Simple Jokes Puns

Because it is usually given a D as a grade, but if it upgraded by two letter grades, it would acheive a B instead of a D, making it a Bad joke!!😂

But no pun in ten did

This afternoon...

My wife: Our vacuum cleaner sucks.

Me: Prefect

I spent a good portion of my youth rolling my eyes at my father's jokes. But deep down, I loved 'em. I have a great Dad. But I'm not really the best at saying "I love you". I was reading /r/dadjokes recently and I had an idea. I should turn my Dad's favorite joke into a t-shirt. Then, on Father's Day, I could video chat with him while I wear the shirt.

I think he would love the shit out of that, you know? Like, maybe he will think "Wow, my son gets it. He actually likes my humor!"

Then I thought, I could turn a bunch of these jokes into shirts. So I did. You can see them here:

http://www.funnyshirts.org/s/dadjokes

And then I thought, man, if I could get more people to do nothing else on Father's Day but to embrace their Dad's sense of humor... that would be pretty cool. It would make a lot of Dads happy.

So I wrote the Dad Joke Manifesto:

http://dadjokemanifesto.tumblr.com/themanifesto

You don't have to use t-shirts. Just make a good joke. Employ puns. Think about your Dad's style, his favorite joke, and embrace it.

If you can dig it, then join the movement. Send me your favorite Dad Jokes. Join us on:

Facebook

Twitter

Tumblr

If nothing else, follow along for some good dad jokes.

EXPLAAAAIIN!!

/r/DadJokes

My son is taking Geometry this year so I ask him.

Dad: What did you do in Geometry today Son: Just Angles Dad: Did you see any you liked? Son: Did I see any what that I like? Angles? Dad: Yeah did you see the Acute ones. Son, wife, and daughter and groan at the same time.

But a dogwood

The bro-ccoli.

Told that joke while making soup to my twelve year old and she cracked up. I'm just a simple dad.

I must have done this stupid joke with the studfinder to my wife about a 100 times now and yet it still amuse me every time. Am I just simple? Also don't worry my studfinder definitely still works just tested it

THERE IT IS!

Edit: A simple joke. Not even a hit, but thanks for my first gold! You're very kind!

Which makes it a perfectly common date.

Now, if you have a lot of time on your hands, let me explain. These puns are a timely solution to anyone starting to dadjoke. With enough hours of practice, they become clockwork to deliver. Sometimes it's best to watch others perform the joke. I know, some of you may be ticked off with me (which isn't alarming) using my firsthand information on how to easily make a pun and how it has really wound you up. Yes, I'll hand it to you, making a simple pun is second-best to the more thought out grander puns with all the bells and whistles. Whatever makes you tick, I guess.

He picks up the ketchup bottle, glances at it and gives a hearty chuckle before slathering his brat in ketchup.

Puzzled, the woman watches as the next customer, a young girl, walks up to order her hot dog.

As she takes the container of relish, she bursts into a fit of giggles and walks off with her food, still laughing merrily.

A middle-aged man steps up next. Shoveling sauerkraut onto his hot dog, he laughs uproariously and walks away grinning.

When she reaches the front of the line, the woman asks the hot dog vendor,

“Excuse me, sir, but why does everyone laugh when they get their hot dogs?”

“It’s simple, ma’am.” he says, handing her a piping-hot sausage. “I’m surprised you haven’t discovered for yourself.”

Glancing at the mustard, the woman lets loose a peal of laughter.

“Ya see, ma’am? The real_joke’s always in the condiments!"

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

For as long I can think of, anytime I would take my family out for supper at a restaurant, when our server would bring us the check I would in my best calm and collected demeanor advise our server "Oh table #?? said they were picking this up for us tonight", to which most servers just give a ya right smile or a simple haha nice try sir.

Well on this most recent adventure I see the check coming and get all primed and plot it all out. The server politely slides the check to me, I so graciously put my hand on it and slide it back with my recited lines delivered so perfectly "Oh yes I should have told you sooner that table 16 has offered to pick up the check tonight". Well our server burst out laughing, which to us was a surprise as its not as hilarious as she is now making it. Well when she finally stops laughing enough to talk, she so wonderfully delivers the message, "thats good to know sir - cause your sitting at table 16!"

Jokes on me! But it made for a great night of laugh at dad.

Edit - "demeanor" - where the frick was auto correct on that one. thx Enders!

For a little bit of background information, my dad suffers from multiple system atrophy and got a high fever, which turned out to be from a bad urinal tract infection. He has been at the hospital for almost 2 weeks now, and it is really hard on our family, but he is doing his best to get better and throws this small dad joke to lighten me and my brothers day.

A Speech Therapist comes every day to help him focus on his muscles in his face to help him swallow and speak clearer with simple gestures of noises and deep breathing. As she was done with his exercises, she said to him "Can you say goodbye, have a nice day! in a long sentence?" (As in one breath with no pauses). My dad then takes a look at me and my brother and says in his slurred voice "goodbye... have a nice day... in a long sentence".

The Speech Therapist just smiled and shook her head while we facepalmed...

Thumbs up Dad, I know you will come home soon!

First off, I'm new here. I've only been a dad for a few years but, I'm not sure i'll ever be able to top this and the circumstances of the set up were so chance and specific, I will never be able to use this again. This is what inspired me to seek you out and tell my story.

So, like most thanksgivings, we went to a relatives house and had very large but unusually early dinner. We went home and by nine or ten o'clock we had the little one off to sleep and my wife and I were getting hungry and wanted something simple. She asked for fast food and I was willing to oblige.

I drove to Taco Bell and it was closed. I called my wife, "sorry Taco Bell is closed. What do you want from BK?". I then drove to BK and discovered it was also closed. Called the wife "Sorry honey, BK is closed. What do you want from McDonald's?". You might see were this is going and, if you haven't already guessed it, Micky D's was closed too."Ok, I'm just going to the gas station. What do you want?" She asked for cheddar fries and I was willing to oblige. Got in side, no cheddar fries! I grab her funyuns. She like funyuns, it will be fine. As a joke (not the one we are leading up to) I called her on my way home and told her the gas station was closed too.

I got home, told her the truth about the gas station and gave her the back up back up back up back up back up plan bag of funyuns. She joked around about the number of times I had failed her in one outing (keep in mind, I had been giving her a hard time through this whole event) and then asked me for a soda from the fridge. So is This when the magic happened. I was opening the fridge when the gravity of the situation and what was at stake here suddenly struck me. I closed the fridge, got out a glass and filled it with water. I brought it back to her in the living room. She says "why did you bring me water?"

THE FRIDGE WAS CLOSED!

My boyfriend's dad makes this joke all the time:

Hey, I'll give you a hundred dollars if you do (simple task)

After task is completed

No, no, no, I said 100 doll-hairs HAHAHAHAHA

Made a trip to DC by myself and went to Ford's Theatre as part of the trip. I uploaded a couple picture's I took into an album and made a brief description of each, because I knew my family would be interested in looking. Then my father, who is normally a very silent man who rarely ever smiles (let alone cracks a joke), commented this.

Simple, yet effective.

Anyone unfamiliar with the story: I'm the one who gets my head transformed into a donkey. My joke is so stupidly simple, I just walk up to a fellow cast mate and go

"I'm sorry... For being such an ass."

"Hell if I know." My dad told this joke so often that my brother and I would ask a simple question such as "What's for dinner?" And he word reply. "Elephant. Rhino."

Basically we somehow got on the topic of hipsters and irony. My Dad wanted to make a sort of pun to annoy my sister, because she hates puns.

Now I figure most people would make some sort of reference to an iron "e", and that would be it. But oh no, that's far too simple for him. He says something along the lines of,

"If they're ironic (or defined by irony), doesn't that make them Pharisees?"

So you've got to know that "Ferrous" refers to iron, and then to have some basic knowledge of the New Testament or at least have heard of the Pharisees before. This kind of works on another level because the Pharisees were accused of saying one thing and doing another, which could be said to be ironic to some degree. Of course I've just killed the frog at this point, but I mean if you're ever around some Chemists who have some knowledge of the bible, you might get a slight chuckle, or perhaps even a nod. I'm not really even sure if this qualifies as a Dad joke, but there ya go.

But no pun in ten did.