Super 8 Puns

Regular workers must wear small face shields, while Managers get to use the super-visors.

Luckily, I only suffered super fish oil injuries

It's super catchy.

Because it's super natural

Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis (edited, thanks kind friends for the correction!)

I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that Gandhi was a super fragile, calloused mystic suffering from halitosis.

On average, this guy walked 11+ miles per day for 40 years. WITHOUT SHOES.

Dude fasted frequently, too, so he didn't get a lot of the nutrients that most people get on a daily basis and presumably had bad breath.

That being said, Gandhi was...

A SUPER CALLOUSED FRAGILE MYSTIC HEXED WITH HALITOSIS.

...on one hand, you wear a super cool ring, on the other hand, you don’t

She rolled her eyes and said "Booberry Wheats, obviously"

I said "No, it's..." and then in a super spooky ghost voice "... WeeeeEEEEeeeetabix"

She laughed so hard she choked on her food.

Super Calloused Fragile Mystic Plagued with Halitosis.

Fireball is bad diplomacy, it just inflames the situation.

Just one example from my second ever video, 50 D&D puns! I am super new and super small, so every view is valuable to me!

Hey, do you know where the farm is?

Just around the CORNer.

Super proud.

Yes, we live in Ohio. All the farms here are corn.

He was a super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis.

She was giving my niece (3) and nephew (6) a bath. When they were done, the kids used their towels as capes and were running around naked yelling 'we are super heroes!!' My sister responded with, 'I don't think think there are any naked superheroes... Except maybe The Flash.'

A super hearo

Deep in the villain’s super secret base, he noticed that his 10” concrete filled steel walls looked bare. He asked his minions why was there no large, artistic rendering of his terrifying logo hanging behind his desk.

His minions replied, “We’ve tried everywhere, but we’ve been unable to find a sketchy artist.”

Super Mario, brother.

Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis

In a quote she said "The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis".

"That's why it's called adult super-vision."

I’m still waiting for my adult super-vision to kick in

I hope every one has a Super Mar10

Colorado.

(My 8 year old just made it up)

Edit: Thank you for the gilding, she's super happy about this all. You folks are too kind.

When will I get adult super vision?

A super gyro

Then say : now you are super angry! She might laugh.. you might die.

The Super-Market.

I guess this is your Super Bowl or something

Dad: so what do you want for dinner?

Me: food

It is super lame but understand my satisfaction. He used that joke so many times lately

It's super hard

Now he is no longer instinctual, with only his super-ego left. Is this a psycho-babble joke? Yes, I'm a-Freud so.

A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.

The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"

The man replied, "Oh, that's when I went to Yale."

The employer is even more impressed. "That's great, you're hired!"

The man is super happy and says "Yay, I got a yob!"

First off a six-parter

1. If there are 500 rocks on a plane and you throw one out, how many are left? A: 499
2. How do you get an elephant into a fridge? This is a three part process A: open the door, put in the elephant, close the door.
3. How do you get a giraffe into a fridge? This is a four part process A: open the door, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, close the door.
4. All the animals go to heaven for a meeting, but one can't come, why not? A: the giraffe, it's in the fridge.
5. A weak old lady has to cross a river full of alligators, how does she get across? A: the alligators are at the meeting in heaven.
6. As soon as the old lady gets across the river she dies, how? A: the rock fell on her head.

No 2 A real cool guy walks into a cafe. He wearing sunglasses, tidy haircut, but just a super cool guy all round. He orders a glass of condensed milk and puts it on his table. Next time the waitress walks past he asks for a glass of black coffee. Now he has a glass of milk and a glass of coffee next to each other, this guy is real cool. Next time the waitress walks past he orders a glass of ice. She's happy to do that for this dude because he is so cool. He mixes the milk and coffee with the ice and stirs with his little spoon. Looks good. The old man that owns the cafe walks up to him and says, 'I see your in the Navy". How did he know?

A: he was wearing a naval uniform.

Anyone know similar nonsense?

Me: Super easy. It was right next to the potatoes.

I'm surprised he didn't go for Super Smash Bros. Maylay.

For I am SUPER CTRL-S 🙂

He was a super-fragile-calloused-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis

He became a nicer man, in fact much nicer, since his super-ego and ego took over.

They like to keep it super natural.

he's now a super veteran

We know he frequently fasted which made him somewhat frail and caused bad breath. We also know that he often went without shoes, making the souls of his feet very tough.

This made him a... Super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

(I’ll see myself out)

Now she's super naggy.

She was a gold digger.

She was super into metal.

We got stoned together.

I'm thinking about coaling her, but you're supposed to wait 3 days.

And he’s fun to mess with.

The other day we drove by a super dusty Porsche in the parking garage at our apartment.

He sadly says “I feel bad for that Porsche”

I responded “what’s a sha?”

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who’s on first?" might have turned out something like this:

Bud Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

Lou Costello: Thanks. I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

Bud Abbott: Mac?

Lou Costello: No, the name’s Lou.

Bud Abbott: Your computer?

Lou Costello: I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

Bud Abbott: Mac?

Lou Costello: I told you, my name’s Lou.

Bud Abbott: What about Windows?

Lou Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

Bud Abbott: Do you want a computer with Windows?

Lou Costello: I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

Bud Abbott: Wallpaper.

http://bestcleanfunnyjokes.com/abbott-and-costello-meet-microsoft-windows/

Me: Dad please no this is not the time Dad: Well I don’t want a super salad, I want a regular salad

Ooh tell me more about this super salad.

Clown asks: "What do you call someone posing as a fake Italian chef? An im-pasta"

Man doesn't laugh

Clown asks: "What do you get when you cross a tiger and a bear? A tiger and a bear seeking revenge."

No response

Clown asks: "Which super hero asks the most questions? Wonder Woman"

Nothing

Clown asks: "Have you heard of the baseball team the Chicago Hot Dogs? They are the wurst"

Doesn't crack a smile

Clown asks: "Why was the alcoholic so annoying? He wined too much"

Clown starts to get nervous

Clown asks: "The disinterested hockey player got a penalty. What was it? Boarding"

Blank look

Clown asks: "What is a nun's favorite card game? Old Maid"

Yawn

Clown asks: "How do crustaceans celebrate birthdays? With crab cakes"

Annoyed

Clown asks: "What do you call a champion deer? A Win-doe"

grasping at straws

Finally Clown asks: "How do sheep sleep when they have nightmares? Baaaaadly"

He never laughs. Clown gives him his $100 and asks "Did any of my jokes make you laugh?"

Man says "No pun-in-ten-did"

You know he fasted a lot, which made him skinny and frail. He also walked barefoot for most of his life. Spent a lot of time pondering life's imponderable mysteries. Oh, and they say he had bad breath. In other words, I guess Gandhi was a super-fragile calloused mystic suffering halitosis.

I have her super glue by mistake. She’s still not talking to me!

The friend sees it and says

"You shoudn't have got this. It's super rare and expensive. I'm probably going to use it for cooking anyway. It gives very nice flavor."

The guy responds

"Well if you're going to cook with it, better be now. There's no thyme like the present"

Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.

My family were on vacation and we were going on a hike. We had been walking for a little over an hour when my sister she had something in her shoe that was bothering her.

She asked us to stop so she could take it out and my dad excitedly agreed. I was super confused as to why he seemed so excited, so I stopped as well.

My sister sat down, took off her shoe, and my dad gasped dramatically.

“Oh my god! There was a foot in your shoe.”

He proceeded to laugh himself to tears, while I laughed at his reaction to his own dad joke.

It's OK though, I just received some super fish oil injuries...

I left it beside the shed in the alley. The next morning it was soaked, and super deep with water. I would have just poured it out, but I'm in an apartment and the landlord would get mad; no good place to pour it out. So my buddy gave me this instructional video, and it really helped out. My wagon's dry as a steel owl now thanks to this video. I highly recommend it. It's called "How to Drain Your Wagon".

I said it's gonna take some super stitchin'.

Fortunately, my injuries were super fish oil

Lol, on last year's Valentine's day my best friend had got mad at me for not asking my crush out.

We'd planned on going to McDonald's together because he didn't have a date either. When I arrived at McDonald's this f*cker was holding a cardboard box with a terrified look and when he saw me he immediately gave me the box and told me he'd already bought the food and that we better take the bus to my place. I just thought he probably was joking or something because the box didn't even have any kind of decoration, it even had a chips brand printed on it, but as we got to the bus and sat I felt something moving inside, I thought maybe it was a puppy or something, but why did he look scared of it?

So, we get to my house, I go to my backyard, where my then 7yo beagle was and I open the box. I could only see a black blur flying out of it and then heard my best friend scream. It was a rooster. He's terrified of birds. And weirdest of all it was a fully grown rooster but he was super tiny, like 10 inches tall tiny.

I asked him wtf was going on and he just kinda hid behind the backyard door and said "I bought it so that you could get some cock tonight". I always make puns and he hates them, I was speechless. So long story short I now own 6 chickens and 4 roosters (my mom got super mad at him for buying the rooster, but then she got super attached and bought him a chicken, when she laid eggs she let them hatch, the rooster's name is Enrique btw, my mom even made him a birthday party and all last week, lol)

I only have super fish oil injuries and I'm lucky I wasn't krilled!

Super Mash Bros.

What did the Super Hero Waiter serve to the Vegan Villain? Just-ice

What a super visor.

I said no I don't want the super salad, I'll just take the regular one.

The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis.

They're super flakey.

Friend: wow, that's powerful

Me: I'm just super saying

But now they're just super fit and hotter than ever

I have been holding onto this one for quite some time and got to use it today, while on vacation. When selecting eggs, which were about $9.80, I said "Wow, would you say these are...EGGspensive?"

She responded with a big eye roll. I was super happy.

I say, "Yes, I'd love the super salad!"

The Super Market.

i am the most clueless person in the world when it comes to puns, but i want a really clever one for the back of my shirt for my high school powderpuff game. my name is maddie, they won’t allow any super inappropriate innuendos, and it has to be no more than 12 characters. all suggestions are appreciated!!! thanks y’all!!

Not the usual format, but whenever me and my wife go to the grocery store and buy cheese, I always tell out super loud. "HONEY BE CAREFUL! THAT CHEESE IS EXTRA SHARP!" Always catches her off guard, always gets a decent groan. 😁

Women really know how to hold a grudge. My wife asked me to pass her a lip balm. And by mistake, I gave her a tube of Super Glue. It’s been a month now and she’s still not speaking to me!

need upvotes pls

"Should I have chicken, soup, or pizza?"

"Absolutely. Chicken Super Pizza sounds awesome."

I have super fish oil injuries.

This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."

Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!

This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.

This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Edit: Wow! Didn't expect this big reaction! Thanks for the silver! Edit 2: And gold!? Thanks again! :)

This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.

it’s true. he was a super-fragile calloused mystic suffering halitosis.

Luckily the injuries are only super fish oil.

Now she's SUPER ANGRY.

Luckily my injuries are only super fish oil.

Luckily my injury’s were only super fish oil.

A Super Hearo!

Super Cauliflower Cheese The Lobster Was Atrocious

Just the regular salad would be super.