You look for the fresh prints!
Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis.
They also play roles in Lord of the Rings.
I guess that makes them the Tolkien white guys.
'Eye-do'
This is my first post pls don't kill me lol.
The people in the comment section is why I love this subreddit!!
Cred once again my sis wants credit lol
I heard parents named their children lance a lot.
First post please don't kill me
Edit: i went to sleep and now my inbox is dead, thank you kind strangers for the awards!
Japan.
it's Hans free now..
10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too
That was the punchline
He said, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid”.
Alzheimer, Grandma, it's Alzheimer.
Oops, wrong sub.
Attire
handshakes
But Patrick is the star.
The no bell prize.
The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second guy and asks him, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The second guy smiles, flips his hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"
The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!!? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third guy and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?
He quickly adds, "Think hard before giving me a stupid answer."
The third guy looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "The suspect wears contact lenses."
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
"Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file on his computer and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
"Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does, in fact, wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"
"That's easy..." the third guy replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."
He said no.
Iron Man stops the bad guy, Aluminum Man foils their plans.
Boss: Is your car with the mechanic?
Me: Car?
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The direction the first letter faces
I suppose the freezer wasn't the best place to hide it....
..to find exactly 32 of them.
Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.
If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.
Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???
Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.
Thank you,
A Dad.
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
With a cowculator!
Because Sharon is Karen
I'll probably screw it up.
Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too..
Edit: thank you for awards, I have never gotten one before. I apologize that this is a repost, I did see it on TikTok and thought that it was cute and wanted to share. In the future I will check the sub for similar content before I post anything.
Black eyed peas can sing us a song and chickpeas can only hummus one.
Every time I ask someone, they tell me "it's private."
But Bill kept the Windows
I'll beheading there soon.
Capital of Ireland
It's Dublin everyday
http://m.imgur.com/ImM3RWz
Bug me in ways I cannot put into words.
They told me, "he doesn't count!" I replied, "I assure you, he does."
But people in Abu Dhabi do.
Someone posted it about a weak back.
"Ammonia cleaner." She replied. I said, "Sorry, I thought you worked here."
It ended up being a tie
Please post your best Beau (my bfs name) puns. I’m making him a note jar for Valentine’s and I’m short on puns. I already have Bodacious, Beautiful, and beaucoup (bookoo)
Post just a word or a short joke. Thanks guys!
Attire.
Because 10+10 is 20 and 11+11 is 20 too
