My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
I know they say that money talks,
but all mine says is ‘Goodbye.’
What do you call a ghost that haunts the set of a day-time tv talk show?
The Phantom of the Oprah.
My son hates art so much that his body releases gas every time we talk about it
Did you hear about the midget who could talk to the dead that was running from the police?
He was a small medium at large.
Did you hear about the two friends named Doug that got in a fight and don’t talk anymore?
Now they’re both Doug-less
I own a fish that can talk.
I asked him, "What lights up your night?"
He said " Blub"
Sorry, he's a bit dyslexic.
My family complains that I never talk during breakfast because I still read a newspaper.
You can say.... I’m behind The Times.
I used to know a guy who was all about getting his waffle in the morning. That's all he'd talk about! He'd even take people's toast out of the toaster and put in his waffles.
My deaf wife just told me that “we need to talk.”
That was not a good sign.
I have a friend named Jack that can talk to vegetables.
Jack and the beans talk!!!
Thats why communist talk a lot
My friend is elated that Bruce Willis is coming to his college to give a talk...
I have this rare disease that causes me to talk like a YouTuber
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If you talk to stairs, does that make you a “StairMaster”?
Bar talk: Dude 1: What was that song by Eric Burdon again; something about love is on fire? Dude 2: Yeah. Yeah. "Love is a burnin' thing, and it makes a fiery ring..."
Dude 3: I think it was Hotel California. "Last thing I remember, I was running for the door..."
How does a fish talk to it's friends that live far away?
By logging into the Fishnet
It's a known fact that cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them
It's a case of in one ear and out the udder.
My daughter is 14 and dating. Her boyfriend’s name is Braden, I think..so I just use any B name that comes to mind to annoy her. Braden, Brody, Bradley, Brandon, Bruce, Bryce, etc. Looking for more suggestions! I also talk gangster to her all the time to get her going. Being a ‘Dad Joke’ Dad is fun!
My wife keeps telling me that I talk in my sleep, but I don’t believe her.
No one at work ever mentioned it.
Did you know that the song "Away in a Manger" talks about fawns?
"Bless all the deer children in thy tender care..."
Did you know that Jesus drove a Honda, but didn't like to talk about it?
He always said "for I do not speak of my own Accord"
My partner said she saw a baby so cute her ovaries exploded. Baby wasn't even that cute. Talk about an ovary-action.
My friend Rhee died, but I've convinced myself that he's just gone far away. I don't like to talk about it, so when someone asks me I just say...
That's some trash talk for ya'!
Every time my Dad and I talk about a movie that is clearly fiction... (Transformers, any Zombie Movie, Avatar, Tron)
"Its based on a true story, right?"
I still laugh every time though, and use it myself sometimes.
My deaf wife just told me that “we need to talk.”
That was not a good sign.
Studies show that cows produce more milk when farmers talk to them
It’s a case of, in one ear and out the udder
Studies show that cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them.
It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.
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