Pun intendedβ
A man entered ten puns in a local newspapers pun contests. He hope that at least one of his puns would when. But unfortunately No pun in-ten-did.
ποΈ 14
π
οΈ Jun 01 2017
I ran out of toilet paper, so I used newspaper instead...
ποΈ 874
π
οΈ Mar 25 2021
Old newspapers are printed on broadsheet, new ones are compact
Oh how the Times have changed.
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Mar 11 2021
Today is the day I can post it
ποΈ 6k
π
οΈ Mar 02 2021
Hey girl!! Are you a newspaper?
Because there's a new issue with you everyday.
ποΈ 186
π
οΈ Dec 08 2020
I ran out of toilet paper last week and can't afford to buy more till I get paid next week, so I started using the newspapers. Now the realisation has kicked in......
......... The Times are really Rough!!!
ποΈ 60
π
οΈ Dec 16 2020
I'm thinking of starting a newspaper based upon 2020...
I think it'll be called The Trying Times.
ποΈ 2
π
οΈ Dec 15 2020
Johnny Depp has lost his case against The Sun newspaper even with evidences
Hard to win if Amber is Heard and Johnny is not
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Nov 11 2020
The doctor told me I probably wonβt be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
ποΈ 95
π
οΈ Jul 01 2020
A hitman named Arti was so broke he took a job for $5 and strangled 2 people at the grocery store
The next day the newspaper read "Arti chokes two for $5 at the supermarket"
ποΈ 109
π
οΈ Mar 22 2021
"Spider!" yelled my wife from upstairs "bring up the newspaper".
"Fair enough," I shouted back, "which one does he want to read?"
ποΈ 20
π
οΈ Sep 14 2020
βNow howβs he going to read that newspaper all rolled up like that!?"
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Aug 23 2020
I just read in the newspaper: "Painting stolen from art museum found by a set of dustbins."
Those dustbins must be very intelligent.
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Jul 17 2020
SON: βHey, Dad! This newspaper says the moon is going broke.β
DAD: βWhy is it going broke?β
SON: βThe paper says itβs going into its last quarter.β
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Aug 13 2020
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. βWe had sex education today, dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!β I put down my newspaper, looked at her and saidβ¦
βOh, he will, sweetheart, he will.β
ποΈ 9k
π
οΈ Mar 10 2018
Thanks to our mutual dislike of newspaper puzzles, my wife and I have enjoyed a long and happy marriage. Thirty years and...
ποΈ 13
π
οΈ Jul 08 2020
I ran out of toilet paper the other day, and have been using newspaper since...
And man, the Times are tough!!!
ποΈ 82
π
οΈ Mar 27 2020
Why did Tesla read newspapers?
To know about current events.
ποΈ 181
π
οΈ Dec 03 2019
I don't think I'm well-suited for this job as a newspaper editor.
Even my blood is a Type O!
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Feb 15 2020
Puns in newspapers
Hi everybody! I absolutely need to find some puns featured in the headlines of the English newspapers. It would be nice if they referred to current topics such as Boris Johnson or Harry and Meghan. Could anyone help me? I'd appreciate that.
ποΈ 4
π
οΈ Apr 02 2020
The local newspaper just hired me as the sports editor.
My pen name is Jim Shortz.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Jun 03 2020
My family complains that I never talk during breakfast because I still read a newspaper.
You can say.... Iβm behind The Times.
ποΈ 55
π
οΈ Mar 05 2020
My uncle worked for a newspaper's crossword puzzle team, but only contributed one awesome clue in his career...
He was a one-hint wonder!
ποΈ 8
π
οΈ May 16 2020
After a lot of tries, I finally taught my cat to fetch the newspaper.
You know what they say, practice makes purr fetch
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ May 04 2020
2020 is basically a newspaper
there seems to be a new issue every passing day
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ Apr 02 2020
My actual dad reading the newspaper out loud "learn to play piano by ear!"
Then he mutters under his breath "I'd rather use my fingers"
ποΈ 33
π
οΈ Feb 26 2020
I saw a guy on the train holding a newspaper in front of his face.
ποΈ 9
π
οΈ Mar 09 2020
Hey girl, are you a newspaper?
Because thereβs an new issue with you every single day.
ποΈ 27
π
οΈ Nov 14 2019
Gotta love the local newspaper
ποΈ 2k
π
οΈ Oct 19 2017
Every morning on my way to work, I slip on the frozen newspaper on our front porch.
Iβm fallen on some hard Times.
ποΈ 34
π
οΈ Dec 08 2019
One for the sunday morning newspaper
When you get to the obituaries pause and say "hmm" like you see something interesting.
Wife or kids will say "what?" and you say "they all died in alphabetical order!"
It gets better after the 5th or 20th time.
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Feb 09 2020
The pun was actually the front page headline of the local newspaper.
ποΈ 727
π
οΈ Apr 06 2018
What do u call a sad newspaper company?
ποΈ 6
π
οΈ Jan 05 2020
Found this in a recent newspaper
ποΈ 84
π
οΈ May 05 2019
got fired from a newspaper company for forgetting important text.
ποΈ 16
π
οΈ Sep 29 2019
I saw an ad in the newspaper for burial plots
Then I thought to myself "This is the last thing I need."
ποΈ 3
π
οΈ Sep 08 2019
What do you call a newspaper column that gives advice about fashion wear?
ποΈ 15
π
οΈ Nov 11 2019
My neighbor saw me naked grabbing the newspaper early this a.m. Embarrassing.
Now he knows I'm taking his paper.
ποΈ 19
π
οΈ Oct 23 2019
I asked my daughter if I could borrow a newspaper.
"This is the 21st century" she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad".
I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him...
ποΈ 15
π
οΈ Sep 19 2019
I asked my daughter if sheβd seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad...
The fly didnβt stand a chance...
ποΈ 146
π
οΈ Jan 11 2019
Pun contest
There was a man who entered a local newspaper pun contest. He sent in ten different puns the hope that at least one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
ποΈ 5
π
οΈ Jan 29 2017
I ran out of toilet paper, so I had use old newspapers...
ποΈ 33
π
οΈ Dec 28 2020
I've run out of toilet paper and started using old newspapers instead
ποΈ 11k
π
οΈ Apr 19 2020
Ran out of toilet paper and had to resort to using old newspapers...
Gotta say... these are rough Times.
ποΈ 11
π
οΈ Nov 05 2020
I ran out of toilet paper, so have begun using old newspapers...
ποΈ 618
π
οΈ Mar 19 2020
My teenage daughter came home from school and she was blazing mad. βWe had sex education today dad and you lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my sixteenth birthday, my boyfriend will die!β I put down my newspaper, looked at her and saidβ¦
βOh, he will, sweetheart, he will.β
ποΈ 213
π
οΈ Jun 05 2019
My wife is like a newspaper...
...she has a new issue every day!
ποΈ 21
π
οΈ Oct 21 2019
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
