Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
Why is Dark spelled with a ‘K’ and not a ‘C’?
Because you can’t ‘C’ in the dark
If Korean pop is called K-pop, what Chinese rap called?
I don’t know why people get mad at others for telling Dick jokes
I saw a guy wearing a "F**K 2020" jumper at the pub tonight.
I turned to my wife and said, "what a dated jumper"
Note: wife and friends groaned and eye rolled.
He must feel lonely at (k)night
How would you call a dick growing on the other side of the body?
Why is doctor spelled with a C and not a K?
No reason to see one if it's ok.
I hope that the universe keeps on expanding forever so all the heat runs out some day. It means that eventually things are gonna be 0 K
What do you call a man with no arms, no legs, and is floating in the ocean?
I went to K-mart the other day...
Because I really needed to buy a K
What do you call a magician who loses his magic?
Do you know what they call "the friend zone" in the U.K.?
Dad: Son, your love of Korean music is tearing this family apart.
Is it o.k. to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school...
....or, am I a really bad teacher ?
What's moby dicks father's name?
I heard Dick van Dyke was asked to change his name because it was insensitive
Now he’s Penis von Lesbian.
A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z
The genie asked, "What’s your first wish?" Steve replied, "I wish I was rich!" The genie nodded and said, "What’s your second wish?"
Rich exclaimed, "I want lots of money!"
A, B, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, & Z are all racists.. How do I know?
Because they're all not 'C's.
Living with my friend Cole can be tough sometimes.
He's got all these really weird rules you have to follow, like whenever you eat cabbage, he insists you have to eat it with mayonnaise.
It's just Cole's law.
(Thought of this one whilst trying to come up with puns to annoy my husband. He abhors dad jokes, and receiving this look -_- means I did a good job.)
What do you call J.K. Rowling at a rave?
I was with my friend Philip and we had a lot of waste we needed to dispose of.
"Where's the nearest landfill?" I asked.
"There's land everywhere," he replied.
Very Mystical [Miss-Dick-El]
What do you call a guy who can swim without using his arms and legs?
Q: What's the name of J.K. Rowling's hip-hop album?
A: Fantastic Beats and Where to Find Them.
What’s the difference between a potato and Philip DeFranco?
One’s a tuber and YouTuber.
What do you get when you mix a penis, potato & a boat?
What works faster than a calculator?
A guy has a rough day and stops at Dick’s Place...
...he tells the owner and bartender that he’s a surgeon down at the hospital and he just wants to forget about everything for awhile.
Dick knows just the thing. He quickly whips up a thick, exotic beverage and places it in front of the worn out doctor. He takes one sip and his eyes light up. “What IS that?” “That’s my signature almond daiquiri”, Dick tells him. The surgeon tells him it’s delicious, pays his bill and comes back the next day and the next day at the same time for the same thing: An almond daiquiri.
Before long, like clockwork, Dick is able to have it ready for him just before he comes in. But, one day as he is preparing the drink, he realizes that he’s run out of almonds! With no time to lose, he quickly substitutes the almonds with hickory nuts and sets the beverage on the bar.
The surgeon pops in, takes a big gulp, and immediately spits it all over the bar. He looks at the bartender and says, “That’s not an almond daiquiri, Dick!” And Dick says, “No, it’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc!”.
"Your underwear is much too tight and very revealing." I said to my wife.
She said, "Wear your own then, dickhead."
How do you get 'Dick' from Richard?
Momma always told me "you are what you eat!" So I started eating mushrooms every day.
I wanted to become a fun guy.
My wife asked me "what starts with f and ends with k"
Why is dark spelled with a K?
Because you can't c in the dark.
Why is dark written with a K not a C?
Because you can't C in the dark
Why is "dark" spelled with a K and not a C?
Because then it would be "darc"
Why do you spell dark with a k and not a c?
Because you can't see in the dark
A little Christmas song. A B C D E F G H I J K M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L, NO L...
Why Is Dark Spelled With A K and Not A C
Because you can’t c in the dark
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
