
Did you hear about the electric car from Germany?
I love snails so I painted the letter S all over my car
Now whenever I'm out driving, people point to my car and say: "Look at that S car go."
Dear driver of the car behind me.
Honking the horn won't make me text any faster.
I answered the door today and a police officer said "I'm sorry, but it looks like your wife has been in a car accident."
I replied "yeah, but at least she has a nice personality."
My father and were in the car and drove passed a cemetery.
Dad: How many dead people are in there?
Me: I have no idea
Dad: Hopefully all of them are.
Lame, I know, but this actually happened to me when I was 12
My 16 year old son was in the kitchen baking up a storm when my wife came downstairs. "What are you doing?" she asked him. "I'm going to have a bake sale to buy a car," he answered. "Where on earth did you get that idea? We're in a pandemic! No one is going to buy baked goods!" He said...
"I heard on Reddit that you need cake to get the car, ma."
I remember my childhood quite fondly, when Dad used to roll us down the hill inside car tires.
Those were the Good Years.
I took my car to the shop today because my tire was making a whistling noise
Mechanic: sounds like a flat
Me: actually sounds more like an F-sharp to me
What’s the last thing through a bugs mind when he hits your cars windshield?
Got this from my 7 yr old this morning while he was getting in the car and didn’t get the door closed completely.
When is a door also a good container?
When it’s ajar.
I had a joke about a grizzly in my car but i always forget the punch line ..
What do you call a car that wants to speak to the manager
It is a distinct privilege to present this award to the inventor of the zero-wheeled car.
This could never have happened without his tireless effort.
I removed the rear view mirror from my car last week.
Haven't looked back since.
What did the traffic light say to the car?
Don’t look, I’m about to change
After years of obstructing my view, I ripped off the rearview mirrors on my car.
Since then, I haven't looked back.
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag.
Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
My Daughter Fell Asleep in the Car And Someone Called the Cops
They told the cops that they had just witnessed a kid napping.
I just drove my new car out of the lot only to find the reverse gear broken.
There’s no going back now.
Whilst reversing the car into a parking spot, I leaned over to my wife and said...
The newest Tesla doesn’t come with that new car smell
It comes with an Elon Musk
(Saw something similar on r/memes and decided it was better fit here)
Heard the 10th Fast and The Furious movie is gonna be about car safety
Working title is called Fast 10: Your Seatbelt
Did you hear about the proctologist who had a car accident?
Why did the chivalrous driver cause a car crash?
He didn't look at the light as it was changing.
The other day, I thought my blue car had turned red
But it was just a pigment of my imagination
Car owner virus is the best kind of virus
So, 3 nuns die in a car crash and end up before the gates of St Peter....
St Peter says to the nuns "Given you are nuns and have devoted your life to good works you only need to answer a single question each to enter Heaven."
He looks to the first nun and asks "where did the first woman live?"
The first nun quickly replied "the garden of Eden".
St Peter nods approval and looks to the second nun "what was the name of the first woman?"
The second nun pauses for a second and then replies "Eve."
"Well done!" Says St Peter before turning to the third nun and saying "As the Mother Superior you should be able to answer this; what did Eve say to Adam when she first saw him?"
The Mother Superior furrows her brow and says "oh, that's a hard one".
"Correct!" Says St Peter. "You may enter."
A man was washing the car with his son.
The son asked, "why don't you use a sponge instead?"
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
Did you guys hear about the guy in that horrible car accident? Lost his left leg and left arm
Don’t worry, he’s all right now.
I asked my French exchange student if he went to the bathroom before we got into the car
I was backing out of the parking lot earlier when I backed into a car! The driver was only 3 feet tall....!
He got out of the car and started waving his hands above his head! He kept yelling "I'm not Happy, I'm not Happy!"
So, I got out and yelled back, "Well, which one are you!?"
Just saw a video of a guy sending his daughter into the store to buy winter air for their car tires.
Any other good jokes like that to play on my family?
I drove my new car out of the lot only to find that the reverse gear is broken.
There’s no turning back now.
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