What did Baby Yoda say the first time he watched The Mandalorian on a high-def screen?

Not HDMI, because Baby Yoda can't speak.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I screen'd this a long time ago because I was so proud
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-Kyri
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
My son has been moving fire wood to earn screen time and keeps asking how much he has done

So I just asked if he wanted a log book to keep track.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/novexnz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Each Avenger on average can only have about 10 minutes of screen time.

That's a little mean.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buttengine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I've taken to watching episodes of Friends on multiple screens all at the same time

I just love synchronised Schwimmers

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MathaMeticulous
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at β€œThe CafΓ©,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: β€œParking now, be there in 5.”

β€œDad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, β€œDad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The CafΓ©.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

β€œHello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. β€œI can’t believe it’s been so long!”

β€œYeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. β€œToo long!”

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sullyrr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Watching the Olympics with my Wife

She asked about the girl on screen getting ready for her routine: "Is she Russian?"

To which I replied : "No she's taking her time"

The eye roll was fantastic.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chrono32123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2016
🚨︎ report
Landed this on the 'Genius' in the Apple store...

Took my iMac in because the hard disc failed. The machine is 6 yrs old so I was made to feel embarrassed coz it was 'vintage and obsolete, Apple don't carry parts and can't help'. I was becoming a bit pissed off at the attitude I was getting then more pissed off when Mr Genius started to tell me to buy some suction pads that glaziers use to carry sheets of glass around, pull out the screen, undo 18 screws etc etc to change the disc myself. That's when I hit him with...

"Glaziers' suction pads? I thought they were only compatible with windows"

He didn't even flinch. Just completely ignored it and carried on sneering at me for having the audacity to be using an old machine. I left feeling like a piece of shit with only pride in my joke keeping me going.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smithmf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2016
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend caught me cheating last night

She said that’s the last time she’ll play split screen with me.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cymorgx009
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I saved my password as incorrect

Every time I get it wrong the screen tells me what my password is.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-E-Droflah
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
🚨︎ report
My Dad trying to be clever in the Kitchen

My Dad and I were getting dinner ready when I quizzed him on how he seasoned the chicken and gravy mixture he was fawning over.

"Uh I haven't put anything in but the chicken, and the gravy."

"Were you going to season it?"

"Wasn't planning on it." he finished, apparently done with the conversation as his full attention was now on whatever football game was on. I decided if he wasn't going to take the initiative and make our food taste like something other than bland than I would.

"Here Dad put in some garlic," I said as i started grabbing spices from the cabinet.

"Some basil, salt, pepper, thyme... " I didn't see any thyme in here which was too bad because it would be just the thing for this.

"Hey DAD do we have any thyme left?" I asked him a little louder than I had been talking before.

"Time for what?" he asked, finally breaking his attention from the flat screen, a severely confused and almost worrried look cemented on his brow. And then, as quick as a camera lens closing to capture a shot, he winked.

.

.

.

TL;DR I'm pretty sure you have enough thyme to read it.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/erydayimredditing
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
🚨︎ report
True sign of a dad joke: 20 years later you still can't forget it!

A friend was telling my dad about the new disaster movie Twister. >Friend: "The special effects are so amazing. They actually showed a cow flying across the screen."

>My Dad: "Oh, pasteurize (Past your eyes)?"

Long time ago, but hard to forget!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TravellingMatt
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2015
🚨︎ report
So my sister was on Instagram...

We had just dined with whole family when my sis took out her phone. Grandma peeked my sisters screen and said, "All of them have such washboard stomachs." We all were kinda feeling awkward. Until dad said: "Hmh, they are left behind their time. I've got a washing machine right here."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/punkkapoika
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2015
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.