What would Baby Groot be if he joined the Army?
The wife told me this one through tears. “What did baby corn say to momma corn?”
What continent do the cutest baby animals live on?
What crime was the fussy baby charged with?
Did you hear about the fugitives who could only find a livestock pen full of baby sheep to hide in?
Talking baby names with the girlfriend, "what about Noah for a girl", she said, "Hey, whatever floats your boat", I replied.
I received a few jabs in the ribs for that one.
P.s. We aren't expecting, just being sickly.
Why did the baby sheep illuminate when it had a blocked nose?
My wife thinks my job feeding baby dolphins at the local marine park is beneath me.
I don't know, I think it's a youthful porpoise.
Why did he feed baking powder to the babies?
He wanted to have self-raising children.
Have you heard about the Baby Jesus phone plan?
It has immaculate reception.
What's the difference between a a delicatessen specializing in dressed meats, and a place to raise adorable baby Hammerheads and Great Whites?
One is a charcuterie, the other is a cute sharkery.
My friend was trying to feed her baby but he was having none of it. I said "Try the Airplane."
She said, "Airplane? What is it?"
"It's a classic spoof film from the 1980s but that's not important right now."
The wife asked "Baby, would you like anything in your tea?"
My baby son had a wet nappy at the motorway service station so I used the baby changing facilities
What did the mama cow say to the baby cow ?
What did the baby corn tell the mother corn?
So when I get married and my wife is in the hospital and gets the baby handed to her with a blanket
I’m going to ask the nurse if that blanket is womb temperature
My wife called me at work and said “it’s time, the baby is coming”
I said that’s impossible, Labor Day is in September!
(New dad of a 3 week old, trying to step into my new role)
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: 'Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!"
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
What did the baby mosquito say after its first flight?
"Mama, Mama! Did you see? Everyone was clapping for me"
"The stork can't deliver that big of a baby" said the stork manager.
"It needs to be delivered by a Crane."
Smaller babies get delivered by the stork.
Bigger babies need a crane.
What did the mama buffalo and daddy buffalo say to the baby buffalo as he was leaving?
I was really disappointed to see my high school valedictorian at the beach just feeding a baby dolphin. I told him that we had all expected big things from him.
He looked at me and said simply, "hey, I'm serving a youthful porpoise."
Credit to the late, great Norm MacDonald, whose version is lengthier and, of course, funnier.
What's the difference between a Seagull and a Baby?
One flits around the shore, the other shits around the floor.
Headed to the store to buy baby formula; my wife asked if we needed two cans…
“We don’t need tropical birds right now honey, we need baby formula!“
Jeez I wish she would get her priorities straight.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants!
What did the hamburger name it's baby?
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of
What did the baby call the father computer?
What's the first game a baby plays?
I took my pregnant wife to the doctor today. When we got there, the doctor said "I should'nt be the one to help you deliver the baby." When we asked why, the doctor said
"I do'nt understand contractions."
Do you know the joke about the baby?
Why did the baby waterfall?
It fell out of the river bed.
My wife keeps telling me to change the baby
But I like the one we have already.
Sibling humor, the backs of two ocean-themed quilts for my baby bro's new son and daughter.
What do babies do on the internet?
What did the last baby of triplets say to itself before being delivered?
“Gosh it’s womby in here!”
Son was making cereal in the Kitchen and asked me where babies come from
My four year old told me he wanted to put his baby sisters diapers in the mailbox.
I told him that he’d go straight to jail. For mail pampering.
Baby Roach: “Papa, what happens if the humans spray us with Raid?”
Papa Roach: “Suffocation. No breathing.”
If Baby Groot was in the Army, what would he be?
Smaller babies may be delivered by stork but the heavier ones need a crane.
What did the hamburger name it's baby?
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