My boss just told me that I’m the worst mailman he has ever seen.
Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
At the office barbecue, I grilled some rare steak for our boss, and he said, “I like it well done.”
I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”
“I love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. “All you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. “What did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...
What do you call the boss at Old McDonald's Farm ?
I was working my 9-5 at the paint supply warehouse, I just asked my boss for a raise
He handed me a ladder and asked if that was good enough
Which conifer do all other trees call "The Boss"?
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
My boss brought bagels for breakfast and asked me which one I wanted. I said "give me one of the Spanish bagels". He responded " One of the Spanish Bagels?"
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him
everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
In my house, I'm the boss.
My wife is just the decision maker.
TIL Elton John wrote an unreleased song about his short-lived affair with the lead actor in "Who's The Boss?"
He called it, "Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza"
Yesterday, our boss Monty asked us to check the stock of vegetable shortening.
It was the count of Monty’s Crisco.
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
After the contractor did a poor job installing the moving stairs in our office building my boss threw him down the steps.
My boss at the movie theatre asked me why I haven't sold any M&M's
I told him it's not my fault they're hard-sell candy.
My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office.
I am on season 6 so far, but not sure what it has got to do with security.
While having dinner last night, my daughter looked up at me and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?" Proudly, I replied, "Yes, my little princess, yes I am!"
She continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"
My boss thought the spacing in my report was weird
But I felt it was justified
A cowboy comes to his boss his ranch and says 'thats all 50 cows boss'. The boss answers 'how did you get 50? I only got 48!'
The cowboy answers 'I know, I rounded them up.'
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?"
I said, "Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!"
Guy 1: "If my boss doesn't take back what he said to me, I'm leaving the company." Guy 2: "What did he say?"
Guy 1: "Leave the company."
So as my boss watched, I led the group of clowns into the office, each one had a laptop computer. My boss facepalmed and said:
Dammit autocorrect!
I said we need to invest in CLOUD based IT infrastructure!
Did you hear about the Toronto Mafia Boss known for telling bad jokes?
The call him The Stand Up Canadian.
Why did the workers not comment on the boss' bad breath?
They did not want to step on his hali-toe-sis
I used to upholster furniture for a living and hated it. My boss switched me to packing for a while then switched me back. I hate it so bad I have to go to a support group. Talking helps me to do the damned job.
What was the coal-miner’s excuse to his boss?
“I didn’t have time to do my laundry last night, so my soot is dirty!”
As the newest medic on my shift, my boss told me it was my responsibility to watch the office.
I’m currently on season 6, and still have no idea what this has to do with being a medic.
My boss asked me if I wanted to take the trash out or fix the roof
My boss said that an outdoor concert was fine this fourth of July celebration despite the forecast f rain...
Just so I cover all the bassists.
I said to my boss the other day, "I need to leave early today, I'm going to be a father!"
"Of course", he replied. "Take the afternoon off."
When I returned to work the next day, my boss came to my desk. "Well, how'd it go? Is it a boy or a girl?"
"I dunno", I said, "I'll tell you in nine months."
What did the line cooks call the boss?
Stinkin’ boss sacked me from the M & M factory...
Said I was a Smartie for throwing out all the ones that looked like Ws...
I stood up in the middle of a meeting to fix the time on the clock. My boss told me sit down and do it later. I said...
“I guess it’s probably the wrong time.”
One of my feminist friends managed to get herself a new job recently, and literally the first thing her boss asked her to do was to make him a sandwich! Naturally my friend took a stand and quit on the spot, she's even talking about boycotting the entire company.
After a long argument with my boss, I quit my job at the helium factory.
I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
My mother’s boss spelt this on the sign outside the nearby nursery (not gonna lie I think it’s actually pretty funny)
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch that it might be me.
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
At the office barbecue, I grilled a medium rare steak and my boss said, “I like it well done!”
I said, “Thanks. That means a lot to me.”
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch, it might be me.
My boss said to me, “you're the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?"
I said, “I'm not sure; it's hard to keep track.”
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him?
I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office
I'm on season 6 so far, but not sure what its got to do with security.
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
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