How do you track Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Available_Reindeer32
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2021
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There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther

Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.

They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.

I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jzagri
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2021
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What did the left eye say to the right eye when they got married?

'Eye-do'

This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.

The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!

Cred once again my sis wants credit lol

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tieyz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2021
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What was a very common name in the middle ages?

I heard parents named their children lance a lot.

First post please don't kill me

Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/give_me_my_identity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 24 2021
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What pan is the best to make sushi in?

Japan.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Most-Stomach4240
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 01 2021
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I've just deleted all the German names off my pre owned iPhone..

it's Hans free now..

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 28 2021
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Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/theimmortalmeluhan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2021
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Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face"

That was the punchline

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Available_Reindeer32
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2021
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I threw up in the toilet
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/exotic_butters1275
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2021
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The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, β€œI’ve just done a silent fart. What should I do?”

He said, β€œChange the batteries in your hearing aid”.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BritishTeeth11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 19 2021
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Oh the tangled web we weave ...
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 27 2021
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Grandma is always saying to me ' Hey what's the name of that German guy again who keeps taking my stuff '

Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 23 2021
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I got dishonourably discharged from the Navy yesterday for accidentally boarding a different vessel.

Oops, wrong sub.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2021
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What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RodimusMajor84
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 26 2021
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What do cannibals serve at the beginning of dinner party?

handshakes

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Tarjuful_Tabeeb
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 02 2021
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SpongeBob may be the main character of the show.

But Patrick is the star.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 16 2021
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Whoever invented the knock knock joke should get a prize.

The no bell prize.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/WittyOnReddit
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 16 2021
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A policeman was interrogating 3 guys who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?

He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.

"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/808gecko808
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2021
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I asked my German friend if he knew the square root of 81.

He said no.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/superuglypotate
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 25 2021
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What's the difference between Iron Man & Aluminum Man?

Iron Man stops the bad guy, Aluminum Man foils their plans.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DinglebarryHandpump
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2021
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The one and only acceptable way of advertising
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/supdawggg00
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2021
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Me: Sorry I'm late. I broke down on the way to work.

Boss: Is your car with the mechanic?

Me: Car?

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2021
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Whats the difference between a dad joke and a bad joke?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The direction the first letter faces

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Samusftw
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 05 2021
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My 5 year old son has started asking awkward questions about the human body.

I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it....

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2021
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At the weekend, I like to play chess with elderly men in the park. But it's becoming increasingly harder..

..to find exactly 32 of them.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 30 2021
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DAD JOKES ARE NOT DIRTY.

Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.

If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.

Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???

Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.

Thank you,

A Dad.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Von_Bostaph
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 18 2021
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Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 19 2021
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My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."

She said, "Airplane? What is it?"

"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 08 2021
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My 5 year old told me this today - Dad, how does a farmer count all his animals in the barn?

With a cowculator!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/JonSnohthathurt
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 26 2021
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Two women were sharing the same ID card

Because Sharon is Karen

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Available_Reindeer32
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2021
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Today, I'm attaching a light fitting to the ceiling. I've never done it before.

I'll probably screw it up.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2021
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Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same thing?

Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too..

Edit: thank you for awards, I have never gotten one before. I apologize that this is a repost, I did see it on TikTok and thought that it was cute and wanted to share. In the future I will check the sub for similar content before I post anything.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Lewzerman
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2021
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What’s the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?

Black eyed peas can sing us a song and chickpeas can only hummus one.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/coadnamedalex
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 10 2021
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The Communist ....Party
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Saxonez
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 18 2021
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Looking for just the right place to hang this.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Im_a_furniture
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 23 2021
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Ah sorry i didn't read the name of the subreddit right
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/julzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 30 2021
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Can someone please tell me what the lowest rank in the Army is???

Every time I ask someone, they tell me "it's private."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 879
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GuyOnABison
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 22 2021
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Bill and Melinda Gates got divorced. Melinda got the house...

But Bill kept the Windows

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ScubaPride
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 05 2021
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I just got hired at the guillotine factory.

I'll beheading there soon.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 979
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 10 2021
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What is the fastest growing city in the world?

Capital of Ireland

It's Dublin everyday

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PeaPanties
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 16 2021
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What the fuck has happened to this sub!?

http://m.imgur.com/ImM3RWz

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FwootHotCaacon
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 16 2021
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People who don’t know the difference between entomology and etymology…

Bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pllarsen
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 21 2021
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I was recently asked who my favorite vampire was. I replied "the count from Sesame Street."

They told me, "he doesn't count!" I replied, "I assure you, he does."

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/the_seed
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 16 2021
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People in Dubai don’t like The Flintstones.

But people in Abu Dhabi do.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 871
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Illustrious_Ad4691
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 29 2021
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Sorry for being too lazy to look but does anyone remember seeing the joke on this sub about the chiropractor?

Someone posted it about a weak back.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 861
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BritishTeeth11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 17 2021
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I went into the pharmacy and asked the assistant, "What is the best thing for killing germs?"

"Ammonia cleaner." She replied. I said, "Sorry, I thought you worked here."

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/BellaLugosisChips
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 16 2021
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My clothes were having a competition to decide which one is the coolest

It ended up being a tie

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/FlarioKath
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 28 2021
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I need β€œBeau” puns!!

Please post your best Beau (my bfs name) puns. I’m making him a note jar for Valentine’s and I’m short on puns. I already have Bodacious, Beautiful, and beaucoup (bookoo)

Post just a word or a short joke. Thanks guys!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GoblinQueen1998
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2021
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What’s the difference between a sharply dressed man on a bicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?

Attire.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/atomicskiracer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 07 2021
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Did you know 10+10 and 11+11 are the same

Because 10+10 is 20 and 11+11 is 20 too

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/torrenter_11
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 23 2021
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