Noisiness Puns

Soundwich

A sub-woofer

...it's crickets.

Stop making a rakis.

Because of all the coffin

The tree’s bark.

A caw-cophony!

I tried to explain to them that I was just reading a book but the librarian said there's no reading aloud.

Silence of the lamps.

Shut the chef up!

A noisy noise annoys an oyster

Stop making that racket.

They want their peas and quiet.

So I said, “A pastrami on rye, please.”

A yellephant!

It was a cacawphony

Dad A: It's a tough job having three children...

Dad B: Come again?

Dad A: Four children...

Dad B: Come again?

Dad A: Five children...

It was my wake up caw.

But it's a mute point

She said I can't keep it down.

We will have catapults

To pipe down the noisy class

Grandpa was usually pretty stoic, but he had one joke that he never got tired of. Whenever we sat at the table and were about to take a sip of a drink or a spoonful of soup a loud "SSSSSLLUUUUUURRRRRP" would come from Grandpa, who then told us with all seriousness that we were being too noisy with our meals

Dad was being awfully noisy knocking thing around in the basement.

I yelled down, "Dad! What are you up to??"

He replied, "Oh...about 5 foot 8!"

Mike Rowe on meeting Robin Williams the first time:

The first was in 2006 - June or maybe July. I walked into The Roastery down on Chestnut, ordered a coffee, and sat down to read the paper. I soon discovered I was in one of those chairs with one leg shorter than the rest, and resolved to remedy the problem by jamming a folded-up coaster under the offending limb. I bent down, got the thing positioned properly, and managed to smack my head on the edge of the table on the way back up. Hard. The impact was noisy, and sent coffee slushing all over The Chronicle, which in turn lead to an “Ahh...shit!,” a little louder than I intended. A second later, a voice said, “No, I believe that’s coffee. Shit’s the stuff I see you crawling through every time I turn on the TV.”

source

I was at a friend's house and we were baking a cake. Friend had poured the batter into the pan and was banging it down on the counter to get it to flatten out.

Me: "You think there's a less noisy way to do that?"

Friend's dad (from the living room): "You making a pound cake?"

Guy goes to a bar that he's never been to before, to see what it's about. It's a bit noisy, and he mentions this to the bartender. Bartender tells him there's an upper level, quieter, but with some weird locals.

Guy goes upstairs and finds the place completely empty except for the upstairs bartender and one other man drinking. He sits down beside the other man and orders a beer.

The other man says "You ever been here before?"

"Nope. What's it like?"

"Well, the view is nice up here. But what's really great are the wind patterns."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, see this window right here? If you jump out the window, the wind will spin you around and push you back in. Here, I'll demonstrate."

At this the other man opens the window and jumps out. He spins around in the air and falls back in.

"Now you try it!"

Guy jumps out the window as well, but falls splat on the ground.

Bartender looks at the other man and says "Superman, you're really mean when you're drunk, you know that?"

I was on the phone with my dad, and he told me he'd put me in touch with a friend of his about finding a job. I asked who, but just then my dad sneezed into the phone.

Me: "Thanks! What's his name? I'll give him a call."

Dad: loud, noisy sneeze

Me: "Huh, I don't think we've met. How do you spell that?"

Dad: "Not funny. I need a tissue."

Because of all the coffin.

Because of all the coffin!

Because of all the coffin.

Because of all the coffin.

Because of all the coffin.

Probably because of all the coffin

All the coffin.