I spent $2000 on a top-of-the-line DSLR camera to take a picture of a beautiful wheat field at sunset...

...turned out grainy.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2020
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I bought a brand-new top-of-the-line string trimmer of a guy on craigslist for only $20

it was a total Stihl

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DrF4rtB4rf
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 30 2020
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Just got the Father-in-law with this one... Me: At Disney World parades they keep people in line with masking tape on the ground.

Father-in-Law: And do people actually adhere to it? Me: No, cuz they put it sticky side down.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 18 2020
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Ya know, I saw superhero on the street once, he was in line for a hotdog, read this guys mind and saw that his head was in the clouds, and he just pushed in front of him!

If you ask me, that was pretty telepathetic of him.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NukulerNicky
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 18 2020
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I bought a thesaurus on-line and when it arrived all the pages were blank.

I have no words for how angry I am.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Gearidall_M_Grey
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 21 2019
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On a hot summer day, a woman has a hankering for a hot dog. She walks to the nearest hot dog stand and gets in line. Looking up to the front of the queue, she sees an elderly gentleman ordering a bratwurst...

He picks up the ketchup bottle, glances at it and gives a hearty chuckle before slathering his brat in ketchup.

Puzzled, the woman watches as the next customer, a young girl, walks up to order her hot dog.

As she takes the container of relish, she bursts into a fit of giggles and walks off with her food, still laughing merrily.

A middle-aged man steps up next. Shoveling sauerkraut onto his hot dog, he laughs uproariously and walks away grinning.

When she reaches the front of the line, the woman asks the hot dog vendor,

β€œExcuse me, sir, but why does everyone laugh when they get their hot dogs?”

β€œIt’s simple, ma’am.” he says, handing her a piping-hot sausage. β€œI’m surprised you haven’t discovered for yourself.”

Glancing at the mustard, the woman lets loose a peal of laughter.

β€œYa see, ma’am? The real_joke’s always in the condiments!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 07 2019
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I asked my barber if it was difficult to shave the line thingy on my head

He said "that's the hard part"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ps374
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 01 2019
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Remeber, there is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like a moron.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/enis_with_a_p
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 25 2019
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I saw a strange picket line on the way home today. The workers were carrying signs saying "WE MAKE TOO MUCH MONEY”

Then I noticed they were outside the mint.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/marycartlizer
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 13 2019
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I was in a KFC in Prague, standing in line waiting to order my lunch when I noticed the beautiful girl wearing a black and white tiled apron who was giving the man in front of me a bucket of Buffalo wings..and then it dawned on me.

I was checking out a chequered Czech check-out chick who was checking out some chicken at the checkout.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 26
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/buggaboobooy
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 13 2019
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If you have to wait on line for the bathroom...

Do you have to Q to P?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/shroomley
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 04 2019
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To get a girl, some guys use pick up lines. Others rely on the attraction of their car

So I figure a pick up truck should cover both bases

πŸ‘οΈŽ 68
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/td941
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 21 2019
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Cocaine is no joke I'm at the end of the line on this one
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Deathlysin
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 17 2019
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What do you call it when you buy something on line from the Middle East and get ripped off?

E-gypt

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Zeeman757
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 10 2019
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Saw a great tag line on the way to work this morning.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/dabunk7
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 30 2019
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"Doctor I have a patient on the line that claims he's invisible"

"Tell him I can't see him right now."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 69
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ChaDaBeast
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 08 2018
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I noticed a man in line at the grocery store with a toupee on.

When It came to the magical moment, I asked "how would you like toupee."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 15 2019
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Two kids were on the playground, about to get in a fight. One drew a line in the sand and told the other, β€œIf you cross this line, I’ll punch you in the face.”

That was the punch line.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KingInTheNorth57
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 16 2019
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One my friends is studying in New Zealand and her boyfriend is studying in Canada. I told this to someone and remarked on how romantic it would be for them to date on the International date line .
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hal_potter_seven
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2019
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Nearing the finish line, a marathon runner was so driven to win, that even when he pooped his pants, he continued on. When asked what he felt at that crucial moment, he replied...

"Undeterred" / "Undie turd"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/p_noid
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 12 2019
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Why did Joseph keep bringing up tractors on the firing line?

'cause he was Stalin!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/steadmanthewhale
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2019
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What do u call a guy with no arms and no legs on the end of a fishing line

Bob.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Nixonhill
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 10 2019
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The operator on the phone line told me she was standing by for more info...

I told her that she could sit if she wanted to.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mingonius
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 26 2018
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I was dropped from the 100 meters running team after I kept on getting tired before the finish line.

My coach said that I was not performing up to the mark.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 02 2019
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It was my first day on the job at the Tickle Me Elmo factory. My boss gave me the easiest, but most important, job on the assembly line. After a few hours, my boss frantically ran to my station to check in on me. "Why are you so far behind? Why are marbles and thread scattered everywhere?"

"Sorry boss... I just can't keep up! You told me to give each Elmo two test tickles!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PolarBurrito
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2018
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Do ISIS fighters on the front lines head back to a mess tent for their dinner like other military forces?

... Or when they're feeling peckish do they just hit up the Allahu Snackbar?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Batshit_Betty
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 26 2018
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I went fishing. I was out of worms, but was saving a can of alphabet soup for lunch, so I put some letters on the line and hoped for the best. Moments later, I caught a whopper, and boy, he started talking! The fish said:

"Hooked on phonics worked for me!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Torley_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 30 2018
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I got a call in the middle of the night, and when I answered, the person on the other end of the line’s teeth were chattering...

Turns out it was a cold caller!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Homer_Simpson2
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 06 2018
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When Donald Trump's doctor replied to him via email about a suspicious mark on his back, what did the subject line say?

Re: Cyst

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/halal_and_oates
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 17 2017
🚨︎ report
For having such strong opinions on border security, Donald Trump sure can cross the line.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 23
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/arthurktripp
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 23 2015
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I put my clothes on the line, then lost them all.

Never gamble with your laundry.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Onegodoneloveoneway
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 07 2017
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A container full of fridges washes up on shore... The last line is my favourite. canberratimes.com.au/nsw/…
πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ham_cheese_tomato
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 14 2014
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I work at a grocery store and a guy came through my line with his wife. He forgot to put his sweet potatoes on the belt and I make a crack about him stealing food. His wife then said,

"Ya know, if they put out a warrant for your arrest for stealing those potatoes you would be on the yam."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheMortar93
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 20 2016
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There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot
πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pegun
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 19 2018
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