Project Plan Puns

The domineering wife thought the house needed a cantilevered balcony while the husband thought that it would ruin the aesthetic of the design. She told him he was an idiot and to keep his mouth shut. His friends hated to see her treat him so badly.
They always said “Why cantilever?”

I live on a sail boat and started what I thought would be a small project. I wanted to ensure that my toilet plumbing was working correctly before having a guest over so I turned on my macerator and began pumping clear water through the system to clean the toilet and clear the system completely. For those that don’t know, a macerator is basically a garbage disposal like you would have in your kitchen sink buttttt for your poop. It cuts up your poop and toilet paper so that it can be discarded over board in smaller pieces. Of course the pump wasn’t working correctly so I detached some plumbing, looked into the macerator motor and got way more into it than I had planned for. My guest was on her way and I didn’t want to necessarily tell her what I was dealing with because I didn’t want to gross her out. When she showed up I was just putting stuff away and had finished the project. Of course she asked what I was working on, I proclaim “ oh I just needed to deal with some shit” and left it at that.

And he's not letting anyone go home at reasonable hours or take leave until the big project's . He's been working early mornings and late nights . It's been going on for weeks. they're all tired and homesick. I haven't had a meal with him at home all month which really sucks because he was a great laugh at dinner time. Even when I do see him he's too overworked to even think straight.

Anyway, yesterday Phil, one of his workmates had a brilliant plan.

He turned to my Dad and said to him; "I've had enough of this crap, I'm going home and calling in sick for the next couple of days!"

My dad is amazed. "Phil!" he says, "You can't do that - you'll get sacked!"

"Don't worry, mate," says Phil, "I've got it all worked out." tapping his nose. Out of the blue he reaches up and grabs the ceiling fan (It was off) and hangs upside down from it. My dad has no idea what's going on and tries to ask him, but Phil doesn't answer.

Eventually the boss walks in and asks "Phil - what the Hell are you doing?"

"I'm a lightbulb." replies Phil.

The boss is surprised and realises the guy needs to go home and sends him off for a couple of days. All of a sudden my Dad gets up too and walks away.

"What do you think you're doing?" says the boss.

"You don't expect me to work in the Dark do you?" replies my Dad.

My fiancée is building some custom frames for her capstone project. She's is going for a baroque theme and is planning on using them with some portrait shots she's taken over the past semester. They're primed white right now, but she's planning on painting them gold.

Me: "she's gonna paint them gold later."

Mom: "aww but I like the white!"

Me: "yeah but she's going for a baroque theme and that fits better I guess."

Dad: "well, if it ain't baroque don't fix it..."

So. Many. Groans.

Not sure if I can post this here, but I need taco puns.....

My son is doing a taco truck project for GATE in school. They are designing a taco truck and have to create a menu as well. So far he is planning to name his truck "Nacho Average Taco Truck" and he needs punny menu ideas.... Ready. Go!