How does a Karen screw in a light bulb?

She puts it in the socket and expects the world to revolve around her.

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📅︎ Jul 30 2020
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I bought one of those early 2000s robot dogs but have nowhere to charge it

I need to find a pug socket

👍︎ 8
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📅︎ Jun 20 2020
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How do you beat a robot in a fist fight

Socket in the jaw

👍︎ 15
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📅︎ Jan 12 2020
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A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant

... and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theater followed by drinks. They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.

After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!

'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. 'You just happened to catch my eye.'

👍︎ 224
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📅︎ Sep 28 2015
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I challenged, I failed. Dad triumphs.

My friend asked this on her wall on facebook.

Anyone else suffering from electricity shortage?

Dad: Nope. That would be shocking! Or revolting.

Me: Ohmm...These puns are so ampty..needs to be more electrifying

Dad: OP, Watt??

Dad: The puns are the current thing.

Me: I hope nobody breaks the circuit of these puns.

Dad: Wire you worried about that? They'll just socket to ya!

Me: This is such a Polarity moment. Say Cheese, Brofs SPARK

Dad: Don't be negative. Try alternating. It's not terminal.

Me: You have bested me, You win. #dadjokes too good

The Dad is strong, too strong.

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👤︎ u/kurizmax
📅︎ Apr 30 2014
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My wife just had a tooth pulled

As you may know, after you get a tooth pulled, you can't drink from a straw, or do anything that causes a suction effect, else you may get dry socket.

I told my wife that she should call her boss and say this will be her most productive week... because she's not allowed to suck at anything.........

Everyone but my wife laughed.

👍︎ 26
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📅︎ Feb 15 2014
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My sister's boyfriend at the dinner table.

My sister was talking about the cheap sun dresses at Wet Seal, and he quips, "or you could try their sister store, Dry Socket"

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👤︎ u/lisq
📅︎ Apr 23 2014
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I was asked where in the building is the best place to plug in a hoover...

Of course I said a wall socket.

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👤︎ u/jmabbz
📅︎ Jun 10 2016
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Got a customer pretty good last night (Halloween)

So a group of guys come into the shop, in various costumes. One of them is wearing a dressing gown and holding a fork and disconnected plug socket thingy.

I asked him what he was, and he said he was a child that stuck a fork in an electrical socket. He was annoyed that nobody could guess it, so I replied:

"I know, it must've been pretty shocking for you."

My colleague sent me to stock out after that.

👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/Tote_Sport
📅︎ Nov 01 2015
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