What is more funny than a penguin sliding down a hill?
The penguin who pushed him!
Once you start spreading lube on a child's slide, you won't be able to stop.
Where do you put a slide in 2020?
At a plagueground.
I'd like to take credit- but this one was autocorrect oddly enough..
When puns slide into your DMs
LPT: If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, gently slide them under your refrigerator.
Soon, it’ll be water under the fridge.
The vote for better slides on school playgrounds is on the ballot this year.
Unfortunately, I live in a swing state.
What kind of clothes does a sliding car wear?
What did the Frenchman say as he went down the slide?
An beautiful woman orders a turkey sandwich at a deli, with pickles on the side. The guy behind the counter looks at her and says, "You like big pickles?" and winks. As he slides her a pastrami sandwich she looks at him, smiles, licks her lips and says
When you’re sliding in to first and you feel your britches burst...
You should have bought a high quality denim jean with plenty of room for your legs. Those tight jeans are just not practical.
Welcome to the Dark Slide
From my 10 yr old. "WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE PLAYGROUND?"
To get to the other slide
The TSA detained a passenger in possession of a slide rule, compass and calculator...
They said he was carrying weapons of math instruction, and was a member of the Alge-bra movement.
What fruit likes to go down slides?
My son wanted to go on the metal slide at the park today, it was 38°c
I told him that was suislide
Why is it harder for Orange Juice to slide across a floor than apple juice?
If you slide around too much on the toilet seat
You might get a turd degree burn.
Why did the preschooler cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
A Welshman, an Irishman and an Englishman walk into a park and see a slide. This is no ordinary slide, mind you, this slide is magic!
Anything you say as you're going down the slide is what you will land in.
The Irishman goes first.
"A POT OF GOLD!" he yells as he slides down and he lands in a pot of gold.
The Welshman goes next.
"POT OF DIAMONDS!" he yells just as loud as the Irishman and he lands in a pot of diamonds.
The Englishman goes next, but he's been on the drink, so he stumbles his way up the slide, then, as he begins his journey down the slide, he yells, "WEEEEE!"
Three cats are on a roof. Which one slides off first?
The one with the smallest mu.
Before he passed away, my grandfather said, “Here are three words that would help open a lot of doors for you.”
Other names include the- Slide of Death, or the slide to heaven
In response to u/-umop-apisdn 's earlier post titled "Suislide" I present Sue-a-Slide
I'm closing one eye, down this water slide...
Winking in a water wonderland!
My friend is so proud that he finally got a waterbed with sliding boxes opened by pulling out and closed by pushing in...
Now he can wake up and jump straight into his drawers!
I tried to skip the line in the water park
But i got caught and they wouldnt let it slide
My Biology lab presented a slide show about using a microscope.
It was called "how to focus" but I wasn't paying attention to the rest.
Had to help the guy out
Me: do you have any penguins?
Zookeeper: no, we dont have any penguins
Me: slides him 20 How about now?
Zookeeper: where did you get 20 penguins?
If you drift a Tesla.....
Is it called an electric slide?
I was telling my wife how sometimes I feel really high and sometimes I feel really low.
"Dear, get off the swing" she said.
My son told me he had a hole in his shoe today
I said yes son, that's where you put your foot in
A man and a women order a McDonalds
The man orders a Big Mac and a large fries. His wife orders a single cheeseburger. When the woman finishes her burger she glances at her husband. He has finished his burger and is moving onto the fries.
Still hungry, she looks at the fries and asks, 'Do you mind if I have a couple?'
He sighs and says, 'I suppose so,'
So she reaches over and takes a handful. The husband turns to her and asks, 'Is that a German couple?'
Confused, she responds, 'What is a German couple?'
He says, 'nein' as he slides his food out of her reach.
You can get addicted to slip'n'slides
So be careful...it's a slippery slope.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the sand bok bok boks
What do you call it when you piss down a slide?
We just got brand new hardwood floors and my wife wanted to slide down the hallway in her socks (true story).
Wife: I'm gonna do a Jerry McGuire down the hallway!
Me: That's "Risky Business" honey
Wife: Don't worry I'll be careful!
Me: ....ok dear
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!
If you drift a Tesla..
Is it called an electric slide?
Why did the chicken cross the park?
To get to the other slide
What do you call it when you drift a Tesla
What do you call a drifting Tesla?
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