Rain Name Puns

"Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

He said, "I'm watching the weather channel and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear"

1. If you're out in the desert on a horse with no name, you probably have the time to come up with a name for it.

2. Maybe it's the rider who has no name (and a poor sense of where to locate a subordinate clause): "I, with no name, have been through the desert on a horse."

3. Or maybe it was the desert that had no name?

4. What if "No-Name" was some friend who was riding with him?

5. It's also possible that what he means is that maybe the horse has a name (say, Charley the Horse) but that the horse isn't FAMOUS. He's just ol' Charley the horse, not Secretariat or Trigger or one of those A-list horses with a NAME. This possibility is the saddest, though. Imagine you're the horse, out there in the frickin' DESERT, and some schmoe is making you carry his ass around--and not even for any good reason, right, he's not actually going anywhere, he's totally just taking advantage of your good nature--and all he can do is go on and on about what a nobody of a horse you are.

6. Even if his name really was Charley, if that were to happen now, everyone on the Internet would start calling that poor horse "Horsey McHorseface."

Rudolph the red KNOWS rain, dear!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

"No, honey, that is snow."

"My sweet, that is a wonderful rain," he said.

"You are not smart. That is snow!" she exclaimed.

He replied, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

I wonder, can anyone name all six?

A Scot named Wayne MacTavish was a very frugal, thrifty painter. He often thinned the paint with turpentine to make it go a wee bit further.

He got away with this for some time - until the Baptist church decided to do a restorative painting on the outside of one of its biggest buildings. Wayne put in a bid, and because his was the lowest, he got the job.

He set about erecting the scaffolding with the planks, and then bought the paint. And, yes, I am sorry to say, he thinned the paint with turpentine.

Wayne was up on the scaffolding, painting away, with the job nearly completed. Suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder. The sky opened, and the rain poured down, washing all the thinned paint off the church. Wayne was knocked clear off the scaffolding and landed on the lawn among the gravestones. He was surrounded by little puddles of thinned and useless paint.

Wayne was no fool, He knew this was a judgement from the almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried,

"oh, God, forgive me! What should I do?"

And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke,

"Repaint! Replaint and thin no more!"

His best friend, Roy, was known around town for having an adventurous streak that a small town just couldn't satisfy. Roy yearned to travel the world, to rub shoulders with the well-to-do, and to squeeze every drop of excitement he could out of life. While most young folk in town, my grandpa included, were resigned to their lot, Roy was driven by his dream. He worked incredibly hard, taking every hired-hand and handy-man job he could find. He would walk five miles each way to clean a gutter if there was a nickel to be made. His hometown was always spotless, because Roy would pick up every glass bottle he saw to get the deposit back, and every can he found would get turned in for recycling.

The years stretched on. Grandpa settled down with his high school sweetheart in a one-room cottage and had my dad, and not much else. Roy kept hurrying from one job to the next, never spending a dime on a date. Everyone would just roll their eyes and quietly gossip about how poor Roy's obsession was robbing him of a real life.

One day, Roy showed up at Grandpa's house, all decked out in a brand new khaki safari kit, complete with helmet, binoculars, and elephant gun, and announced that he had finally saved up enough for passage to Africa to go big game hunting. He was especially proud of the fine leather boots he was sporting. "Indestructable" he called them, totally impenetrable to water, wind, and snow. No trench-foot for him while he tracked rhinos on the savannah!

Grandpa congratulated Roy on his achievement and wished him bon voyage. Over the next three months, the town felt Roy's absence. Litter lay where it fell, gutters overflowed in heavy rain, small-time farmers rose that bit earlier and bedded that bit later to cover the work Roy used to help with. Of course, the gossipers just turned their chat from how Roy needed a dose of reality to how thoughtless it was of him to just up and leave. Most folks were convinced Roy was gone for good. After all, how could he come back from such a high-falutin' adventure to his tiny, no-account hometown?

But return Roy did, and everyone crowded around at the bar to hear his account of his safari. To their surprise, Roy told them that, for all the time he had been away, he only bagged one trophy that was currently on a slow boat back. It turned out, once Roy got a close-up look at the elephants, rhinos, giraffes, gazelles, and all the fine animals of the African savannah, he lost all heart for hunting. He just couldn't imagi

An older American couple visits Russia for the first time. They are a little concerned about the language barrier as neither speak Russian. Luckily they find a very friendly cab driver named Rudolph at the airport who speaks fluent English. He gives them his mobile number and says he'll be happy to drive them anywhere they need to go during their stay.

The next morning the wife calls Rudolph and asks if he can take them around to several of the sites. He agrees and warns her to bring an umbrella as it's going to rain today.

She tells her husband who promptly looks out the window and sees clear blue skies. He says the cab driver is just pulling her leg and refuses to bring an umbrella.

The cab picks them up in front of the hotel and they have a very nice morning seeing the sites. Just after lunch the sky starts to fill with dark clouds. The cabbie reminds them to take there umbrellas at the next stop as rain storms in Russia can be severe.

The wife turns to her husband and says .....

See, I told you! Rudolph the red knows rain dear.

... I'll see myself out now ...

One night a viking named Rudolph The Red was looking out the window when he suddenly said "It's going to rain".

His wife was confused and asked him "How do you know?"

He looked at her and responded "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Edit: Oooh my first Silver, thank you very much whoever you are!

The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

1   - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2   - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3   - Half the people you know are below average.

4   - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6   - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7   - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8   - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.

9   - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

A ginger named Rudy was looking out the window, and then said to his wife, "Looks like rain!"
"How can you be so sure?" his wife replied.
His response, "Rudolph the red knows rain, dear"

The husband looks at the cloudy sky and says "It looks like rain" His wife says, "No, it's just cloudy." Their tour guide, a Communist officer named Rudolph, overhears them and says "It will definitely rain." Sure enough, a few minutes later, the heavens open and the tour group runs for cover from the downpour. The husband turns to his wife and says "See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

There once was a Viking by the name of Rudolph the Red. One day, whilst tending to his fields, Rudolph spotted rain clouds on the horizon. He immediately dropped what he was doing and ran inside his hut to tell his wife.

"Honey, there are dark clouds on the horizon. The rains' will be here any minute" he said. She scoffed at him, "Rudolph you old fool. How could you possibly know that?" Angered by this, Rudolph turned to her and said...

"Rudolph the Red knows rain dear!"

My grandparent grew up in the Soviet Union. One cloudy day, as they were walking down the street perception started falling.

My grandmother thought it was snow, while my grandfather thought it was rain.

Their passionate arguing was noticed by the local head of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union, a good friend named Rudolph.

After they told him of their dispute, Rudolph stated that it was in fact rain.

With a smile on his face my grandfather turned tp his wife, and said: "You see, Rudolph the Red knows rain dear"

Note: Quality Very Varying (I see what I did there) and sometimes subject to specialist knowledge. So I apologise in advance. Shame me with your better puns.

While I was languishing in the Language Centre, doing some semantics antics and considering how all the other linguistics students despised and derided me, I was accosted by a stout man with large glasses who made me a preposition. It was that I should collect terrible puns, to do with linguistics, in order to ingratiate myself yet further with the other linguistics students (including even the phonetics fanatics).

I'm struggling to think of a pun to do with grammaticality that both makes sense and "Is grandma tickly?" correct. I'm also stuck on 'morphologician'. (I'm not actually sure that's a particularly logical word for the subject, though I guess that's more for, er, more for a logician to worry about.)

The problem I have with writing about phonological variation is that one is constantly forced to choose between being fun or logical - very Asian!I always get in trouble with electricians, they think I'm calling them a 'dialectician' whereas in fact I'm just saying "Die, electrician."

I like pscycholinguistics – the only department of linguistics where it’s acceptable to wear a cycle helmet. My Australian accent is terrible but I like to think my Sath Efrican one is predicate. My favourite accent is Received Pronunciation, because it is the accent chiefly used by invisible Japanese people who are ordered online. When the first recipient of an invisible Japanese person got the parcel, they wrote a complaint saying "Received but can't see Asian" and the name stuck.

Why did the speakers whose native languages weren't English, but whose only shared language was English, but they weren't very good at it and kept on having to stop to think about it, stop talking to one another? They came to an agreement. (Get it? If not, write your answer on a pastecard and paste it to the below address.)

What did the 'a' say to the 'the'? "You definitely are ticklish, 'the'!"

Why was the small man eaten by the large bear, which was proportionately bigger than him? It had, er, relative claws.

I think the reason there are so many speakers of Russian is because they all partake in an activity called "copulae shun". (Ok, ok, I know, that was Pushkin it.)

I know a man called Hillary who can, might, should, did, must, shall and will ride an ox. We call him "Ox Hillary".

I always think the verb 'to be' in the senten

My Dad told this one a few months ago during a family dinner...

During the Cold War, an American ambassador and his wife were having dinner with a Russian ambassador and his wife. The meal was going well and everyone was having a good time until the American looked out the window and commented on the weather, "Looks like it is snowing outside." The Russian, named Rudolph, replied, "No, it's definitely raining." The debate went on for a few minutes and became quite heated until finally the American's wife spoke up and said, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

A man and his wife are sitting at the kitchen table, which is next to the window. The man's name is Rudolph, and since he is Russian, people call him "Rudolph the Red."

Rudolph looks out the window and says "Oh look honey, it's raining outside." She looks out as well and says, "No, I think that is snow." He looks at her and says,

"Rudolph the Red knows rain dear."

Some out of town relatives were in, so my family went to our grandparents house where they were staying. My parents were telling everyone about their Alaskan cruise they had just gotten back from:

Relative: How was the weather? It was freezing when I went.

Mother: It was actually quite nice. No rain at all. I remember when we were in Juneau I searched for the city on my weather app and got Juneau, Wisconsin and Juneau, Arkansas or something. I was like 'there's other cities named Juneau?' Isn't that weird?

Granddad: Oh yeah! Didn't Juneau?

[And no one heard but me]

One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said "It's going to rain."

His wife asked, "How do you know?"

"Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear

(Yes, I stole this from another sub:))

His wife asked, "How do you know?"

"Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

One night a viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, “It’s going to rain.” His wife asked, “How do you know?” He said, “Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

A woman walks into a bar and takes a seat. The bartender asks what she wants to drink and her name, "Falacy" she responds despondently.

"What's got you down, Falacy?" he asks.

"I had a terrible day, my dog threw up all over my shoes this morning, got fired from my job and my car broke down on the way home. To make matters worse as I trudged over to this bar it started pouring it down with rain."

The bartender looks her up and down pitifully.

"That's pathetic, Falacy"

One day a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said “it’s going to rain tonight”.

His wife asked, “how do you know?”

“Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear”

My dad was watching the weather channel in one room and my mom was in another one. The weatherman was a Russian names Rudolph. My dad yelled to my mom, "Hey honey, I think it's gonna rain tomorrow!" To which she replied "How do you know that?" He said, "I'm watching the weather channel and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear"