Part Time Contract Puns

Here's another 20 of the most popular dad jokes, geared for emergency situations where you quickly need a good dad joke.

1. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
   He was just going through a stage.
2. I invented a new word!
   Plagiarism.
3. What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
   Make me one with everything.
4. What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
   Aye matey.
5. How does a rabbi make his coffee?
   Hebrews it.
6. Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.
   “Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
7. What do you get from a pampered cow?
   Spoiled milk.
8. How do you make a tissue dance?
   Put a little boogie in it.
9. Two artists had an art contest.
   It ended in a draw.
10. What did one traffic light say to the other?
    Stop looking! I’m changing!
11. I have a fear of speed bumps.
    But I am slowly getting over it.
12. Rest in peace to boiling water.
    You will be mist.
13. What’s Forest Gump’s password?
    1Forest1.
14. What is an astronaut’s favorite part on a computer?
    The space bar.
15. What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?
    A chicken sees a salad.
16. Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
    There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
17. How do you throw a space party?
    You planet.
18. A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
    “Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”
19. Why did it get so hot in the baseball stadium after the game?
    All of the fans left.
20. What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?
    Any dog, because buildings can’t jump.

NB: I curated these from a much longer list that was published by Reader's Digest, which is also why you see many of these appear regularly in this sub.