Q. What did the dad buffalo say to his son on the first day of school?

Bison

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πŸ‘€︎ u/9xbuddy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2018
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Science Puns

One of the funniest school puns; science puns

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.


The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.


If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.


A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, β€œNo, I’m traveling light.”


Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because you’re talking nonsense!


How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.


What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.


I wish I was adenine, then, I could get paired with U.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says β€œI think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says β€œI think I’ll have an H2O too” β€” and he died.


A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.


Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


What element is a girl’s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your β€œstyle.”


I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.


I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.


Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.


Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t.


Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.


What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!


A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies β€œFor you, no charge”.


Two atoms are walking along. One of them says: β€œOh, no, I think I lost an electron.” β€œAre you sure?”

β€œYe

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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Where do you learn how to make ice cream?

Sundae school.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hardcoredad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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I don't believe in hitting my children as punishment....

I just send them to school in Justin Bieber shirt and Crocs and let the other kids beat them instead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2021
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A Southern college guy goes to Florida for Spring Break

His objective is to hook up with fancy, Eastern girls. He sees a couple and walks up to them:

"Where do y'all girls go to school at?"

They say "Yale"

He says "WHERE DO Y'ALL GIRLS GO TO SCHOOL AT?!?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ztreHdrahciR
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2021
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Where do you learn how to make a banana split?

Sunday school

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Za_Warudo84
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2021
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I witnessed an interesting incident at the mall the other day

This guy walks out of a store screaming how they're cheats and frauds. He then proceeds to knock over a mannequin and a few other decorations.

He then buys a coffee, is a jerk to the cashier and then spills some on the floor. He walks away and snaps his fingers at the janitor to clean it up.

The last straw was when he walks up to a group of school kids and starts ranting about how they should drop out of school and rise up against the establishment.

Security finally escorted him out kicking and screaming. Finally things calmed down a bit.

All in all, it was just another dick in the mall.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralAxes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
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How do young bees get to school?

Why, the school buzz, of course!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
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Why are fish so smart?

They spend a lot of time in schools

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πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2021
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Not to brag, but yesterday I beat our local chess champion in less than 5 moves.

Finally my high school Karate lessons came to some use.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
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I apologise if this isn't allowed.

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoThruTrucks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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Puns for the name β€œLierin”? (Lee-air-in)

At my high school there’s a tradition for the seniors to get sweatshirts with punny names on the back. I’ve already thought of mine but my friend is at a loss. Her name is Lierin, accent on the second syllable, pronounced β€œLee-air-in”. any ideas?

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πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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I need to learn how to take care of my new tree

So I'm going to nursery school.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gideonindc
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
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My daughter claims her school is huanted and wanted to call the ghost busters.

I told her to call the cheerleading squad instead. Figured they might know the school spirit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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We had a bit of an awkward moment at home a while back...

My wife and I were doing a bit of roleplay in the bedroom. I had just handcuffed her to the bedhead when we heard one of the kids turning the door handle. I quickly threw the covers over the both of us and in walked my 7 year old son. He noticed the handcuffs, went really quiet and had this confused look on his face. After 15 seconds or so he asked my wife why she was handcuffed to the bed. She blushed and had to come up with a lie on the spot. She stammered out that daddy was just practicing with the handcuffs for his new job as a policeman and that my son should just go back into the lounge room and watch some TV.

A few weeks later I was asked to careers day at my son's school. My son stood up with me in front of the class and proudly announced his daddy was a policeman and that I lock up baddies. I didn't want to embarass him so I just played along. It turns out I was the one who was about to be embarassed. One of the kids asked if my son had ever seen me at work. My son said no but that he had seen me practicing using handcuffs on his mom. It went right over the kids heads but the teacher was very amused and couldn't stop giggling. I guess my wife and I would have been the hot topic in the staff room that day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
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Teachers take too long to grade assignments.

I don't get why teachers take a lot of time grading. Just go to an elementary school because they have a room of 30 second graders. They can literally get their grading done in under a minute!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/megazonex
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2021
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Dad - "Why were your late to school today?"

"Dad, there was a sign that said 'Slow Down, School Ahead'".

Dad - proudly cries

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rohit59370
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2021
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I was taught to never use the Oxford comma

by Mrs. Henderson, my high school English teacher and a first-rate whore.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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I was dismayed this afternoon when my wife told me my 6-year-old son wasn't actually mine.

She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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Which animals are the biggest nerds?

Fish, because they spend all their time in schools

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πŸ‘€︎ u/martianrome
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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What is keeping a bunch of fish in an aquarium called?

Home-schooling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nononsenseson
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
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Makeup day

I told my dad the school was having a makeup day to cover any missed work, and he, typical dad, goes β€œthey’re teaching you to put on makeup?” (I’m a straight male)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hiimafoot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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Menopause....

When a school of small fish stop suddenly.

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πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
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Who is in charge of the pencil box?

The ruler

Credit to my elementary school niece

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aikijo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
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Why did the skeleton run away from home?

Because he had no body!

Tomorrow is joke day at school for my kindergartner so I went to tell my daughter a joke to tell. Tells me she already had one and tells me this! Lol proud dad..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pabl0nG
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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Schools...

I don't know what they're teaching kids in schools these days. I asked my son what rhymed with orange, and he said nothing. Nothing? Those two words don't even sound alike!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaddyObanion
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
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Why is North Korea so evil?

Because they have no Seoul.

Edit: Thanks for the support and for my first award everyone! I can’t take credit for the joke itself as a friend who passed a number of years made it up in high school, but I’m sure he’d be ecstatic to see the number of updoots and laughter it’s brought.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fourchubio
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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Why can't most sharks and whales read?

They are not part of a school

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zetafunction64
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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The man stood up after a rousing speech, took a bow and marched out triumphantly.

He was protesting against violins in schools.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bttrflyr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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What is yellow and something you shouldn't drink?

A School bus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blaytboi0
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
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I hate it when I see an old person...

....and realise we went to school together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.

Me: β€œHow do you know it was going to school?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mlucasr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
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When I was a kid, my parents would always say, β€œExcuse my French” after a swear word...

I’ll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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Why are people that live on mountains smarter?

Because they have high-schools

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2021
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A great dad joke I just heard in an episode of The Sopranos

Tony Soprano: So your father tells me you’re taking up Astronomy in college.

Kevin Bonpensiero: No, business.

Tony Soprano: Well how come he keeps saying you’re taking up space in school?

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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Why are fish the most educated animal?

Thy spend their whole life in a school.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperGrandPatzer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
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Back to school in India

What did the Indian kid say to his mother when he left for school...?

Mumbai πŸ‘‹

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LostBoyNav
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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I need like 100 puns!

At my high school there's an annoying dude who hates puns so if you have any really bad ones I need you to comment...

I'm gonna send him to PUNintentiary!

I won't stop till he PUNches me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/South_Bathroom
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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Not to brag, but yesterday i beat the state chess champion in less than five moves.

Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poshnoshlosh
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine.

She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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Where do you learn to make ice cream?

In sundae school.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quantity_Weary
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
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My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.

Me: β€œHow do you know it was going to school?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Where would you learn to make banana split?

Sundae school

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πŸ‘€︎ u/milli_salami
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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