But it was in the title all along and I should have expected an appearance from Elvish Presley.
I'm trying to get my daughter into Lord of the Rings. I'm watching Return of the King. I thought she'd think the Eye of Sauron would be cool. We watch the scene where Aragorn cuts the head off of the Mouth of Sauron. Without missing a beat she turns to me and says:
"What's next? The nose of Sauron?
It's hobbit forming!
Over a decade since the Return of the King was released and dad is as topical as ever.
A few years ago, my dad and I were building an addition onto his house. He rented a tool from the hardware store and had to return it, so he asked me to come with him and we would get some breakfast. There was a Burger King nearby, so we decided to stop there to eat.
When we go to the drive-through, we realize the restaurant was closed down, so he drove around the building to get back on the highway. As we were passing the dumpsters, he stopped the car, backed it up, and pointed towards the ground near the dumpster. I looked for a few seconds, trying to see what he was pointing at.
Then... I saw it.
It was a giant, 12+ inch black dildo, standing upright next to the dumpster. It propped itself up on its fake dildo balls, gently swaying in the breeze.
I was astonished. I couldn't even imagine what events in the universe had to line-up so as to end up with that giant dildo meticulously placed next to the dumpster at a closed-down Burger King. I couldn't even begin to fathom why it was there.
My dad, with perfect timing, then shouted "GAY TIMES WILL BE HAD TONIGHT!" and sped out of the parking lot.
We ended up going to Denny's.
