I think my wife is leaving me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions.

Oh well, hind sight is 1.

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📅︎ Oct 12 2020
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Simplifying Radicals...

So I was complaining about having to write notes on this video about simplifying radicals, and my Dad tells me that I should, "Cut their hair and put them in a suit..." He's still talking about it with my mom.

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📅︎ Oct 17 2013
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I speak in simplified fractions

Half of what I say makes sense

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👤︎ u/DongLongus
📅︎ Oct 16 2020
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My teacher wants me to simplify the equation.

I told him I'm no simp.

I don't know guys.

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📅︎ Oct 17 2020
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My DJ friend took my advice and simplified his salad recipe.

he dropped the beet

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📅︎ Oct 12 2019
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Why are pirates bad for a pandemic?

Why are pirates bad for a pandemic?

Because they keep raising the Arrr number!

(my first dadjokes post!)

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👤︎ u/IndySun
📅︎ Oct 23 2020
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Due to cuts in the education budget, they've decided to simplify the alphabet, reducing it to just two vowels and one consonant...

...but don't worry, everything's going to be A-OK!

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👤︎ u/BluPrince
📅︎ Jun 27 2019
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Make an entire Q of these.
👍︎ 5k
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📅︎ Dec 02 2019
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My geometry teacher said we don't have to simplify square routes in his class.

I thought that was pretty radical.

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👤︎ u/CrazyLogix
📅︎ Sep 08 2018
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In recent news, a giant had a troubling discovery when he returned home from work.

After discovering he'd been given a parking ticket, the giant exclaimed in disappointment as he approached his house. This startled a burglar inside, causing him to flee from the property but not before trapping his stubby digit in the door, causing him to leave blood at the scene. Thankfully, the giant's powerful nasal abilities allowed him to aid police as he was able to detected the exact nationality and gender of the robber in question. When interviewed, the giant simplified the story for us by saying,

"Fee, Fie, Foe, Thumb, I smell the blood of an English Man."

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📅︎ Nov 14 2020
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4/20 (Simplified) imgur.com/gallery/Im8zkS4
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📅︎ Apr 20 2015
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Math jokes
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👤︎ u/Cproks15
📅︎ Mar 12 2019
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Why did the mathematician get stoned on 1/5?

He simplified from 4/20

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📅︎ Apr 21 2017
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I like to collect the stupid things my family says.

This might be a bit long? My family isn't the brightest of individuals.

Sister: My balls are caught in the door!

Me: LOL, WHAT?

Sister: The poof balls on my shoes.


**Grandpa**: I saw you took my junk out of your car and threw it into my car.

**Grandma**: *grins and nods*

**Grandpa**: You're so sweet.

**Grandma**: And I saw lotto tickets too.

**Grandpa**: I dunno where those came from.

**Grandma**: Uh-huh. Probably a damn $5 dollar ticket too.

**Grandpa**: No, $2.

**Me**: He doesn't know where they came from, but he knows how much they cost.

**Grandpa**: *starts adding more to my list of chores*

~

**Grandpa**: It's kinda hot in here.

**Grandma**: NO IT'S NOT, Take off your damn clothes if you're hot.

**Grandpa**: Is that all you ever want me to do, take my clothes off?!

**Me**: OH DEAR GOD, I'M RIGHT HERE.

~

**TV**: The line, "To be, or not to be. That is the question!" is from which Shakespeare play?

**Grandma**: Julius Caesar, right?

**Me**:  Wow.

~

**Me**: How can you NOT like that movie. It has WILL SMITH.

**Grandma**: *thinks* Is it that movie, and he has a partner?!

**Me**: YES. And he's in the west and there's that giant spider at the end!

**Grandma**: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!

**ME**: I DID.

~

**Grandpa**: I need to get a tree saw.

**Grandma**: What's a tree saw...

**Me**: A TREE SAW. A saw, that saws trees. You can't simplify it anymore than that.

~

*while watching American Idol*

**Me**: Omg, that guy's nose is HUGE.

**Grandpa**: If he sniffs really hard, he could overdose on oxygen.

~

**Grandpa**: I'm looking for my camouflage underwear, but they're camouflaged so well, that I can't find them!

~

*Sister rambles on about hating cats and how they're scary*

**Me**: You're just a weenie, Tyla.

**Tyla**: Oh yeah?  Well at least Papa loves weenies!

*Me and Papa look at each other*

**Me**: I sure as hell hope Papa does NOT like weenies.

~

*As we drive home, the tornado siren goes off* 

**Kaylah**: Have you ever seen it?

**Me**: ...Seen what? 

**Kaylah**: The car with the siren.

**Me**: What in the hell are you talking about? 

**Kaylah**: Isn't the tornado siren on a car that drives around town? 

**Me**: ......

~

*While driving through Alton one morning* 

**Grandma**: Here, take a sip of this.

**Me**: Ew.  Coffee is nasty.

**Grandma**: No it isn't!  It wakes ya up, and puts hair on your chest!

~

*Grandma walks out of the bathroom and wipes her wet hands on my face* 

**Grandma*
... keep reading on reddit ➡

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👤︎ u/ziezie
📅︎ Feb 26 2014
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My dad on IT

Older Brother: "Maths is really simplified when it comes to music. All you need to do is count to 4."

Dad:"Nah, it's even easier when it comes to computing. You only need to count to 1."

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👤︎ u/GregorSD
📅︎ Oct 18 2013
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