What do you call an organized crime ring that sells Adobe products?

A flash mob

👍︎ 12
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📅︎ Jan 30 2015
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A lot of puns

I didn't know why the baseball was getting bigger. And then it hit me.

I'm know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I didn't know where the boomerang went. And then it came to me.

Did you hear about the guy who's left arm was cut off? He's all right now.

I didn't like my beard. And then it grew on me.

I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the blue.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Nope. Unintended.

Hope this made your day! If I get a lot of upvotes I'll make Part 2.

👍︎ 19
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📅︎ Apr 29 2019
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My mom's been cackling at this bad pun for three days.

So my front yard has a lot of weeds and crappy grass I've been trying to get rid of for years. They're mutants, so nothing will kill them. This year, one of the decorative rocks has turned out to be covered by a giant shroom as well. This thing is enormous. It has about a hundred different canopies, but as far as I can tell it's all one organism.

So I was talking with her about things I might be able to use to get rid of all this stuff, shroom included, and after she suggested a mixture of various household products I asked if it would work on fungus as well. She said it was worth a shot and asked why I wanted to know.

I replied, "Because that thing's just taking up way too mush room."

I was over it in a few seconds, but she's been randomly cracking up for days now. Send help.

👍︎ 29
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📅︎ Apr 04 2018
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Imagine, if you will, a futuristic dystopian society

In this society, companies and businesses are not legally allowed to give themselves a name. Instead, companies are ID's alphanumerically. The first businesses were Corporation A, Company B, Business C, ... Organization Z, Company A1, etc.

The world's current largest corporation is Company B. They're particularly known for their robotics manufacturing. One day, Company B had just finished the design for two new robots. One that would automatically play blues songs on a record player at the press of a button. (What we know today as a jukebox) The other was a companion robot for lonely people, modeled after a beagle.

Unfortunately, when the final version of these robots were being manufactured for a worldwide release, there was an error in the automated assembly line. This error caused the two robots to be built simultaneously, creating a single robot.

The resulting product came to be known as the Boogie Woogie Beagle Bot of Company B.

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ Nov 14 2015
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My wife is now a dad.

My wife was organizing her spices, and came to me with something on her hands.

"I spilled my thyme, now I have way too much thyme on my hands! I should find something productive to do with it."

After wiping it off, she said "Sorry, I'm not cooking today. Just don't have enough thyme on my hands for it."

I'm so proud of her, LMAO!

👍︎ 11
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👤︎ u/breakone9r
📅︎ Mar 05 2017
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"PETA is a messed up organization"

Me: "PETA is a messed up organization" Dad: "Yeah, they focus too much on their bread products" Me: "God dammit"

👍︎ 6
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👤︎ u/The69LTD
📅︎ Dec 24 2015
🚨︎ report
A lot of puns

I didn't know why the baseball was getting bigger. And then it hit me.

I'm know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I didn't know where the boomerang went. And then it came to me.

Did you hear about the guy who's left arm was cut off? He's all right now.

I didn't like my beard. And then it grew on me.

I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the blue.

I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself this is the last thing I need.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Nope. Unintended.

Hope this made your day! If I get a lot of upvotes I'll make Part 2.

👍︎ 42
💬︎
📅︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report

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