Jordan Peele just won an Oscar?

Get out

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMeowMeow
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Key and Peele....

... are two things you can do to damage lemons.

I almost put this in /r/showerthoughts, but they don't allow puns.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AdamHR
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2014
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My wife is pissed at me. I made hard boiled eggs for breakfast this morning and let our 2 year old help peel them and he made a mess

I have been walking on eggshells ever since.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MehWebDev
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I feel strong peel pressure when all my friends start eating bananas.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deoxys14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
My coworker asked me to judge their tan...

I gave it a tan out of tan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tali3sin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I knew what apple juice tasted like before I even tried it.

I had in-cider information.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend walked upstairs, stepped on a banana peel, and fell on his bed

He went to slip

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cubelith
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
How many birds can use their huge beak to peel fruit?

Toucan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Octopus-Pawn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I keep telling my wife to stop buying peeling masks

It’s just a rip off

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πŸ‘€︎ u/swetiger
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t really like rotten bananas...

They’re not very a-peeling.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoisonedSnack
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Think this guy is gonna....peel out?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I caught my son rubbing banana peels all over him. At first, I was worried. Then I realized it.

He was going to be all ripe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdafbird
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Two bananas are sitting at a drag strip

When the light drops the first banana split, the other peeled out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MajorMinceMeat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
You want some?
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bondmemebond
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Korean foot peels

Are food for the seoul

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unknownamouse
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the banana always stare at his reflection?

Because he thought he was very apPEELing

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MangoAway17
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My arborist friend was helping a tree that was peeling

But it turns out he was barking up the wrong tree

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are Bananas so Popular?

Because they have a Peel for Everyone!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brianna-Jo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
*while peeling a banana* One skin, Two skin, Three skin.........

Last skin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you like potatoes?

Because I find them very a-peeling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Satans-Kawk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Two bananas married without realising they were from the same tree.

They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stormbreaker636
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a shoe made of a banana?

A slipper

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/abdic8
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend asked me if I was peeling sweet potatoes for Thanksgiving dinner.

I said, β€œYes, I yam”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vanilla_Milkshaq
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a pair of banana peels on the floor?

Slippers!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I hope you'll see the a-peel in this joke. imgur.com/3IEsBG2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrogGentlemen
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
🚨︎ report
ROFL with peels of laughter
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kauntest
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the banana go to the doctor's.

It wasn't peeling to well.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/G3ffr0
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey kids, do you know why did the banana go to the hospital?

He was peeling really bad! Hahaha!!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/balkso
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why should you be a banana for Halloween?

Because you know your costume has a-peel!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uminx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
When will you know if a banana is sick?

When its not peeling well... (cringe moment)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BadLEGZ
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the banana cross the road?

Because it wasn’t peeling well

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who ate bananas whole?

He didn’t peel too well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zura1
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I learnt about the symptoms of sever athletes foot

It’s quite a peeling

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Today my wife caught me redhanded in the kitchen

I was peeling the beets

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zenga03_03
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
This guy will probably peel out when he leafs today
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nichobronoswag
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2013
🚨︎ report
Why should you never tell banana jokes?

Because they're all bent

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone at work eats a bannana with the peel.

I just don't find it that a-peeling.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelighgod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
It looks delicious
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slisseren
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Me: "Son, I'm sorry to have to tell you this but your grandma slipped and fell on a banana peel. She's pretty banged up"

She got a banana Nana boo boo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mlnkoly111
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I beat my rivals by inventing the world's first book made from onion skin.

Read it and weep!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm a relatively new dad. My 2 year old daughter was eating a banana in the car. From the back seat, she started to hand me sections of the banana peel when I blurted this out:

"Don't do that, you'll hurt his peelings!"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/super_dork
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2015
🚨︎ report
My Dad was peeling fruit and he thought this was funny...

I'm an art major and my Dad looks at me and says

"Hey, what was vincents favorite fruit?"

I said "

what Dad?"

"Mango."

Fuck you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boson707
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2016
🚨︎ report
My wife: This cake does not look appealing!

I grabbed banana and started to peel in front of the cake. How about now?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/math-pro
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife told me my forehead had peeling skin

My wife sits on my lap, looks at my face for a few seconds, then picks at my forehead and tells me I'm peeling.

wife: You're peeling.

me: a?

w: what? your forehead is peeling.

m: a?

w: 'a' what?

m: a?

w: huh?

m: just one spot?

w: well just one spot, but several flakes

m: so just one spot?

w: yeah

m: so, a?

w: ...

m: a?

w: what are you trying to tell me?

m: you find me appealing?

Wife gets up

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sdb3001
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
🚨︎ report
I never tell jokes about food for example…

If I tell a joke about a banana peel I have a tendency to slip up and I butcher all the jokes about meat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aceto1469
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My friends dad after peeling a bag of potatos

Holds up the shavings to us and in his thick New York accent says "disapealing to you?"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2015
🚨︎ report
Why did the banana go too the doctor

He wasn't PEELING very well

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SamiraiBarry
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the banana got to the doctor?

He wasn’t peeling well....

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oztourist
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report

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