A list of puns related to "Pal V"
The pal region.
Found this on Twitter:
My pal, driving in fog, got pulled over. Cop says “What do we do when we encounter Mr Fog?”. My pal thinks “better humour him” so says “ We turn Mr Steering Wheel towards Mr Slow lane”. Cop says “No Sir, I said “What do we do when we encounter MIST OR FOG !”
Guy says to his pal, “can I offer you a piece of fruit?”
Buddy says, “sure how about a pear?”
Guy says, “Sorry man, I only have one.”
A physics textbook book walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of whiskey. The bartender looks up and says, “Sure pal, it looks like you have a lot of problems.”
'Who's your whale pal?' the bartender asked. The Old man seemed annoyed and replied, ' I don't know. Maybe Dick'.
My doctor calls it Irritable Pal Syndrome.
"Let me get 2 shotzzz and a beer"
Bartender says, "No way, pal, I can tell you're already buzzed."
Mooooooooooove over pal I’m tryin’ to eat here
But he's got a ton of taste pals!
Waiter asking me how would you like to pay sir? Cash or Card!
Me looking at my friend: PayPal
Well, that seals the deal!
It got a good laugh out of me. Photo here for the curious.
Popcorn.
(Credit goes to Puppy Dog Pals I watched with my daughter today)
I work at a pretty busy spot in New Orleans, the French quarter to be exact. People coming in and leaving an item they brought with them happens a lot after a few beers. This one guy leaves a chair and in half an hour he comes back for it.
Chair Guy "Excuse me sir, did I leave a chair here?"
Me "What do you think this is pal?? Some kind of CHAIR-ITY??"
If his eyes could roll anymore then they already were, they would have rolled out of his head.
Chair guy "get me your manager right now"
Me "Now that's not very CHAIR-ITABLE of you either"
Edit: Thank you for the gold kind stranger, you are very CHAIR-ITABLE, for popping my gold CHAIR-Y
One of the classic Abbott and Costello routines, where Bud Abbott takes advantage of a common math mistake that we all make to fleece his pal, Lou Costello, out of all of his money. The skit ends with a simple ‘read my mind’ routine that takes Lou’s last remaining bill. This routine was done many times, both in the movies and their radio show.
Bud Abbott: Do me a favor, loan me $50.
Lou Costello: Bud, I can’t. I can’t loan you $50.
Bud Abbott: Oh, yes, ya can.
Lou Costello: No, I can’t. All I got is $40.
Bud Abbott: All right, give me the $40 and you’ll owe me 10
Lou Costello: Ok, I’ll owe you 10.
Bud Abbott: That’s right.
Lou Costello: How come I owe you 10?
Bud Abbott: How much did I ask for?
Lou Costello: 50
Bud Abbott: How much did you give me?
Lou Costello: 40.
Bud Abbott: So you owe me $10.
Lou Costello: That’s right. [Pause] But you owe me 40.
Bud Abbott: Don’t change the subject.
Lou Costello: I’m not changing the subject; you’re trying to change my finances. Come on, Abbott give me my $40.
Bud Abbott: All right, there’s your $40, now give me the 10 you owe me.
Lou Costello: I’m paying you on account.
Bud Abbott: On account?
Lou Costello: On account I don’t know how I owe it to ya.
Bud Abbott: That’s the way you feel about it, that’s the last time I ask you for a loan of $50.
Lou Costello: But how can I loan ya $50, now. All I got is 30.
Bud Abbott: Well, give me the 30 and you’ll owe me 20.
Lou Costello: Ok. This is getting worse all the time. (Look at audience) First I owe him 10, now I owe him 20.
Bud Abbott: Well, why do you run yourself into debt?
Lou Costello: I’m not running in, you’re pushing me!1
Bud Abbott: I can’t help it if you can’t handle your finances. I do all right with my money.
Lou Costello: And you do all right with my money too.
Bud Abbott: Now I asked you for a loan of $50. You gave me 30, so you owe me 20. 20 and 30 is 50.
Lou Costello: No. No. No. 25 and 25 is 50.
Bud Abbott: All right, here’s your $30, now give me the 20 you owe me. Fine guy, won’t loan a pal $50.
He's my penne pal.
I said "Hey pal, I got news for you, too!".
Neither, he used PrayPal
He said: "Dont you know in every principal there's a pal"
We agreed to paint our chests to read "FOOTBALL" as we sat in the stands. But two of my pals, the first and second "O", didn't show up. And our team lost! I really should've expected that outcome. My absent friends were the bad o-men.
"Would you like a beer mat?" he asked.
I said, "I prefer cider, pal. And my name isn't Matt."
People kept opening the cubicle door and saying, "Oi, pal, get out of the way, will you?"
An o.pal
I guess it would be like a...
Papal PayPal?
Funniest horse puns and jokes
A white horse walks into a pub and asks for a whisky. The landlord says: “Hey, we’ve got a whisky named after you.” The horse replies: “What, George?”
A horse trudges slowly into a pub and orders a drink. “Evenin’” says the barman, “why the long face?”
A horse walks into a smart cocktail bar. The doorman says: “Wait you can’t come in here without a tie.”The horse goes out to his car, looks in the boot and gets a set of jump leads, which he ties around his neck.He goes back in and says to the barman: “This alright?” The barman says: “Hmm, ok… but don’t be starting anything.”
A poorly-looking horse limps into a bar with a bandage round his head. He orders a glass of champagne, a vintage brandy and two pints of Guinness. He downs the lot and says to the barman: “I shouldn’t really be drinking this with what I’ve got?” “Why, what have you got?” “About £2 and a carrot.”
Which side of a horse has more hair? The outside What’s a horse’s favourite TV show? Neighbours
A racehorse owner takes his horse to the vet. “Will I be able to race this horse again?,” he asks The vet replies: “Of course you will, and you’ll probably win!”
Did you hear about the depressed horse? He told a tale of whoa!
A dead horse walks into a bar and orders a whisky.
“I’m sorry, sir,” says the barman. “We don’t serve spirits..
A talking horse walks into a bar and approaches the manager. “Excuse me, good sir,” the horse says, “are you hiring?” The manager looks the horse up and down and says, “Sorry, pal. Why don’t you try the circus?” The horse nickers. “Why would the circus need a bartender?”
Did you hear about the man who was hospitalized with six plastic horses inside him? The doctor described his condition as stable.
What did the horse say when it fell? “I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
Q. What does it mean if you find a horseshoe? A. Some poor horse is walking around in his socks.
A man rode his horse to town on Friday. The next day he rode back on Friday. How is this possible? The horse’s name was Friday.
Why did the pony have to gargle? Because it was a little horse!
What did the horse say when it fell? I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!
What did the teacher say when the horse walked into the class? Why the long face?
What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bo
... keep reading on reddit ➡A major online financial company has hired the administrator of a Catholic women's religious organization to head up the company. The business community awaits the announcement of a new PayPal nun CEO.
...for days, parched and exhausted. Eventually, he came across a small town and headed straight for the tavern. The string walked in, went up to the bar, and ordered a tall glass of water. The bartender looked at the string and said, "Sorry, we don't serve strings here." The string couldn't believe it, but was forced to leave. Outside, he asked a stranger for help. He said to the stranger, "Hey pal, could you help a string out? The bartender won't serve me, so I need a disguise. Could you twist me into a knot so it looks like I have a head?." The stranger obliged and offered to do even better, "Let me fray out your top a little so you have hair, too." With renewed confidence, the string goes back into the tavern and orders a glass of water. The bartender suspiciously asks, "Hey, aren't you that string from earlier?" The string replies, "No sir, I'm a frayed knot."
Why you ask? He's my penne pal
Me: What breed of horse is always your friend?
Him: I don't know which one?
Me: a PAL-omino
Groans and wishing death upon me were stated.
Two prawns, Justin and Christian, were constantly harassed by sharks.
Finally Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up being a prawn. I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't worry about being eaten by one."
A large, mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.
Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his former friend.
Time passed, Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old pals simply swam away whenever he came close to them.
While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and Justin begged to be changed back to a prawn. And he was!
What a miraculous thing!
With tears of joy in his tiny little prawn-eyes, Justin swam back to his friends. But looking around the reef couldn't see his old pal.
"Where's Christian?" he asked. "He's at home, distraught at his best friend changing sides to the enemy and becoming a shark," came the reply.
Eager to put things right, Justin set off to Christian's abode. Opening its coral gate, memories came flooding back.
He banged on the door and shouted, "Christian! It's me, Justin, your old friend! Come out, and see me again!
Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."
Justin cried back, "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed...
"I've found Cod! I'm a prawn again Christian!"
"Well, I guess that makes us penn pals?" "omg shutup."
You know those artificial pen pals?
Transcription:
Program: A very nice friend.
Me: I too feel like we have a connection.
Program: An internet connection!
Me: Just empty the dishwasher for me please. Ok, buddy?
Him: I'm not your buddy, pal!
Me: I'm not your pal, son!
Him: (Thinks a few seconds.) Dammit dad!
EDIT: Adult aged son.
Wife and I are going on a double-date. Our pals have an older kid who will babysit our young ones. We put an order in for pizza for our kids and asked the other couple what the babysitter would like. The response come back, Margherita.
Me: "If you say so... I'll have to pick up some tequila while I'm out."
Cue the groans.
Earlier my pals and I wanted to have a heart attack for lunch so we go out and pick up some sonic
My buddy orders a blue raspberry freez-e and the server ask:
"Do you want nerds on that sweetie"
without hesitation "Will we have to raise them and feed them daily? "
moans and groans And all we hear over the speaker is" I'm so done with this fucking job"
"I'm sorry did I give you guys chills?
I'm still laughing about this, edit is for formatting I'm on mobile
Why did the skeleton kill himself?
Because he was alone and had no-body.
Bonus joke:
Two friends are talking to each other.
"What are we doing with our lives?"
"I don't know pal, I always wanted to be a doctor."
"Oh yeah? Why don't you go try it?"
"Because...I have no payshants."
(yeah...I deliberately misspelled that word because these oral play on word type jokes are hard to put down in text)
EDIT: Jesus, he's on a roll today....
Why did the Iguana sleep alone?
Because he had ereptile-dysfunction.
Three strings walk into a bar. The first string goes up to the bartender and says,
"Hello, I'd like a pitcher of beer and three frosty glasses for me and my buddies, please."
The bartender replies,
"Sorry pal, but we don't serve strings here."
Dejected, the first string returns to his friends and relays the transaction. The second string can't believe this, and walks swiftly up to the bartender and says,
"Hey, buddy. I need a pitcher of beer and three frosty glasses for me and my friends!"
The bartender sternly states,
"We don't serve strings here!" The second string returns to his friends, defeated. The third string looks at his pals and says,
"Guys, I got this."
He goes into the bathroom, unravels himself a little and tangles himself up a bit. He walks confidently up to the bartender and says with gusto,
"Bartender! You are going to give me and my friends a pitcher of your finest beer, and three frosty glasses, on the double!"
The bartender sighs and says,
"Like I told your buddies, WE DON'T SERVE STRINGS HERE."
The third string leans across the bar, chuckles, and says,
"String? I'm a frayed knot."
Found this gem on Twitter:
My pal, driving in fog, got pulled over. Cop says “What do we do when we encounter Mr Fog?”. My pal thinks “better humour him” so says “ We turn Mr Steering Wheel towards Mr Slow lane”. Cop says “No Sir, I said “What do we do when we encounter MIST OR FOG !”
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.