What are the scariest jokes in space?

Knock-Knock Jokes

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kickypie
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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When typing a word-play joke, I never put extra spaces on the left.

No pun indented.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/spar_wors
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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Neowise should remind redditors that the best jokes are in space...

Because the best jokes are always in the comets.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ponderingfox
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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Why do astronauts use linux?

because you can't open windows in space.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Niyi_M
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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An astronaut is making coffee onboard the ISS...

He turns to his crewmate and says: "Damn, I can't find any milk for my coffee."

The crewmate replies: "In space no one can, here use cream."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Riverlong
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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How does a computer get drunk?

It takes screen shots.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/chihiro_yoru
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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Iamonthemoonandthereisnoplacetogetabeer.

Youmightsaythereisnospacebar.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/GenIISD
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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I am Buzz Aldrin. Second man to step on the moon.

Neil before me.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mooshoopork4
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 16 2020
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Why are keyboards never tired?

Because they have two shifts.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dizzie222
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I also...

...had a fundamental lack of understanding about apostrophes and spaces...

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 14 2020
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/communist_scumbag
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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You know Orionโ€™s Belt?

Yeah itโ€™s a big waist of space

Ik ik itโ€™s not a good joke I only give it 3 stars

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/_Admiral_Hipster_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
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Help!! Creative Minds Needed!!

My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. Iโ€™d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since weโ€™re there.

Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says โ€œcoolest dad in the galaxy,โ€ a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift Iโ€™m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.

Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??

  • Iโ€™m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!

Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I donโ€™t really have that โ€œcreativeโ€ part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesnโ€™t matter!

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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When you buy a bigger bed, you have more bed room but less bedroom

That's a very important fact I just read and wanted to share with you guys. Buying beds is a serious topic.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FattySuperCute
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
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I hate it when people say age is only a number

Age is clearly a word

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Degtyrev
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 22 2019
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The first photograph of a black hole was released

It sucks

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DumplingBoiii
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
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Ever have your kid come up with a better punchline than your original?

I went to ask my daughter:

Where do you park when you visit the moon?

(Originally I was gonna say at the parking meteor!)

But straight faced she replies:

Anywhere you can find space.

Then she grinned... (she knew what she was doing)... space dad. get it? in space....

Totally out dad joked by my own daughter.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/leyline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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As soon as space travel is possible, Iโ€™m moving from the Milky Way to the Soymilky Way galaxy

Iโ€™m galactose intolerant

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BillowyWave5228
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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Are you familiar with Orionโ€™s Belt?

... huge waste of space.

Sorry, that joke wasnโ€™t very good... three stars.

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๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
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I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday

I guess I wasn't putting in enough shifts

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/huhmanrawx
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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My wife and I are planning a trip to San Francisco to finally fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing The Golden Gate in person.

She asked me, โ€œWhat are you going to do when you see it?โ€

I said, โ€œLetโ€™s cross that bridge when we get there.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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Today I insisted that my son had a hole in his shoe. He didn't believe me and kept looking and looking, took it off and inspect it. He yelled "There is no hole in there at all!"

So I yelled back "Then how did your foot get in there!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DeathcampEnthusiast
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
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Poor Uranus.

The butt of all space jokes.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/m-ego
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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Ultimate dad joke

If I ever have a son I'm naming him Tom just so I can play space oddity by David bowie in the delivery room during the birth. It's the ultimate dad joke and none of you can stop me

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Totesnotastoner420
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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Orion's Belt is a huge waist of space.

Terrible joke, only 3 stars.

Edit: I've been told there is a triple star system and a binary pair so it may be 6 star joke

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Memelord2131
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
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A little boy came running up to me and said, "Please help, my dad is in a fight!"

I followed him and came across two men fighting, so I asked him, "Which one's your dad?!"

He replied, "I don't know, that's what they're fighting about."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 09 2018
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Orion's Belt
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Vitnage
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
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If I steal a Tesla...

... is it called an Edison?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/show_me_the
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 17 2018
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You know Orionโ€™s Belt?

Big waist of space, huh?

Didnโ€™t like that joke? Thatโ€™s okay. tโ€™s only got 3 stars.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SirCEWaffles
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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Two astronauts went to space and just sat in their shuttle watching the beautiful earth rotate.

After 24 hours, they finally had enough and decided to call it day.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/NegativePrimitive
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 15 2018
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After my girlfriend posted a picture of us at a Meteor Crater..

(Me) "You spelled meteor wrong."

(Her) "Did I really?"

(Me) "Just joking, you spelled meteorite. "

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/IBrokeMyCloset
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
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I was on a roll last night.

My family was having a burger night and I improvised some groaners:

Q - How does it sound when your cousin drives an ambulance?
A - Neeeenaaaaa-neeeeenaaaaa! (There is a cousin called Nina)
Q - How do you know when your cousin is coming to visit?
A - they ring the Issa-belle! (Yip, you guessed it there is a cousin called Issabelle)

Q - What does a dinosaur say to offer you a hot drink?
A - Would you like some tea, Rex? (Hate to over explain and ruin the joke but just in case - Rex )

Then during bathtime:

Q - When a crab goes to jail where do they lock him up?
A - A jail shell. (there was a decorative jar of shells there which I used as a muse for this piece)

Q - How does a daddy cow clean himself at night?
A - In a bub-bull bath. (Just came to me)

Q - What does an astronaut use in the bath?
A - A space cloth. (this one didn't really land but I stand by it)

Q - What do you use to wash your hair in the toilet?
A - Sham-poo (low hanging fruit but this one absolutely killed)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dat_asthma
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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Who needs Orion's belt?

It's a waist of space.

Edit: I can't believe anyone would downvote a three-star joke like this.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/startrektoheck
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I donโ€™t think theyโ€™ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but donโ€™t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

โ€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, โ€˜The good news is..itโ€™ll feel better when it quits hurting.'โ€

Whatโ€™s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

โ€œIโ€™ll call you later!โ€- โ€œPlease donโ€™t do that. Iโ€™ve always asked you to call me Dad!โ€

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

โ€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: โ€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.โ€™โ€

โ€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, โ€˜No, just leave it in the carton!โ€™โ€

I got so angry the other day when I couldnโ€™t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book Iโ€™ve ever read, Iโ€™d say: โ€œWow, thatโ€™s coincidental.โ€

Iโ€™m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build itโ€™s house? Igloos it together.

โ€œMe: โ€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!โ€™ Dad: โ€˜Poof, Youโ€™re a sandwich!โ€™โ€

โ€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

โ€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? Theyโ€™re all girls, otherwise theyโ€™d be uncles.โ€

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth โ€“ its pasteurized before you even see it

โ€œWhatโ€™s Forrest Gumpโ€™s password? 1forrest1โ€

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: โ€œDonโ€™t worry; this is a piece of cake.โ€ I said: โ€œNo, itโ€™s a math problem.โ€

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I donโ€™t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. Iโ€™m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/weeb123xD
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2019
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Girlfriend: "The amount of ducks you have here is ridiculous..."

Me: "You mean reduckulous..."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BopNiblets
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 04 2014
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I haven't seen him much but I thought /r/puns would like to have The Punslinger, Tim Vine, on here
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Peter_L_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 30 2014
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===Four in one! Deal of a lifetime!===

My dad has trained me in the art of bad puns, and I have put that training to good use. I have four jokes in one post that are guaranteed to knock your socks off! (And maybe kill off a few brain cells)

Onto the jokes!

Lizards are never unprepared, theyโ€™ve been ready from the gecko!

How do aliens call each other? SpaceTime!

Student: Can I have a can of mutton? Teacher: I donโ€™t know, can ewe?

What do musicians do when they get angry? Nothing, they keep their composer!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Fro-Ro
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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My dad texts me jokes about once a week. Here are about 30 of my favorites.
  • What's the difference between mononucleosis and herpes? You get mono from snatching kisses.

  • If you were to lose your left arm, you'd be all right.

  • Why can't you hear a pteradactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent.

  • Communists only write in lower-case letters because they hate capitalism.

  • I got a new job at the police sketching pictures of suspects. I'm a con artist.

  • Cat Woman's real name is Catherine Woman.

  • I have a new cat joke. ...Just kitt'en.

  • How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Look for Fresh Prints. *

  • Did you hear about the two men who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

  • I just saw an Apple store get robbed. Does that make me an iWitness?

  • Dwarfs and midgets have very little in common.

  • I'm moving to Seoul. I was told it would be a good Korea move.

  • Did you hear about the professor who was killed in a car accident? He was grading papers on a curve.

  • Why isn't an iPhone charger called Apple Juice?

  • Ever try to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

  • When Peter Pan throws punches, they Never Land.

  • I was struggling to understand how lightning works, but then it struck me.

  • Einstein developed a theory about space. And it was about time, too.

  • Apparently Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the moon, and then follow up with, "Ah, I guess you had to be there."

  • I'm going to make a TV series about a plane hijacking. We just shot the pilot.

  • Would you call a drunk working at an upholstery a recovering alcoholic?

  • Yesterday I got covered in ketchup from my head tomatoes.

  • Even though I've gone bald, I still keep the same comb I've had for 20 years. I just can't part with it.

  • Picture of my sister after getting her nose pierced "She nose something!"

  • I went to the dentist and showed him my cavity. He told me to pull up my pants and get the hell out.

  • Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It was okay - he woke up.

  • So what if I can't spell armageddon. It's not the end of the world.

  • When you get an infection, urine trouble.

  • "Hey waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!" "Yes, sir; it's fresh ground."

  • How did the butcher introduce his wife? "Meat Patty."

  • Elton John is a great piano player, but he sucks on the organ.

  • Elton John wrote a tribute to Amy Winehouse: Candle Under the Spoon *

  • What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke. *

*My absolut

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/WhenIm6TFour
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 09 2014
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Went on a dad joke crusade

This was a conversation i had with a friend

friend: Dad jokes aren't good tho

Under any circumstances

me: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

friend: Commit oxygen not reach lungs

me: What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.

friend: Please

Stop...

I beg of you

me: it's funny cause there's no oxygen in space

friend: I know the point of the joke

me: i was talkin about "Commit oxygen not reach lungs"

friend: Oh my god...

me: one more for good measure

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "do you know how to drive this thing?"my work here is done

friend: Dad jokes are gay

me: i tried to find a gay dad joke

i wasn't very happy with the results

friend: Ha

me: wasn't very happy

friend: Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME!?

me: this has been the best

friend: cri

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ThePlagueDoctor06
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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Puns for Kids

The funniest and shortest puns for kids, you always remember while teaching children puns, try to choose the short ones because they are easy for them to remember and register.

Puns for Kids

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!


What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!


Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.


What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!


Two silkworms had a race. They ended up in a tie.


Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.


The streets in the capital of Afghanistan are paved with Kabulstones.


How does a lion greet the other animals in the field? Pleased to eat you.


What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn? An egg roll!


No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.


Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasnโ€™t chicken!


What musical is about a train conductor? โ€œMy Fare, Ladyโ€.


A man drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.


What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.


What animals are on legal documents? Seals!


Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!


Why did the bumble bee leave the house? It heard the school was having a spelling bee.


Being struck by lightning is really a shocking experience!


How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans!


Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!


Dockyard: A physicianโ€™s garden.


What did the angry mother say to the boiling pot of spaghetti? Simmer down!


The lights were too bright at the Chinese restaurant so the manager decided to dim sum.


โ€œWhatโ€™s purple and 5000 miles long?โ€ โ€œOoh! I know! The Grape Wall of China!โ€


Every calendarโ€™s days are numbered.


This duck walks into a bar and orders a beer. โ€œFour bucks,โ€ says the bartender. โ€œPut it on my bill.โ€


I used to be twins. My mother has a picture of me when I was two.


What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!


When does a well-dressed lion look like a weed? When heโ€™s a dandelion (dandy lion).


Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a-salted.


A bicycle canโ€™t stand on its own because it is

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
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Science Puns

One of the funniest school puns; science puns

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, theyโ€™d be alloys.


The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.


If youโ€™re not part of the solution, youโ€™re part of the precipitate.


A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, โ€œNo, Iโ€™m traveling light.โ€


Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because youโ€™re talking nonsense!


How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.


What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Heโ€™s 0K now.


I wish I was adenine, then, I could get paired with U.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says โ€œI think Iโ€™ll have an H2O.โ€ The second one says โ€œI think Iโ€™ll have an H2O tooโ€ โ€” and he died.


A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.


Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


What element is a girlโ€™s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your โ€œstyle.โ€


Iโ€™m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I canโ€™t put it down.


I have a new theory on inertia but it doesnโ€™t seem to be gaining momentum.


Why canโ€™t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they donโ€™t believe in higher powers.


Schrodingerโ€™s cat walks into a bar. And doesnโ€™t.


Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.


What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!


A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies โ€œFor you, no chargeโ€.


Two atoms are walking along. One of them says: โ€œOh, no, I think I lost an electron.โ€ โ€œAre you sure?โ€

โ€œYe

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๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 04 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
One astronaut says to another โ€œI canโ€™t find any milk for my coffeeโ€

The other astronaut replies โ€œIn space no one can, here use creamโ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 282
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/OwenJthomas89
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
๐Ÿ‘︎ 3k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Lee_Hey_pat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 02 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
You know Orionโ€™s Belt?

Waste of Space.

I know, I know, mediocre joke: 3 Stars.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/coadnamedalex
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 16 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit โžก

๐Ÿ‘︎ 78
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Josvys
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
You know Orion's Belt?

Big waist of space, huh.

Don't like that joke?

That's okay, it's only got three stars.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 30
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CriminalLostBoy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Have you heard the news about Orions belt?

Scientists are saying it's a waist of space..

Sorry.. That was a three star joke.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 93
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AJDogHouse
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What's the hardest part about throwing a party in outer space?

You have to planet

๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lukepprice
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 12 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How does NASA organize a party?

They planet

๐Ÿ‘︎ 916
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/369damnurfine
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 05 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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