he responded with, "I already wok all over the place."
I'm 31 and my dad is 66 (sister is 28). This will never get old. Please, always cherish the moments you have with your father.
His response: Carol, stop! I dont need the nativity in my life
Me: "I don't know why the owl socks haven't shipped yet. I ordered the cat socks three weeks ago from the same company, and they shipped in two days. If they don't get here by Christmas, I'll have to ship them down to [Sister's] house in Tennessee, after she's left."
Dad: "Oh, I'm sure she won't give a hoot."
"A clock that displays the time on the roof."
"So you have to go outside to see it?"
So my brother is super hard to buy for because my mom buys him EVERYTHING, literally. This kid has every toy, game console, video game, movie, funko pop, t-shirt, etc to ever exist. My sister and I decided to buy him chips for Christmas. I got jalapeno cheddar cheetos, a few snack bags of spicy chips, and a can of pringles. I'm going to wrap them individually and put them in a stocking. I would like to add a card with a pun or joke about chips to at least make this (admittedly low effort) gift funny.
I have a scrawny, little, younger sister and we always have a seafood buffet for Christmas dinner.
Sister: "Hey, dad can you pass me the shrimp and I want some mussels too please?"
Dad: "Here's the shrimp, for mussels you're gonna have to go to a gym and do some exercising" [continues eating his food without ever passing the mussels]
Sister: "Hey, dad....."
Pops: "Hay is for horses, this is seafood."
This was especially funny due to the fact that he kept a poker face the entire time and never made eye contact with my sister, being completely serious and never cracking a smile. These exchanges happen at least 7X a day.
My girlfriend's mom was opening her Christmas gift when her sister asks why the wrapping paper says "Snow time" on it since there is no snow this Christmas.
I immediately come back with,
"Because there is snow time like the present!"
My sister-in-law posted on her Facebooks, “What time does church start on Christmas Eve? Is is 5 or 530? I can never remember.”
I responded,”it sounds like you are suffering from Mass confusion.”
Not sure if she made it in time.
Suddenly, Dora hatches and the mama hen says proudly, "Dora in the nest; Day One!"
Then, on Christmas, Moira hatches. The mama hen says, "Dora in the nest; Day Two! Moira in the nest; Day One!"
Dora is confused, and asks, "Well, what about our other sister?"
The mama hen explains, "Gloria In Eggshell, Sis; Day Oh."
My sister is called Eve, so every Christmas eve he yells with this shit eating grin, right in her face "IT'S CHRISTMAS, EVE!"
Sister: "Dad, what you want for Christmas?" Dad: "Well, I put a stud finder on my wish list on Amazon. But I dunno, last time I borrowed one to hang a picture, it didn't work." "Why not?" "It kept pointing to me."
Sister: Dad, what did you get me for Christmas?
Dad: Sister, it's 2013, I got you an E-gift.
Sister: Well what was it?
Dad: Just some Bits and Bytes.
In my head Dad totally "dropped the mic" after he laid down that line.
It's tradition to watch A Christmas Story at least like nine times on Christmas in my family. There's a part where Ralphie stares into the camera and smiles after getting away with lying to his mother. Trying to be funny, I said "What the hell's he lookin at!?"
My sister answers with "The camera! It's like in The Office."
Me: "You know, I could never get into The Office."
Dad: "You should find the key, then."
Merry dadmas!
MAN LAWS
The International Rules of Manhood
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding
... keep reading on reddit ➡My sister is a single mum and has been having trouble with love.
Mum: What do you want for Christmas?
Sister: A husband
Dad: Wouldn't you rather he be single?
She walked right out of the room.
My sister realized her dog tore the old skirt that goes under the Christmas tree and was talking about buying a new one.
Her: You and I can buy a new skirt tomorrow.
Him: I don't know, I'm more of a pants kind of guy.
It's tradition that my father makes the family a huge christmas breakfast/brunch. He offered me some fruit, so I was about to grab a piece of cantaloupe, but my sister said that it tasted bad.
So I cleverly respond by saying. "ahh yes, I guess it can't be good"
To which my dad responds by saying, "well you do know why it's bad right? Because it can't elope"
Me and my family went to get our Christmas tree on saturday. It was me (17), my sister (21), my father(49) and my mother(47). We're all trying to find the perfect tree when my sister finds a tree with mushrooms around it.
Sister: "Look! I found mushrooms around this tree!"
Me: "Well we can't get this one, it's infected with fungus."
Dad: "There's a fungus among us!"
Thank you for allowing me to share. I don't know why I found it so funny but he said it without missing a beat. Hope you enjoyed it.
My little sister absolutely loves the movie "Frozen", so naturally my parents got her the book for Christmas.
Sister: "Oh, I love Frozen! I can't wait to read this!"
Dad: "Well you're gonna have to wait. It'll need time to thaw."
My sister got a late Christmas gift yesterday in the form of a bracelet. The inscription on the inside of it says "It's what is on the inside that counts."
My dad immediately began to count.
