Do you hit Rock Bottom?
The bartender replies, "Why the big paws?"
They’re hitting rock bottom...
I've hit rock bottom.
Has really hit rock bottom.
The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son replies “I just did some homework.” The robot slaps the son. The son then says “Okay, okay. I was at my friends house watching a movie.”
Dad asks “What movie were you watching?” The son replies “Finding Nemo”. The robot slaps the son. He then sais “Okay, okay. We were watching porn”
Dad said “What?! At your age I didn’t know what porn was.” The robot slaps the father. Mom laughs and says “Wow. He certainly is your son.”
The robot slaps the mother.
A bye five.
You’re hitting rock bottom
Whenever the clerk at the grocery store would ask my dad if he wanted paper or plastic he would quickly respond.. "It doesn't matter I'm bisacual!"
Last week, I was out walking when i met Dwayne Johnson. That's the time I realized I had hit rock bottom
He ended up coming to his senses
It’s a take I’m willing to risk.
About time she slapped some cents into me.
I told him "Nah, that's a door"
Edit: get consent people
"Mr. Rock, may I slap your behind for the sake of an amazing pun that the people will remember for years to come"
I've officially hit rock bottom.
Adolfin Hither
I guarantee no one has ever heard them before
They were post-tit notes.
It improves division
He said he liked wearing his wife’s shoes when she wasn’t home.
Did this one on my friend, and she slapped me in the head.
Me: I got two jokes for you
Her: Okay, try it
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Her: Dunno
Me: To get to the house of the person who finally understood the joke
Her: I don't get it
Me: You don't? Isn't it obvious?
Her: No. I don't get it
Me: Okay okay, let me try the other joke
Her: Go ahead
Me: Knock Knock
Her: Who's there?
Me: The Chicken
Her *slap*
So I figure this is a regular occurrence for people, and idk if anyone's posted about it before (if so my bad), but y'all ever get real worked up about gnats?
Like,
- It's not a mosquit-hoe.
- Still wants to bug me anyway.
- Can't call 911, so who do you call? S.W.A.T.?
- You can slap your knees as much as you want but it doesn't get any funnier.
- You might wonder if the gnat's a bit buzzed.
Sorry if these puns are so bad they fly over your head. Sometimes you just gotta wing it. 😉
..I'm not good with slapstick humour.
I'm in awe of this lad, what an absolute unit.
If you put your own picture in a locket
you could say that you’re...
Independent
A lady came up behind me and slipped as well, I said I just did that, she slapped me and said use the toilet next time
Guy:"Whats this about?" Bartender:"Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyones drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it? Guy:"Nah, the steaks are too high."
Because he told a woman how nice her hair smelled.
A man named Dave comes home very drunk late at night...
So this guy has been drinking with his buddies all night and he's as drunk as a skunk, gets home, falls up the stairs, undresses and goes to bed next to his wife. He falls asleep and next thing he knows, bang, he dies and finds himself waiting at the pearly gates.
The guy refuses to believe this is happening, he says to St. Peter: "This can't be possible, I'm a healthy man! This is not the way I die. You have to let me return down there!"
The guy can see St. Peter looks like he's feeling sorry for him, but he tells him that unfortunately, there's no policy for allowing people back on Earth. The guy insists: "But come on, there's got to be something you can do! I'll put up with anything, really, as long as you let me go back down."
So St. Peters tells him: "Well really, there's just this one possibility: you can go back, but only as a hen. That's the only thing we can allow." The guy guesses that this really is his only chance, so he agrees reluctantly.
So he's back on Earth in this beautiful chicken coop, the sun is shining, there's green grass everywhere, this is hen paradise. The other hens greet him with delight and he tells them his story, everything goes nicely. But then he feels kind of unwell, there's something wrong with his stomach. He asks this old hen: "Tell me, I've got this weird feeling in my belly, I'm not too well. What is happening to me?"
The old hen: "Well dearie, we hens lay eggs, you know. I bet you've never laid a nice egg before... You need to push it out now, and you'll feel much better after!"
So the guy pushes and pushes, and wham, out pops his first egg. The old hen congratulates him and he feels much better. But not 5 minutes later, his pain comes back. He returns to the old hen for advice.
"Well dearie, it's quite special but it happens that you need to lay TWO eggs, so go back there and keep pushing!"
So he goes back to his nest and pushes, and nothing comes, and he pushes harder, and wham, out comes his second egg! He feels much better, but not 2 minutes later, you guessed it, he's back in terrible pain and goes to see the old hen.
"What's this bullshit here, and don't tell me I've got a third egg to lay!" The old hen can't make head or tail of it and just tells him that when in doubt, he should be pushing. So the guy goes back to work and then, wham, his wife wakes him up with this smashing slap in the face and yells: "*Dave! Dave wake up you’re
... keep reading on reddit ➡You've really hit rock bottom.
I then realized I had hit the rock bottom.
That I realized I had hit rock bottom
Didn't feel like it at the time, but I realized I had hit rock bottom
I've officially hit rock bottom.
I think I've hit rock bottom.
