Strawberry And Chocolate Puns

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

Hi punsters! My wife and I would like to request your help for naming the following party food items with Hawaiian puns. We are hosting a Hawaiian themed baby shower for my wife. The plan is to put tags next to each item.

Ex: Poke bowls: Gotta catch ’em all

Cheese Dips

Salsa Dips

Tortilla Chips

Chocolate Covered Strawberries

Nutter Butter Cookies

Samosas

Cake Pops (shaped like coconuts)

Cup Cakes

Coconut Trifles

Edible Arrangements (Cut up fruit)

Thank you!

and says, “Give me two scoops of chocolate.”

The guy behind the counter says, “I’m sorry sir, we’re out of chocolate.”

The man replies with, “well, in that case...hm... give me two scoops of chocolate.”

The guy behind the counter says, “Sir, I’m sorry but we’re out of chocolate.”

The man, thinking hard this time says, “Well, I want two scoops of chocolate.”

The guy behind the counter, now irate, says, “Sir, can you spell the straw in strawberry?”

“S-T-R-A-W”

“Can you spell the van in vanilla?”

“V-A-N”

“Can you spell the fuck in chocolate?”

The man thinks for a second and says, “There is no ‘fuck’ in chocolate.”

The guy behind the counter slaps the countertop with his hand and says, “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! There is no fuckin’ chocolate.”