why can’t you play games at the zoo?

because there are too many cheetahs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomastwatson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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I don't really understand the game of starting out calling plays for T-ball games then advancing to calling plays in the World Series...

The whole idea of Forge of Umpires confuses me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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What game do German kids play in the morning?

Guten tag

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KalegNar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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Invited my dad to play video games with me. He puts the controller up to the side of his head.

"What are you doing, dad?"

"I'm playing it by ear"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarheel6793
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2019
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The kids want to play Operation but I can't bring myself to tell them that the game is missing a piece

I just don't have the heart

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wawoodworth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
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What's an anti-vaxxer's favorite game to play at the pool with their kids?

Marco Polio.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elsalse
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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Why’s it so hard to play card games in the jungle?

Because there’s too many cheetahs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ksloop
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
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The Pun Game. Come And Play It.

Make an entire comment chain of puns somehow relating to what's on your right. The person who replies automatically joins your game. They must reply with a pun that is related to the same thing. Whoever makes the most puns is the winner. They must be real puns, not just sentences that you say are puns. C'mon, reddit. You can do this. You're like, the website for puns. If I get enough puns, I will draw the pun of the first person to post a pun here (ex. if the first person says, "Well now I'm drawing a blanket," I would draw someone drawing a blanket.) Have fun brahs!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/superfuzzer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2014
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What game do accountants play on the playground when they were kids?

Deduct, deduct, degooset.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zermie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2017
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My 7yo son was watching me play Overwatch the other day. My team lost so the game said "Defeat". I said "why would they say that, everyone in the game has two feet."

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

My son speaks french.

"Defeat" sounds almost exactly like "Deux feet".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NerdMachine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2016
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I learned today that Tom Brady first got to play in an NFL game because the previous quarterback suffered an injury causing internal bleeding

I suppose you could say he got to play because Drew bled so.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2017
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My Dad came home from shopping and said he had bought a new exciting board game for the family to play at Christmas!

http://imgur.com/a/GPyVq

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomStud3nt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2013
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A man from Prague and his friend were playing chess at a restaurant when an Australian waiter interrupts their game. The waiter says, "have a check, mate. Your Czech mate is about to be in checkmate... oh, and here's the cheque, mate."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Repluse
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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Asked my son if he and his friends, were playing the latest Virtual Reality game.

Son: VR

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mdchris19
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
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The creator of Paper Mario was recently playing a game of poker.

He didn’t have enough to wager, so he was forced to fold.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperSonicForce
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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Did you hear the news story about the man that was playing video games for 2 weeks straight?

He was playing fortnite

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RebornIlluminati
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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To keep the virus away, I'm taking forever to open the door, refusing to change the temperature and only playing games in single player mode.

In other words, I'm doing everything I can to be a bad host.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karmaniak
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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I'm on the couch playing video games when my dad walks in with a tape measure

About five feet away from me he stops and starts pushing the tape out to me. It gets closer and closer until it eventually smushes against my cheek.

I ask him "What are you doing?"

"I'm measuring your patience."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/caruano95
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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The NBA played it's first game in France yesterday. I decided to use that opportunity to make a ton of French puns. roto.life/nba-paris-game-…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bathrobeDFS
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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Do you know the keyboard shortcut to help you not have to go the bathroom when you’re working or playing PC games?

Ctrl P

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
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So all of the deserts were playing a game were they tried to steal each other, the cookies were stealing the scones and the danishes were stealing the ice cream and they were all doing it pretty badly but the pie

the pie takes the cake

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pokefire44
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2019
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A boy was sitting at home playing video games when suddenly his dad bursts in through the front door and says, β€œSon, look, check out my new AirPods!”

The boy looks at his father’s ears but sees nothing. β€œDad, there’s nothing there.”

β€œYeah I know, they’re literal!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majikin__
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
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Proud dad moment

Today I held up three colored balls in my hand. One red, one green, and one blue. My 1yr old son (after much debate) chose the red one. I’ve never been so proud. He has earned the right to play with my old game boy now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Engineer_7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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A wife came home and finds her husband sitting in front of a game of chess....

...with a raw egg propped up on the other side.

She asks: "What are you doing?"

He responds: "Well this pancake recipe says I need one beaten egg..."

"So... you decided to play it in a chess game?"

"Well yeah, but the darn egg keeps winning!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abucket87
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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I love playing PS4 and PC games, but now i find myself enjoying the new Nintendo games.

I guess I'm switching it up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phyx8
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2019
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What did the Christian Dad say to his kid staying up playing video games

It's pastor bed time

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cubety
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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My daughter said her brother was disqualified from the game they were playing. I told him to just say, "I'm a koala!"

Because then he'd be re-koala-fied

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wizard7926
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I really don’t know if I like the board game battleship. Sometimes I love playing it, other times I loathe it.

Honestly it’s hit or miss.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NC0828
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
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Your mom and I enjoy spending time together playing the simplest, most pointless video games.

From the start, we just clicked.

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
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I just saw a famous French footballer in the game shop playing Mario Kart

I think it was Thierry on Wii

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πŸ‘€︎ u/geomads
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2018
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I asked my dad if he had ever played the game Amnesia.

He said "I can't remember".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sunfistkid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2015
🚨︎ report
5 Cringey Puns

(Sorry For Not Posting, I Was Busy)

  1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

  2. I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

  3. Why don't some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

  4. I didn't use to care much for most puns but over time some of them have groan on me.

  5. A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

(Source For All Puns: https://www.punoftheday.com/cgi-bin/disppuns.pl?ord=F&cat=0&sub=0&page=1)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/punsdaily
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2020
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I opened up an exotic bird store next to my rival.

Cause toucan play that game.... I’ll show myself to the door πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
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Pun Request!!!

Hey all! I'm writing a play for my third grade class all about healthy habits and it's full of TV parodies. One show is Game of Thrones. For example, one character is Jon Snowpea. Can you guys help me come up with some food or exercise puns for the full title of Danaerys: Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name,Β The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regent of the Seven Kingdoms,Β Breaker of ChainsΒ andΒ Mother of Dragons”. Thanks!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllieBallie22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
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Channel Shark News

I wrote a little skit for my grandkids let's see how much I remember. CHUM 8 news Ted Hammerhead reporting with sky Chompter traffic report. Top story, a lone shark, who is a loan shark is alone in the dark making loans to sharks! There is a new place to gamble, the place is full of sharks who turn out to be card sharks playing card games with sharks on the cards. Imagune the dogs playing poker for this story, but it's sharks. The other reporter asks Ted Hammerhead how he did on his recent drivers test, Ted responds "nailed it". Crime scene where a clown has been killed and the Detective states, " No way a shark did this as they taste funny". On a comment about the victim. I never did the weather or figured out names for the other reporters we used to laugh and laugh at my stupid puns.

Edit: I can't spell fixed typos

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phroedrick
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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Some people think the Pittsburgh Steelers have a good starting QB in "Duck" Hodges

But the truth is, he puts the Steelers at risk of getting penalties all game long...

...Because on every play...

There's fowl on the field.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dave89701
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend got REALLY mad at me for punning, advice needed!

My best friend lives on the East Coast. I’m on the West. He often streams his games over Skype so I can hang out and watch. He was playing the Witcher 3, and fighting the water monster men. I said β€œThey just want to know the shape of you,” and he coincidentally died at that moment.

He got really, really mad. I always knew my puns annoyed him a little, but when I was sad, he’d tell dumb puns he’d google to cheer me up. But he just went into a tangent on how much puns annoy him and how he doesn’t get that I keep doing them over and over again every day whenever I talk with him. Trying to stop or cut back on puns would be pretty difficult and make me sad; I love witty wordplay and commentary, and bottling it up feels awful. But apparently it really, really annoys him.

What should I do?

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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A Catholic High School had a legendary American football program

Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily. Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaintMeerkat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Haggling over a pricing structure with Dwayne Johnson

Dwayne Johnson recently came to the arts and crafts store I own looking to buy equipment for the wardrobe department for his latest movie. He asked if we could quickly fill a large order of cloth-cutting shears. I told him yes, but given the rush, we couldn't offer a bulk discount. For the next hour, Mr. Johnson haggled with me, insisting on paying a single, reduced price for the order of shears rather than the standard per-item price.

With my frustration growing, Mr. Johnson wouldn't back down. Finally, he made a desperate attempt to get the deal he wanted: he suggested we play any simple game of my choice; winner sets the price structure for the shears. He then asked me what I wanted to play.

Fed up, I shouted: Rock! Pay per scissors!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rburke319
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a whole book of 365 jokes, one for each day of the year. Here are some of the ones I dont cringe at:
  1.    Why do prisoners hate computers?
    

The escape key never works.

  1.   How do trees get on the internet? 
    

They log in.

  1.  Knock knock.
    

Who's there? Toucan. Toucan who? Toucan play at that game

  1. How do bees brush their hair? With honeycombs.

  2. Why was the empty Olympic stadium so hot? All the fans had left.

  3. Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side.

  4. Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.

  5. Can February March? No but April may.

  6. Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.

10.why are recycling bins so optimistic? Cuz they're full of cans.

[Insert minion meme]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/YepBackAtIt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Genies work differently than you think they do (long joke)

A man walks into a peculiar bar. There’s a small man no more than a foot tall playing the piano in the corner, men with horns and many other odd things. He noticed people huddled around a table. He walks up to the bartender and asks β€œwhat’s going on over there?” The bartender replies,” oh it’s a game, if you win a genie will grant you one wish”. β€œReally! Can I wish for anything!?” The Bartender says β€œyup just be specific and enunciate. Trust me” β€œHow do you play!?” The man asks excitedly β€œIt’s simple if you roll snake eyes you win. Everyone gets one chance and no more” The man runs over the the table and waits his turn. Once he gets up to the table he rolls snake eyes, he’s ecstatic. A genie appears over the table and says”you get one wish” The man is jumping up and down in excitement. He can hear the bartender saying something but ignores him and says”I want a million bucks!” The genie says”done” snaps his fingers and disappears. In that moment one million male deer, elk, antelope and other animals fill the bar spilling out into the street. After several minutes the stampede leaves the bar and the man says” what was that that wasn’t what I wanted!?” The bartender says β€œwhat did I say!? I told you to be specific and enunciate!” β€œOooh I see But how did you know that would happen” the man says β€œDo you really think I wished for a twelve inch pianist?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirOrville
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
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/r/baseball did not appreciate my post - I think it’s better suited here anyway

I have a bunch of stupid baseball questions. I know most of the rules, I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.

  • Imagine there’s a fan of the team that is currently fielding in the stands, and that said fan has a prosthetic arm. The batter hits a pitch and sends it on a home-run trajectory into the stands. If the fan in the stands throws his arm at the ball and diverts it back in the field of play, can they rightfully say that they were just β€œlending the team a hand” by stopping the home run?

  • Consider the exact opposite situation - the fan’s team is at bat and the batter hits a fly ball to the outfield. If Elastagirl from the Incredibles just happened to be the fan in question, can she spring into action and catch the ball before the outfielder has the chance to?

  • Now, imagine I smuggled a water gun into the stadium on a particularly hot day, and I managed to squirt sticky black liquid onto the batter. Does that mean he can take a walk since he was β€œhit by pitch”?

  • Consider the freak circumstance where a ball in motion collides with a bird, causing it to spiral in its descent and eventually collide in turn with an umpire. Can the player responsible for the ball’s motion be ejected from the game due to repeatedly flipping the bird at an umpire?

  • Can a losing team sub out their man on the mound with a large quantity of beer to prolong the game? There’d still be a pitcher on the mound!

  • If a pitcher throws a slider into the strike zone and the batter doesn’t swing, should the umpire consider it a strike, a ball, or the catcher’s dinner?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/grumpy_princess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
🚨︎ report
(Long one) a kid was told to learn the first four letters of the aphabet

He wemt to his mum, who was doing work, and asked, "mum, whats the first letter of the alphabet?"

Mum: Shut up and go away!

Kid goes to his dad, who just got a perfect score in darts, and says: Dad, whats the second letter of the alphabet?

Dad: 180!!

Walks to older brother who was playing batman video games: whats the third letter of the alphabet?

Brother: na na na na na na na na BATMAN!

Walks up to younger brother playing with toys: whats the 4th letter of the alphabet?

Brother: driving my little red car.

Kid rolls up to school, ready to recite the first 4 letters of the alphabet.

Teacher: whats the first letter?

Kid: Shut up and go away!!

Teacher: HOW MANY HOURS OF DETENTION DO YOU WANT

Kid: 180!!

Teacher: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

Kid: na na na na na na na na BATMAN

Teacher: HOW DO YKU THINK YOULL GET AWAY WITH THIS?!?

Kid: Driving my little red car

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CubingWithAlex
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
This is a joke from my dad today...

So we were at my football game discussing what positions everyone was playing. This is how the conversation went.

Dad: okay so who's playing in de gate?

The team: confused what do you mean, where is de gate?

Dad: oh, its next to defence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baino39
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Things that will kill you...

On a road trip, so we are playing "the alphabet game." We pick a topic, then take turns going up the alphabet until someone gets stuck.

Topic is "things that will kill you."

M.... "megalodon" says the average 10yo boy

N.... "not buckling up" says the cautious 14 yo daughter

O.... "ONOMATOPOEIA!" Shouts the unconventional 12yo girl. "Bam! Pow! Boom!"

We have a winner!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunstoned1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My 5-year-old niece is a little shit.

We were celebrating my other niece's 2nd birthday, when my 5-year-old niece comes up to me and says, "Hey Uncle, wanna play a game?"

"Sure. What game?"

"You pick a letter and I say three words that start with that letter."

Since it was her sister's birthday, I picked "B", assuming that she’ll probably say "Birthday".

She was like, "Okay… B... B... BB..."

I sat there for a second in a moment of defeat...

"Yes. Those are all words."

You little shit.


Edit for the Dad-impaired: "Be... Bee... BB..."

2nd Edit: Awesome! Each of my nieces got me to the top of this sub! Here's the one about the 2-year-old.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ted_E_Bear
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2016
🚨︎ report
So two Justins walk into a news studio.

They decide to play a game with the anchor while he’s on air. During the newscast they walk up to the anchor and ask β€œ which of us two is the most made for TV?”

The anchor turned to the camera and said β€œThis Justin”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwdodson
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My Dad's Favorite Joke

Okay so the animals have been on the ark for thirty days and thirty nights and frankly they are getting bored. So to provide entertainment B-Deck challenges C-Deck to a game of football. They get it all set up and begin play. B-Deck makes some early gains but C-Deck is unstoppable. They have Rhinoceros and once he gets going you cant stop him. Soon the first half is over and the score is 24-7. The second half begins and while in the huddle Rhinoceros looks over at B-Decks defensive line and sees Centipede on their defensive line. "Give me the ball," he says, "There aren't going to be any centipedes in the new world because I'm crushing this one right here and right now" The Center snaps the ball and the quarterback hands it off to Rhinoceros who begins charging down Centipede. Centipede rears up grabs Rhinoceros by the legs and SLAMS him to the deck. Ball pops loose, centipede grabs the ball. He's rushing down the field weaving in and out and TOUCHDOWN!!! The crowd goes wild! C-Deck's captain, Lion rushes over and says, "Centipede that was amazing! Where were you in the first half?" "Well I was lacing my shoes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobby_849
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
🚨︎ report
A hornbill in a rainforest...

A hornbill in a rainforest screeched triumphantly! β€œHahaha I am the king of the birds for I have the biggest beak.” He sat on his branch smugly, smiling to himself when another bird with an extraordinary beak landed beside him and scoffed,β€œToucan play at that game.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ASquishyWorm
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
The local basketball gymnasium flooded months ago, but our town did nothing about it.

All the kids are trying to play tournament games anyway... it's Marsh Madness!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I tormented my child with something that is barely even a pun.

(Background: β€œSans” is the name of a character in a video game.)

me: If Sans were playing D’n’D and rolled a critical hit, would that be a β€œsans-crit”?

child: Please don’t talk to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacknutting
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
🚨︎ report
The award for the best dadjokes 2018 goes to...

… u/ebkbk for this post: Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian. made on 24.11. with 38.9k upvotes

[also already made by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes]

Let's move on to the top 3 of each month:

January:

  1. Is this sub still active? by u/I_Fart_Liquids on 01.01. with 36.4k upvotes

  2. Gonorrhea would have been a great name for diarrhea medicine by u/daugarten on 20.01. with 30.8k upvotes

  3. An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes: by u/Alfie_13 on 27.01. with 18.9k upvotes

February:

  1. Was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm. by u/jakeisbill on 05.02. for 20.3k upvotes

  2. My daughter asked me what I'm posting on Reddit... by u/madazzahatter on 25.02. for 18.3k upvotes

  3. When a woman is giving birth, she is literally kidding. by u/ownworldman on 23.02. for 17.7k upvotes

March:

  1. I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought... by u/madazzahatter on 21.03. for 22.2k upvotes

  2. Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. by u/Tface on 25.03. for 16.9k upvotes.

  3. [When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.](https://www.reddit.com/r/da

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skormes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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Are you a cheese grater?

Cause you're shredding me!

(Context: I came up with this while I was playing a video game and my team was getting its ass kicked, so this would really be the only kind of scenario one could use this pun in)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nicktator3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
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A question about hockey jerseys

Does the NHL team Devils always play their home games in new jerseys?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunviking
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2018
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Dadjoked my son's friends in an online game. Nobody laughed.

Last night I was playing an online game with some of my son's friends, and one randomly texted on the in-game chat: "I just ate an apple. RAW!"

I wrote back, "That's hard core!"

Nobody laughed. At least, that I saw. :(

Edit: Holy moly, it gets mediocre response two days ago when it's posted, then it blows up over the weekend. Thanks for all the upvotes, folks! Love all the other terrible jokes & puns on here!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/akambe
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2014
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New game Idea!

I believe I've come up with what could be a very popular new game. Take play-dough and put a little piece of it somewhere on one of the walls of your office or home. It's everyone's job to look around and find where the dough is.

I'd call the game "Where's wall dough?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/armyjackson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
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Camping?

Alright, I am the manager at a new vr place in our mall- and we have a wonderful foosball table that people can come in and play free. Three teenage boys come in and challenge me to a game of 2 vs. 2. As I am destroying them, with the boy next to me mostly texting, one stops and looks at me after getting his first point on our team and says "This is getting intense." I nod and look around confused, then say "Uh.. I think you are confused, we are indoors-- not in-tents."

Lets just say i was pretty proud of myself today.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ParadoxicalCliche
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2018
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Prison Mike in the making

So my 5 year old son always asks what I’m watching or playing (video games) and most of the time sits and watches for a while.

I had been binge watching The Office, so of course he would overhear most of the jokes. One day we were over our friends house who has a daughter my sons age. We sit down to eat some burgers and hot dogs, and out of nowhere my son belts out β€œDON’T DROP THE SOAP!”.

We all died laughing.

He shall be a good dad someday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smorts56
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
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I took my son to sign up for tee ball

And he joined the kids playing a pick up game while I talked to the coaches.

The coach said, "He's pretty good, what is he, four?"

I said, "I have no idea what he's for. "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AManWithOneHand
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2018
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Old one from dad

So I used to play a lot of video games with my Dad (goldeneye mostly) and if he would ever have to step away it'd usually go like this:

Dad: Put the game on dog's feet.

Me: look of confusion

Dad: Paws (Pause)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Celtic209
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2015
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My Dad *finally* Dad Joked me! I'm so happy.

My Dad has always been a bit cool (plays in bands, hangs around with much younger guys etc) but at the weekend, on his 67th birthday, he FINALLY Dad joked me.

We were talking about the local rugby team and I said "They're playing a French team. I think it's Toulouse?"

He said "That's not very positive is it? Playing to lose."

"No wait," I said, checking the website, "They're playing Toulon!"

"Ohh, well in that case, it won't be a short game...."

I finally feel like a proper daughter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poodleflange
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2016
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[REQUEST] Username Pun

Hi guys, I need to change my username online (mostly used in games) as it's not really something unique ( came from a book I read when I was younger ).

I'm trying to find something quite funny, with plays on words for example. But english isn't my native language and I find it quite hard ! So I'm asking you guys to help me :) You're the best for that imho !

If you could help me find something mixing music (percussions/drums), sciences (my field of study, physics to be more precise), beer and animals maybe (?) (because I like that !)

I think this is possible to find something using some science-specific noun and something else. But I can't seem to find one that suits me :(

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PRD-dat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2016
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My dad favorite baseball joke

I was emailing him about recent baseball events and got a bit nostalgic about going to games with him. I'd get so embarrassed every single time they would play the trumpets over the loudspeaker. Everybody else screamed "CHARGE!!!" my dad yelled "PAY CASH!!!!!"

edit: missed word

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaltimoreBirdGuy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2014
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The Hard Sell

My friend invited me over to play the new Zelda, instead we played a fishing game. I feel like I got the bait and Switch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cthrax
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2017
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Any tips for playing pool?

Last night I was being demolished by a friend while playing. In the middle of the game, my dad (who’s an excellent pool player) calls me. I pick up and tell him I’m losing at pool and need a pro tip from him. He tells me:

Don’t get wet...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CricketPancakeMix
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
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I'm taking an improv class [shaggy dog]

and today, we were playing a game of "Yes, Let's!" If you're unfamiliar, that's a group improv exercise where one person says "Let's do a thing!" and everybody else replies "Yes, let's!" and then proceeds to act out the scene. After acting out said scene, somebody freezes, then everybody freezes, and then someone else starts one.

In this case, it was "Let's go to a Michael Jackson tribute concert!" Now, we'd just been coached to assume distinct roles in an attempt to construct a coherent narrative, and so I, as an awkward, scrawny, blond white man, slipped effortlessly into the role of a shitty Michael Jackson impersonator. And I must have been doing something right, because the rest of the group quickly formed a scene as the audience, security, and crew, and stupidity ensued as I sucked at being Michael Jackson for all I was worth.

A few people started heckling, and then one of the audience members barged past security and mimed punching me in the head, whereupon I dramatically spun and dropped to the floor with a resounding THUD (knowing how to fall is a useful skill). The reaction was about a third laughs, a third stage-gasps, and a third just confusion. But I did get a few compliments after the exercise on my impression and my theatrics.

So I'd say that was a pretty big hit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teuast
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2017
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[Request] Need puntastic suggestions related to flail!

Hi punterific people!

I'm a YouTuber that loves puns and use puns regularly in my videos when I play games. I'm having some new graphics donr for my channel and I want to change my 'saying' to reflect the punny part of... Well.. Me :)

The new art depicts my avatar (Game kNight) weilding a shield and a flail - and I want the saying to reflect something in that regard. I persistently play games to win (as if anyone did otherwise) and don't like failing (like most other gamers?);

Thoughts up until now: Flailure is not an option - for me! (but for the enemies I face is implied) Flailing is an option (because facing me will get you flailed) I will not flail you!

Hope you can help me out!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shadewarp
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2017
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"No, that's..."

My dad used to play a game with me and my brother that was, in effect, an extended dad joke.

The "beginner" version, when I was younger, was when I would be talking about something, my dad would intentionally misinterpret it so that we could correct him. The objective being to keep up the misinterpretation in as long of a chain as possible.

Me: "Dad! Top Gun is on TV!"

Dad: "Doesn't that movie have that whiny folk singer on the radio in it?"

Me: "...No, dad, that's Tom Petty, not Tom Cruise."

Dad: "Oh, I thought he was Rosanne Barr's husband?"

Me: "No, dad, that's Tom Arnold, not Tom Petty."

Dad: "Oh. I thought he was that golfer..."

Later, once I figured it out, we moved to "advanced mode", where we skip the "correction" and just prove that you catch the reference by making another error in response.

Dad: "Oh. I thought he was that golfer..." (Arnold Palmer)

Me: "...wait, I thought that was the victim in Twin Peaks?" (Laura Palmer)

Dad: "...no, you're thinking of the lady who was the actress in Jurassic Park." (Laura Dern)

And so on. Did anyone else's dad's do something like this? Or any current dads? I currently play a version of this with my wife where she'll put on the radio and I'll intentionally misinterpret the artist. (Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody is playing, I comment to the effect of "God, I love Styx. Such a great song.")

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2015
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Two astronauts stray too close to a black hole

Two astronauts stray too close to a black hole and start getting sucked in. The first one jumps to the controls and tries to save them. The other one gets his phone out and starts playing a game.

The first one looks over and is infuriated that he might die cos his colleague isn't helping so shouts

"Come and help, don't you understand the gravity of the situation?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/subpar_man
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
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Star Wars Puns

From movie puns we provide you the funniest collection of Star Wars puns

What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber? A Sith-Kabob!


Why does Princess Leia keep her hair tied up in buns? So it doesn’t Hang Solow!


Why shouldn’t you ask Yoda for money? Because he’s always a little short


What program do Jedi use to view PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi


What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi


What do you call the website Chewbacca started that gives out Empire secrets? Wookieeleaks


What do you call a Jedi in denial? Obi-Wan Cannot Be


Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing? At the Darth Maul


Greg: Which Star Wars character travels around the world? Craig: Who? Greg: Globi-wan Kenobi!


Matthew: What does a Star Destroyer wear to a wedding? Daniel: What? Matthew: Bow ties, of course!


Deen Why was the droid angry? Mark: Why? Deen People kept pushing its buttons.


Luke: Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? Lei Not sure. Luke: To get to the Dark Side.


Darth Vader: I know what you’re getting for Christmas. Luke: How do you know? Darth Vader: I can feel your presents.


What do Whipids say when they kiss? Ouch.


What is a jedi’s favorite toy? A yo-yoda


What do you call a pirate droid? Argh2-D2


Where does Jabba the Hutt eat? Pizza Hutt


What is Jabba the Hutt’s middle name? β€œThe” Why is Han Solo a loner? Because he’s solo.


What do you call a Mexican jedi? Obi-Juan Kenobi What do you call a Sith who won’t fight? A Sithy.


What time is it when Darth Vader steps on your chronometer? Time to get a new chronometer.


What do you call a pirate droid? Arrrrgh-2-D2


Which side of a wookie has the most hair? The outside.


Where does Jabba eat dinner? Pizza Hutt


Who do Jedi call to help open PDF files? Adobe Wan Kenobi


What do you call someone that tries to be a Jedi? Obi-Wannabe


What do you call a bounty hunter from Alabama? Bubba Fett


What time is it when Jabba the Hutt sits on your blaster? Time to get a new blaster! Why is Luke


Skywalker always invited on picnics? He always has the forks with him.


Which imperial officer hated Thanksgiving? Grand Moff Turkeyn


What do you call stormtroopers playing Monopoly? Game of Clones


Why did

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2017
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My dad is a dad even in his sleep.

This evening I was sitting on the couch with my sister doing some paperwork and my dad sleeping next to me. I started playing a game on my phone which was making the movie hard to hear so my sister said "can you not?" And my dad replied from his slumber "no but I can tie" and returned to sleeping. I started laughing hysterically but my sister didn't get it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/0510521
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2013
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My sister has become king of the dad jokes

So we're in the car driving to the airport and my dad's talking about his buddy Terry. Terry was in some small movie and my dad was commenting that he played both the referee in a footy game, and then it cut to a shot of the crowd and THERE WAS TERRY. My dad goes "I mean, he could have at least put a different shirt on to create the illusion he was someone else. How silly of him!"

My sister says "You should be real careful dad, you shouldn't make fun of him. You can die from dissin' Terry"

Cue groans and laughter, and my dad conceding the apprentice has surpassed the master.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pocketnotebook
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2015
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My niece surprised me last night

My niece is 10 and she likes to watch me play video games. I usually get her with the dad jokes but last night while I was running from the cops in GTA she said "Why don't you just give yourself up?" so I decided to be cheesy and I told her "Because I'm above the law" and she looks at me with a puzzled look and said "You may be tall, but you're not THAT tall".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zabzacon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2014
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Hawaii Puns

Hello punsters!

My fiancee and I are having a combined bachelor and bachelorette party that will be Hawaii themed and sadly I got stuck coming up with the invite.

I know reddit is full of quips and puns so any help would be greatly appreciated. The gist of the party will be bring a dish to pass around, wear Hawaii themed clothes, and after we will be playing board/trivia games.

I already have something along the lines of dress in your hawaiian clothes to ensure you'll get leigh'd, but any help you wordsmiths can offer would be great!

Thanks reddit!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippinphil
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2012
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A Dungeons and Dragons Dad Joke

Once I talked my dad into playing Dungeons and Dragons with me and my friends. We were looking over his character sheet before the game when he noticed "Darkvision 60 ft." He asked me what that meant.

I said, "It means you can see 60 feet in the dark."

"But only if there are 30 people."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Traikan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2013
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Why you don't try to explain video games to fathers.

So I was having dinner with my father attempting to describe to him a bad experience I had while playing a game of League of Legends with my boyfriend. The conversation went as follows. " SO yeah, I was Evelynn a champion who can go invisible and my boyfriend told me to go back door their nexus, which is to go attack it when the team isn't there to defend it's kinda a cheep tactic, but ended up not working. Sigh" I look up at him and he replied completely straight-faced "At least you can't get pregnant that way" Needless to say I blushed profusely.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Waitingtillmarch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2013
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My dad at basketball games

We were at a basketball game where our team was taking on the University of Niagara. Our team was dominating and my dad leans over and goes.

"I wonder if we would have played Viagra instead of Niagara the competition would have been a little stiffer."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kweb1023
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2013
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Playing Star Wars: Battlefront with a buddy...

Me: "Hey, you know the engine that this game runs on right?"

Him: "Yeah Frostbite. Why?"

Me: "Then should we play on Hoth to really showcase the engine?"

He proceeded to set the controller down and walked out of the room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/edwards6745
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2015
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My kids and I have been playing the game Battleship. Sometimes it seems like they love it. Other times I think they hate it

It has really been hit or miss

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandoRobot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
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Never Try to Annoy someone with bird puns.

Because Toucan play the game

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mumbo_Wumbo_
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2019
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A Catholic High School had a legendary American football team. Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily…

Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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