A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"

"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."

"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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Why is 6 afraid of 7? (The answer is not what you're thinking)

Not what you're thinking.

πŸ‘︎ 329
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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My dad had a burning question about grammar and I didn't know the answer so I came here to ask it.

His question was, "Is 'buttcheeks' one word?"

"Or should I spread them apart?"

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tis-a-pirate
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Every day I come home and ask my dog how his day was, and every day he always gives the same answer...

Ruff.

πŸ‘︎ 440
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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I guess it's time to answer the call of Nature..πŸ’©
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unrealhumour
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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My dad's answer to what came first, the chicken or the egg?

The one you ordered first.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonp27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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We have a joke calendar and we missed this week, my wife was having me guess the answers and we ended up accidentally creating this gem: what do you call a cow that was just born?

A mooborn!

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Singular1st
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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The man with the answers
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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A guy is walking through the woods one day when he comes across a suitcase. He takes a look inside, only to find a fox and her cubs. So he calls the ASPCA and tells the woman who answers what he’s found...

She says, β€œOh, that’s horrible. Are they moving?”

The guy replies, β€œI don’t know, but that would explain the suitcase.”

πŸ‘︎ 446
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
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Violins is never the answer
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/samyaksoni
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
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I've been on edge today searching for the answer.

I usually use Chrome, but today I'm on Edge.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clit_or_us
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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The answer is what happened
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/binayakhero
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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The DJs at prom don't techno for an answer
πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/imperfectshane
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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I was on a game show and the final question was "What do you call a 3D painting made out of plaster?" I couldn't think of the answer and I was worried I'd lose all of the money. Then I got it right!

It was a relief

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Gray_Area
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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Confucius knew the answers to all of life’s questions.

The same cannot be said of his twin brother, Confusion.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nobida12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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A woman in the shower hears the doorbell. "It's the blind man". So she answers the door naked...

"Nice bewbs! Now where do you want me to hang the blind?"

πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toadfinger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
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Still can’t find the answer
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sudoku12
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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I asked my daughter which state she likes most in the USA, but she didn't answer!

It's ok, Alaska again later.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gitrikt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
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Answer the question woman!
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacob_Young6138
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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Think of a number between 5 and 15. Multiply by 2, add 3, and subtract 7 from the answer. Now close your eyes.

Dark, isn’t it?

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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I asked my friend what he was doing with all the cement he bought. He didn't give me a concrete answer.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sK197666
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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I think the President has all the answers on COVID-19...
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kellermaverick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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My son turned 21 today and as we were about to share our first drink together, I wisely advised him, "Remember, vodka may not be the answer..."

"...but it’s worth a shot."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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Ok babe, I have a question. I'm pretty sure the answer is no...

...but what is the opposite of yes?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/artvandelay440
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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What is the best gift you can give someone? Answer: a broken drum...

You can't beat it...

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoliathGr33nman
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
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A cowboy comes to his boss his ranch and says 'thats all 50 cows boss'. The boss answers 'how did you get 50? I only got 48!'

The cowboy answers 'I know, I rounded them up.'

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Demonazzzz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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A tough one found on the Punderland home on Balboa Island. (Answer in comments)
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frisbeeluna
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
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I wanted to know how to build big muscular shoulders. I tried asking a guy with big traps at the gym, but I still have no answer...

...every time I ask him, he just shrugs.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mihaaal2481
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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Drugs are never the answer.

But it is a five letter clue for a crossword puzzle.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
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Which Witcher character knows the answers to all quiz questions?

Geralt of Trivia

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/martyalbi22
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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Danger, Fear, and Panic came knocking at my door. It'd been ten years since the last visit, and all holding clipboards, were ready to begin the inquisition. Nervously, I opened the door and prepared myself to answer their calling.

"Sense us."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Your mom had to get a tuberculosis test for work. I guess we'll finally have an answer to the age-old question . . .

TB, or not TB?

πŸ‘︎ 429
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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What's worse than a person with all the answers?
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OuterNetUterus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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Why Couldn't the Rope Answer the Phone?

Because it was all tied up!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Konkest_Dong
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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I had a frightening math joke where the answer comes out to 4.

But I'm 2^2 to even say it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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The answer to an addition problem is the...
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xdParagon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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Can't answer the question

My wife: I'm not in any kind of state to be answering questions like that! Me: What questions DO they answer in Florida?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the101wanderer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
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I'm positive about the answer
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePowderhorn
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2019
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42 is the answer because it is very fortuitous.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oafah
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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Alcohol is not the answer!!

It helps forget the question though

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/me-no-smart
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Every day I come home and ask my dog how his day was, and every day he always gives the same answer...

Ruff.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is 6 afraid of 7? (The answer is not what you are thinking)

Not what you are thinking.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
My son turned 21 today and as we were about to share our first drink together, I wisely advised him, "Remember, vodka may not be the answer..."

"...but it’s worth a shot."

πŸ‘︎ 396
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report

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