Because it was a piece of cake.
"It's because I'm grounded"
He wanted to sew his work.
I guess it’s back to the drawing board.
Last night, after dinner, I got a small piece of cake for dessert. Apparently, this piece was smaller than what I usually get because my teenage daughter said, "Are you on a diet or something?"
I sarcastically said, "Yes. I'm on a diet."
Without skipping a beat, my kid said, "Hi, on a diet. I'm daughter."
I hold my head a little higher today, knowing I've raised her right.
I stuck by my principals.
They autumn-obile!
"Ben, over to the front. Touch your toes."
They keep their friends close and their anemones closer
Because the teacher said it would be a piece of cake.
Because they're softmore
On a scholar-ship.
He was a bubonic plagiarist.
Luckily I know sigh language.
Thing is they're the nursing students.
It's C-rated.
Because he was an English Major.
So my wife is a teacher, and is attempting to explain puns to her students. She mentioned that dad jokes would be the perfect examples. So what are ya'lls BEST puns?
Update: Thank you all, these were fantastic and had my wife and I chuckling through the weekend. She has more material than she thought possible! You also aided me in driving her insane by telling her these jokes almost every two minutes, so from the bottom of my heart; thank you for helping to fulfill my purpose, it's quite wonderful! Thank you all, these were all fantastic!
Apparently she was tweeting on an exam.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked him. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," he replied innocently. "You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed. "You know", explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move."
But my bank calls them "outstanding"
Why can't blind people eat fish ? Because it's "see" food. I'm really proud.
Don’t fix it if it ain’t baroque.
“I’d be beside myself,” was my response.
All thanks to Weird AL.
They multiply by dividing
My students are telling other teachers my dad jokes.
They've got bad habits.
I don't think I can ever repay you.
The second one replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike".
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want".
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit".
I just can’t stand being spoken to in that tone of voice.
I told her not to grade on a curve
Witnesses nearby stated to Police the act was non-consensual, as the sign said STOP.
The bartender then said, "Sorry, but you can't B minor."
unfortunately the us military shot it down
No matter how hard they studied, he kept telling all the students "You shall not pass!"
Their 3rd grade teacher asks a student, Johnny, what he did over the summer. Johnny says “I watched the choo-choo” the teacher says, “we don’t say that word anymore. Now we say ‘train’” The teacher asks another student, Tessa, what she did over the summer. Tessa says: “I went to my grampys house” the teacher says, “We don’t say that anymore, we say ‘grandpa’” the teacher asks a third student, Jackson, what he did over the summer. Jackson says: “I read ‘Winnie the Shit’”
Sorry if I’m in the wrong jokes sub lol
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
One student says no, pie are round.
I don't think I can ever repay you
