What's round, long and jokes around all of the time?

A Sillynder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatsterRedditster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
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This year, my friend decided to play his string instrument with a neck and a deep round back enclosing a hollow cavity, with a sound hole in the body at the voting booths...

He was arrested for ear poll-lute-tion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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I called up Weight Watchers, told them there was an emergency and asked for them to send someone round!

Turns out they’ve got loads of them!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DantheMan350V2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A Vicious circle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Famousspy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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Had a painter and decorator round this week. He's a furloughed airline pilot...

He made a lovely job of the landing!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards.

I'm sure that must have been a record.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whlightning
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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What's white, round and giggles?

A tickled onion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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I called round at my neighbour's house early one morning and she opened the door in her nightie.

I thought, "That's a funny place for a door."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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My wife and I were stuck in traffic, and I said, β€œI’m turning round”.

She said, β€œStop eating so many burgers then”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
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What's black and white and goes round and round ?

A penguin in a revolving door

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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What if the earth was both round and flat?

Would it be called cylindearth?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnotherKakkar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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Making my morning rounds in hospital when I ask a patient how his breakfast was. "The eggs and sausage were fine, but the Kentucky Jelly was awful," he replied. "What 'Kentucky Jelly'?" I ask.

Then he shows me the empty packet of KY Jelly had smeared all over his morning toast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rocknocker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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Round and Round, Round and Round
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πŸ‘€︎ u/homodemen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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Just got back from the supermarket - there was a guy rushing round the shop who had brought 15kg of paella rice, 5 cases of tequila, 8 sombreros and 12 piΓ±atas.

I thought to myself, Hispanic buying.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heilhanson
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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A sheepdog tells the farmer he's going to round up the sheep and comes back with 50 sheep and the farmer says "We only have 48 sheep."

The dog replies "I said I was going to round them up,"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trtlman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
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If you are ever working on being more decisive and find yourself wanting to get a tuba, a trombone, and a round-bottomed dish - but you can only afford two of them and the dish will fit under your shirt - just remember:

Take the bowl, buy the horns .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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What is brown, and runs round the garden?

Fence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlaMenck
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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I walked in on a gathering of knights sitting at a round table and eating pie.

I found the Sir conference.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/desireewhitehall
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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My doctor told me I was out of shape. I looked at him defiantly and said "Round is a shape!"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johndeerdrew
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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The wheels on the bus went β€˜round and β€˜round for years...

... now they’re retired

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stgm_at
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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So I was in class and my teacher said money makes the world go round

I said no its gravity

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OverBakedSOUP
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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What's round and holds your pants up?

A wedding ring

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πŸ‘€︎ u/qqqqall
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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I just bought a round of shots for everybody, but they're being totally ungrateful and saying they don't even have tetanus.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Dang_It_Bobby_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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Winter is almost over and spring is just round the corner.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnyreeddit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2018
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A farmer came up to me and said, "I have 68 sheep, can you round them up for me?"

"sure" I said

"70"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mo_Stache_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2018
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If you spin an Oriental guy around and round...

Would he become disoriented?

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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Two wind turbines were standing in a field. One of them turns round and asks β€œWhat’s your favourite type of music?”. The other replies...

β€œWell I’m a big metal fan”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Overcooked-Cheese
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
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What US state is round at the ends and high in the middle?

Ohio

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πŸ‘€︎ u/danielnm1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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A man walked into the bar and ordered everyone a round thinking he owned the place.

He was just trying to call the shots.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/devnodegree
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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So my dog messed up and I told him to give himself a round of applause...

and then I thought, "well for you, it'd be a round of a-paws"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goddamit_adam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2016
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It was my father's funeral today and my brother has been going round all the guests trying to tell them about his new fish and herbs recipe...

I eventually pulled him over and said "c'mon dude, there's a thyme and a plaice" but this is not it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rossage99
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2017
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What's round on the end and hi in the middle?

Ohio

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jallfairs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2017
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My friend, his Father and I were about to sit down to eat some pasta when he asked "forks all round?"

To which I replied "No, they're the pointy ones."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weavin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2016
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What's round and bad tempered? unsungpun.com/a-vicious-c…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cctblues
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2014
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My buddy told me the cheese he brought round was philosophical and laid back...

The packet said 'deep & mellow'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/failure_fiasco
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2014
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Just had a painter and decorator round, hes a furloughed Virgin Atlantic pilot.

He made a lovely job of the landing....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Retrotone
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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My wife and I were stuck in traffic. I said, β€œI’m turning round.”

She said, β€œI know. Stop eating bacon.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What's round and mean?

A vicious circle

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
After being stuck in traffic for an hour, I turned to my wife and said, β€œThat’s it. I’m turning round.”

She said, β€œThen stop eating so many cheeseburgers.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were stuck in traffic for a long time. Frustrated, I looked at her and said, β€œI’m turning round.”

She said, β€œI know. Stop eating so much bacon.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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What's the only US State that's round on both sides, and high in the middle?

Ohio!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_perfect_sonnet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2015
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When my dad was quizing me on Geography: Which US state is round on the sides and high in the middle?

OHIO

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlayerJB
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2015
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