I don't want to step on anybody's toes here, but the amount of non-dad jokes here in this subreddit really annoys me. First of all, dad jokes CAN be NSFW, it clearly says so in the sub rules. Secondly, it doesn't automatically make it a dad joke if it's from a conversation between you and your child. Most importantly, the jokes that your CHILDREN tell YOU are not dad jokes. The point of a dad joke is that it's so cheesy only a dad who's trying to be funny would make such a joke. That's it. They are stupid plays on words, lame puns and so on. There has to be a clever pun or wordplay for it to be considered a dad joke.
Again, to all the fellow dads, I apologise if I'm sounding too harsh. But I just needed to get it off my chest.
Do your worst!
They were cooked in Greece.
I'm surprised it hasn't decade.
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
Because she wanted to see the task manager.
Heard they've been doing some shady business.
but then I remembered it was ground this morning.
Edit: Thank you guys for the awards, they're much nicer than the cardboard sleeve I've been using and reassures me that my jokes aren't stale
Edit 2: I have already been made aware that Men In Black 3 has told a version of this joke before. If the joke is not new to you, please enjoy any of the single origin puns in the comments
They’re on standbi
A play on words.
Pilot on me!!
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Or would that be too forward thinking?
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
When I got home, they were still there.
I won't be doing that today!
[Removed]
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
Where ever you left it 🤷♀️🤭
There hasn't been a post all year!
You take away their little brooms
It was about a weak back.
Winds whipped against Baraxhima’s leaves as he strode as fast as his roots could carry him.
“Faster! Come on faster! PLEASE!”
But it was no use. Every cell in his body screamed out for rest, shooting pain through every branching limb and tendril.
His pseudoheart beat harder as his eyes glanced at his pursuer.
It didn’t seem tired, or even concerned, as it approached. Its body was composed of a thin furred cuticle layered over knotted muscle. Wide shaped eyes that scoured the surrounding terrain for its horrendous food source. Every step that, that…animal made seemed so effortless to the creature.
Baraxhima commanded his roots to move. But they could not obey no longer. His eyes locked on to the quadruped as its maw filled with blunt crushing implements opened up and enveloped his form.
He could only watch and scream.
Then he felt his legs respond. He careened forward onto the cold metal floor of his bedroom as his roots pulled him away from the life eater. Bedding soil was thrown across the room in his scramble to get away from the phantom threat.
Twelve simple eyes focused on the safety of the room around him. The life eater wasn’t real. Another nightmare.
Baraxhima’s tendrils snaked out to grapple with the furniture around him and ponderously pull him back onto his roots. A quick glance at his chronometer told him it was still very early in the morning, how unfortunate. He didn’t try going to sleep again, not with his mind racing as fast as it was right now. He would rather not start first contact with a new species whilst sleep deprived, but he apparently had no say in the matter.
A melodic sigh escaped his vocal valves. Why did he have to ask Rol’hu about her homeworld?
Baraxhima was a Caruequ. Much like twelve of the nineteen federation members, his kind fed on light. Their worlds were peaceful monochrome gardens of life, and over billions of years they evolved sentience.
The other seven member species were only a little different. Three of them fed on the reactive chemicals in the atmosphere of their planets, while three others could somehow feed on rocks.
Rol’hu was something else. She was from species nineteen, the Oliarn. They were not plantoids, fungoids or lithoids. They were animals.
Their world was home to heterotrophs. Life eaters.
Thankfully, her kind diverged from their life eater ancestors by forming a symbiotic relationship with algae. The Oliarn were light feeders, autotrophs, like him. But the stories she to
... keep reading on reddit ➡My daughter, Chewbecca, not so much.
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
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Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
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French/Finnish art
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Country/Canadian rap
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Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
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Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
