MODS please remove this post if it doesn't belong on this sub
If you can't appreciate this, please furgive me
I need pun-related help, please
My girlfriend and I have a dog named Moose. My girlfriend’s father has been coming up with name-related puns recently and I’m being outdone. Reddit, please help. So far, he has come up with:
Moosical
Moosident
All I have:
Moosing persons
I must win this battle of puns.
Today’s meeting topic is(drumroll please) why are we sitting on blocks of meet
This man approached me in the park. "Would you please help? My caribou is stuck in a gigantic puddle."
"Reindeer?" I asked.
He said, "Yes. Hence the puddle."
A little boy ran up to me " please help, my Dad is in a fight " I followed and we came across two men fighting. I said, " Ok, which one is your Dad ? " ..
.. " I dunno, that's what they're fighting about "
Suggest me some unique name idea for Graphic Design company please!!!
I don't know why I get the feel like you guys can suggest something really good
A man rushed into a Doctor's surgery, shouting ' help me please, I'm shrinking ' The Doctor calmly said ' now settle down a bit '..
..' you'll just have to learn to be a little patient '
Please tell me the most obscure dad joke in your repertoire
please help with puns for a handyman
Trying to help my friend come up with a fun slogan for his new company, he's going to be doing home repairs
So far I have:
-Get a fix
-We know the drill
I feel like there's a whole family of awesomeness i'm just not hitting on. why am I so bad at this. help.
Could you put the oven on please?
Okay, but it might not suit me!
To please a woman you have to be like a saloon.
Liquor in the front, poker in the rear.
Please dont call us grammar nazis
We prefer the term "alt-write"
I know these puns and the sub they came from deserve to be huckleburied in an unmarked grave. But please grant me Clemensy.
My mom, ordering at a restaurant: I’ll have the chef’s salad, please.
Dad: Honey, that’s a little rude. Just have your own.
I admit it’s a repost, but this pun is just a sin... Please let me know if you get it!!!
Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....
First time posting here, please be lentil.
I’d like to stay for two Knights please.
I have a picture with me standing and solar panels in the background. Please suggest something punny.
Yall my friends hate puns and i wanna make fun of their nicknames please help
Their nicknames are: Brat, Soap and tali
A man took a bullet to the face in a shooting last week. If anyone has any information please call city police.
The only thing they have to go on is the mug shot.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, “A beer please, ..."
"... and one for the road."
A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '
Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.
Waiter, I'll have the omelette please.
My family didn't have the appetite for my dessert puns. Please to enjoy!
Did you hear about the red-headed cookie that broke it’s leg?
Gingersnap
Did you hear about the cookie that quietly laughs at other cookies’ drawings?
Snickerdoodle
Did you hear about the dessert that got cast in the bakery’s reboot of Indiana Jones: The Temple of Doom?
Shortbread
Did you hear about the friends the zombies are making in heaven?
Angel food
Did you hear about the Mushroom Kingdom princess that abdicated the throne to pursue the shoe repair trade?
Peach cobbler
Did you hear about the 49th state in the Union legalizing recreational marijuana?
Baked Alaska
Did you hear about the Bavarian teacher that filled up her blackboard every day?
German chocolate
Did you hear about the hip New York hotspots for citrus fruits?
Lemon bars
Did you hear about the mother's sister that really likes her nieces and nephews?
Fondant
Did you hear about people wagering money on a boxing match in the Arctic between a heavyweight champ and raspberries?
Sherbet
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
Please just take my money you deserve it
Blood and Organ related puns please
So a colleague is leaving my work (transfusion medicine lab) to work as an information manager for the organ transplant service. I make cards and I’m trying to think up something punny to write on/in his card and I’ll paint a picture on the front for context. I was thinking like “bloody good luck” or “sorry you’re transplanting”... but less shitty!
Thanks in advance :)
Barbie and Ken are continually arguing over who will empty the dishwasher. One day, Ken says "Barbie, I've unloaded the dishwasher every day this week.. can you PLEASE do it just this once?"
Please do not throw cigarette butts in the urinals
It makes them soggy and hard to light
My girlfriend wanted to know what I look like with my glasses on but i told her I’ve been trying to find them for three days, she said “please I need to see”
I said yeah me too that’s why I’m looking for my glasses
An ounce of quack please.
Called my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, could you please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?" She answered, "Yeah..."
"But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now!"
Please practise safe aural sex.
You don't want hearing aids.
Please destroy me for this monster ive created
Grizzly bear walks into a bar. Says to the bartender "i'll have a whiskey..................on the rocks, please" bartender asks "whats with the big pause?"
Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"
My 4 year old son has been learning spanish all year and he still can’t say the word please.
Which i think is poor for four
My four year old has been learning Spanish for a year, and he still can’t say ‘please’
I think that’s poor for four
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"
"Yeah…" she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"
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