I just have to work out a few Kinks.
They’re projecting a large increase in e-fish-in-sea.
Because he was known for his snap judgments
“You will have your cake and eat it too.”
PS: this is the best gift I can get today.
Mount Rushmore
But I just can’t seem to find the thyme!
He just wants to make America grate again.
I'm planning to self isolate....for a month of sundaes. .
I told him I was planning on keeping it
Super hot. We made plans to lift at the gym. She didn't show. That's when I knew we wouldn't work out.
I'm planning to give it a shot, though.
1st blonde: "I'm going to be the first woman to land on the Sun."
2nd blonde: "Don't be stupid, you'll burn."
1st blonde: "Nah!! I've got a plan. I'm going at night."
But I don't have health insurance or a retirement plan so I told her I couldn't.
However his plans were nothing more than a pipe dream.
When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.
When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.
When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.
When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?
When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.
When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?
When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?
When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!
In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.
Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.
A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.
When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.
When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?
Myself and a friend are making a mini action film on GTA V. When I edit it, I’m planning on involving some voiceover but I need a pun for the final kill on the rollercoaster. Any suggestions ?
My Dad has recently shown a fascination with space and NASA. Long story short, Christmas is coming up and my plan is to surprise him with an all expense paid trip to Florida for 4 days with passes to the Kennedy Space Center. I’d schedule it around a launch so he would be able to see it in person. As well as checking out the area a bit since we’re there.
Which is where I need your help! I want to coordinate hints with presents that slightly hint at the trip. For example, I picked out a NASA tshirt, a space shuttle plush toy, assorted astronaut ice cream, socks that have planets and a rocket on them, mug that says “coolest dad in the galaxy,” a map/atlas of florida, and luggage tags. And the final gift I’m thinking will be a letter that puts all the clues together and would include the plane tickets, car rental agreement, hotel confirmation, and the admission tickets in an envelope.
Can anyone give me ideas on what hints to use??
- I’m still adding/taking away present ideas so if anyone has any better ideas please let me know!!
Thank you so much!! Any type of help is appreciated!! I don’t really have that “creative” part of the mind... whether it be a rhyme or dad joke-y type hint, it doesn’t matter!
I told him, "Oh, just Robin Williams."
Her plans have been foiled.
EDIT: We plan to place it on the mug as a gift, so it should be relatively short
He was finally doing the reading for his history class. "Did you know that Bin Laden was planning to blow up monuments in other American cities?"
"I bet St. Louis was next on his list," I nodded.
"How'd you know that, Dad?" he asked in surprise.
"Well, he was our arch-enemy."
It had grater plans.
They planet (plan it)
Tomorrow, I’m going to wear it and stand on the corner at an intersection where panhandlers usually are. My plan is to hand out lemons to stopped drivers. When life gives you lemons ...
Me: I am planning to start a cider business She: any alternative plans if it doesn't work out? Me: I haven't decidered yet!
A high schooler wants to ask his best female friend to prom. Because they’ve been friends for so long, he really wants to make his “promposal” special. He talks to his friends, he talks to her friends, and spends days planning the perfect moment. Happily, she says yes!
Over the next couple of months, she sends him different styles and colors of ideas for her dress. He tells honestly that she’s always been beautiful to him, and privately to himself, he is now realizing he has strong feelings for her. He knows he needs to tell her.
The night of the prom, he’s extremely anxious. What if he says something stupid? What if she laughs at him or doesn’t return his feelings? What if she thinks he’s a terrible dancer? All of these thoughts are swirling around in his mind as both their parents fuss over them and make them pose for a million photos.
They get to the prom and he’s even more anxious. It’s dark, it’s loud, it’s crowded. They have to shout to be heard. But she grabs his hand, leads him to the dance floor, and they forget everything and everyone around them. A while later, as the songs have gotten slower, he can feel his heart pounding. He thinks it’s finally the right time. He leans down and whispers the truth in her ear, the truth about having loved her since they met in second grade. She starts to cry happy tears, saying she’s always loved him too, and they kiss. As the song ends and changes to something fast again, he asks her if she’d like to sit and have a drink. She says yes, could he please get her some punch?
He feels like he’s walking on clouds as he goes over to where the drinks and food are laid out. He wants to get back to her right away and hopes he doesn’t have to wait too long at the refreshments table.
He makes his way through the crowd, and is able to get their drinks and return to his waiting love within just a couple of minutes. Because, would you believe it?
There was no punch line.
A solid 10, but also imaginary
Villain: why is my calendar wrapped in aluminum?
Me: I foiled your plans.
[I am immediately killed]
I discovered the floor plans!
The plan is to shoot it in front of a live audience.
But the plans are underdeveloped
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
A good retirement plan.
He would design vehicles and stuff like no other.
One day he called me and said he had a very special design planned for his next vehicle.
So I asked him: "What's the big design you're working on?"
He said: "Its a secret. You'll find out later."
A few months later, he sends me a picture of this amazing motorbike that's entirely made of wood and nothing else. I called him back and told him I really liked it and if I could ride it.
He replied in a deep and depressing voice: "You can't I'm sorry. I threw it away."
I asked him why he threw away such a masterpiece he worked so hard to make.
He replied: "I tried everything..... But it just wooden start!"
Needless to say, my plans were foiled
She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife asked, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”
He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. “Well, is she selling drugs?” she asked excitedly.”
“No, she’s not.” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
“Well, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said. “Her name is Sally and she’s selling batteries.”
“Batteries?” cried the wife.
“Yes,” he replied. “She sells C cells by the Seashore.”
A couple of years ago, one night, I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the porch out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let' just say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries.
Joseph had gotten big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend
Apparently they'd bonded during the time after his injuries, and eloped together , left me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could.
In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton eye Joe?
I told her I wasn't planning on spending that much.
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Friend: Why?
Me: To visit the town idiot.
A few minutes later...
Me: Knock, Knock.
Friend: Who’s there?
Me: The Chicken
You moan now but I suspect you are already planning to use this one.
Friend: What are your plans for today?
Me: I am going with my brother to the optician to get new glasses
Friend: then what?
Me: And then we'll see
But I've no concrete plans yet.
I was planning on returning them, but then I got cold feet.
