Everybody knows about Darth Vader but nobody knows about the rise and fall off his twin sister..
I said to my sister "did you know there's a computer currently calculating all the digits of pi?" she asked "when did it start?"
I told her "at 3"
This was an actual conversation me and my sister had lol
Son: Dad why is my sister named Teresa?
Dad: Well your mom loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter.
Son: Thanks dad.
Dad: You’re welcome Alan.
My mum’s sister was arrested in McDonald’s the other day
The police sent us a letter saying “we were tracking her for a while, but could only act now because places like McDonald’s are the only places where we can a restaurant”
My wife asked if it would be safe for our son to be around my sister, if she wasn’t wearing a mask
… I said it would be fine because he has auntibodies
Guys, I did the honorable thing and married my wife’s poor pregnant sister.
My sister’s dog doesn’t seem to like their new born daughter. She always growls at her. Because of this, she’s looking to re-home her.
If you know anybody who’s interested in a new born, let me know.
Need a new roof? Let me recommend my sister’s all female company...
I finally met Beyonce and her family and I didn't know she had a twin sister!
Just heard this from my kid sister
Why doesn't the keyboard sleep?
Because it has two shifts.
When your sister steps on your foot, what do you say?
Your sister was a very big fan of this place...
Until she started hyperventilating.
My sister and her husband said they were going to split the prime rib...
The waitress said she was very sorry, but that wasn't possible
Wicked proud of this one. I was at the store with my sister today and she showed me a lip gloss and asked if it compliments her.
I took it from her and put it up to my ear for a couple seconds, and told her "It says you look very pretty"
So a few years back, my sister forgot to put the butter away and mom was chewing her out because it was ruined.
Seeing an opportunity to break the tension, I called from the living room, "I guess you BUTTER not do that again!"
Mom shouted back that my joke was terrible, but she was laughing too much to stay irritated.
I had heartburn so my dad gave me his sister's LSD.
It wasn't the antacid I was hoping for.
My wife's sister got angry when they burned her breakfast at a french cafe.
What do you call you mom's angry French sister?
from my gf's little sister
What's a nurse's favorite game?
Peekaboo ICU
Got my sisters whole family with my dumb owl joke, with a bonus follow up groaner
Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.
Sisters kids: Who? WHO?
Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!
cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other
Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad
Me: I'm a faux pas
My four year old told me he wanted to put his baby sisters diapers in the mailbox.
I told him that he’d go straight to jail. For mail pampering.
My sister wanted to marry a postman
but our parents didn't letter.
Me to my little sister: "did you know that a jellyfish has no brain or heart?"
My step-dad next to us: "like a politician"
A cell steps on her sister's foot
My sister is very protective of her tree nursery.
She said to leaf it alone.
(I’ll take my leaves now)
My sister didn't get my pun
My sister died of tuberculosis...
Earth's sister planet is Venus
and she's so much hotter.
What does the cell say when his sister steps on his toe?
What is it called when someone helps kill someones sister?
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
Have you talked to you're sister about vaccines?
Because if I were you, I would edphizer.
Why couldn't Sam ever get along with his Father's sister, Ithesis?
what did the cell say when it’s sister stepped on it’s foot
My sister was complaining her online dating profile only attracted pigs.
She's a real babe magnet.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she mentioned that none of her sisters needed the vaccine.
Turned out they already had the auntybodies.
I'm not too big a fan of Cardi B, but I like her health conscious sister
What can you use to throw a sister?
I miss my sister’s dog
I haven’t seen her in a dog’s age
What do you call it when a sister of the church is speaking gibberish?
My mom’s sister runs the local candlelight services for the community
Who is Cardi-B's healthy sister?
My mom's sister got vaccinated today
I call her aunty vax now.
My sister and her husband said they were going to split the prime rib...
The waitress said she was very sorry, but that wasn't possible.
I made my mother's French sister angry
My sister bet me a hundred dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti.
You should've seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
My sister wanted to marry a postman
Too bad my parents didn’t letter
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