“Dad, you will remember to come and get me when I’m 18, won’t you?”
Honestly, it rocks and I appreciate the sediment.
“Yes and no.”
if she was having a change of heart. She was.
I'll tell ya that guy was methed up
Hospital visitation hours are 6 PM to 7 PM.
I declined her offer because I don't own a long dog.
He was feeling kind of week.
Disc-gusting!
"...40 second birthday". I was so proud.
The incredible Sulk
He treks his way up the incline at the bottom, slowly getting steeper as he makes his way upward. He eventually reaches the base of a large rock formation, which is much steeper, and makes his way up and around, through a winding trail running along a narrow ledge.
As he reaches the top, he finds a large, relatively flat area, where another hiker is standing near the edge, admiring the landscape. He walks over and stands next to the man, also taking in the view.
The man says to him, "It sure is a gorgeous view from up here, isn't it? The hike is pretty grueling, and you might wanna turn back a few times, but once you get to the top and look out over the whole desert, completely flat and stretching out as far as the eyes can see, you remember why you decided to climb this mountain."
He turns to the man and says, "It sure is, she's a butte."
There were just Googly eyes
Eye dew.
There was a fork in the road
I'm not dwelling on it
...then I spent the rest of the morning being chased by an angry one-man-band.
Boyfriend: "Sure, what's your number?"
It was a Bitcoin.
It was a play on words
There is a fox in the forest on the edge of the field sheltered by the trees, and he starts to feel sorry for the cow as it must be so cold. So he scurries out quickly to the cow and says, "man, you must be so cold out here."
And the cow says, " Cold! I'm Fresian!"
#Feeling Desserted
"That's it," I said. "This means war!"
I guess you could say i was in a lot of, pane
Where to vegan…
"Son? You're not my dad!" I replied.
"No, but I brought you up, didn't I."
She thought to herself, "Am I the only one in this day and age who still drives a stick?"
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair."
"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."
So they did.
Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them.
And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
But it was just a boulevard of broken dreams
The two introduced themselves as Sven and Olf. Olf in particular was wearing a t-shirt with the USSR flag on and boasted a cap with a hammer and sickle on, so I assumed he was an avid communist. I asked them if either of them knew where I could get alcohol on the train, and Olf piped up:
"If you go to carriage 4, you can get a guinness, you idiot. You can also find a stella in carriage 6, dumbass. There's also someone microbrewing in the front of the train, but he looks stupid."
I was a bit taken aback at how mean Olf was, but I thanked him for the information. Soon after, when he got up to go to the bathroom, I asked Sven what the deal was with his friend.
"Don't worry" he said.
"Rude Olf the red knows train beer."
A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
A Santa Clause
It's night.
I came home and asked if he noticed that I got a haircut.
Without skipping a beat, he looked at me and asked, “Which one?”
I’m so proud.
I suspect it will be there December 18th as well. I think it's a werehouse.
What type of cake does a crazy person like?
A fruit cake
That's when I knew I'd hit Rock bottom.
The man of steel learned the hard way that you can't have your cape and heat it, too.
I only have my shelf to blame though.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
"Oh, ups and downs." He replied.
He says, "Please, make yourself a tome."
"...40 second birthday". I was so proud.
