Breaking news: 18 people suffocated after a leak at the helium refinery

Breaking news: 18 people suffocated after a leak at the helium refinery. It's not all bad news though. They all went out on a high note.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stuborg
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2017
🚨︎ report
If you turn 18 this month, your parents brought in the new millennium with a bang. reddit.com/r/Showerthough…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ashasash
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
🚨︎ report
On December 18, 2015, seeing the new Star Wars movie will be on my R2D2-do list.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/engfish
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2015
🚨︎ report
My stepmom and I were amazed at our new Dyson...I'm an 18 year old girl with dad jokes out the wazoo.
πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
🚨︎ report
A king who fought China

Once upon a time there was a king in the olden times

He loved giving out diktats like

"So shall citizens pay double the tax"

"So shall boys over 18 join the army"

He went to war with China

He won

In the court, they brought a Chinese man

"Your Majesty, he's the best singer in China, but refuses to sing since he is unwell with cough, fever"

The king then gave out a new diktat

"So shall this Tan sing"

And to this day, when it happens..

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokeretailer
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Collection of dadness

I am not a dad at the moment, but I've learned the art of pretty clever puns in college. Some are mine, some are spins on inspirations, others are more on the joke side of dad.

What does a radioactive cat have?
18 half-lives

Ventriloquists are like psychiatrists, they both talk through things.

What is my vision?
To make the world 10% better?
No, it's about 20/20...

The invention of the shovel was truly a groundbreaking discovery.

Dad: I invested in some uranium, but I lost money.
Friend: What happened?
Dad: The Profit decayed.

We have received a report of a hole being discovered in the ground, our investigative team is looking into it.

There was an explosion at a local film manufacturing company, the story is still developing as we speak.

A local theater put together an act about jokes.
It was a play on words

SΓΈ, I hΓͺΓ‘rd yΓΆΕ« lΓ¬kΓ« fΓΆrΓ©igΓ± aΓ§Δ‡Δ“Ε„tΕ‘

As an airline mechanic would say, the job has lots of ups and downs.

My New Years resolution will probably be 25 megapixels, or 4K, not sure yet...

There was a river in Egypt no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Dad-Epitaph:
I thought I'd never live to see this day come.

There are two things that are guaranteed to open doors in life.
Push and Pull!

(How to keep an idiot in suspense)
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

A man builds robotic snakes for a living, I guess you could say he was a... python programmer!

A researcher's obsession with mixing stone, sand, lime, and water has yielded concrete results.

A madman once attacked a rider on his horse.
The rider had to goto hospital, the horse remains in stable condition.

A man bought a paper shop, it blew away in the wind last night.

Science is all about learning the rules, setting off an absurd amount of explosives, and then writing down what happened.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

Dad: Did you pick up your room?
Kid: No, I tried but it's too heavy.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Is Michael Giacchino the greatest Star Trek Dad Joker in the world?

He must have it in his Genes.

But seriously check out his Star Trek track listings. The guy loves a good pun.

Star Trek

  1. Star Trek

  2. Nailin' The Kelvin

  3. Labor Of Love

  4. Hella Bar Talk

  5. Enterprising Young Men

  6. Nero Sighted

  7. Nice To Meld You

  8. Run And Shoot Offense

  9. Does It Still McFly?

  10. Nero Death Experience

  11. Nero Fiddles, Narada Burns

  12. Back From Black

  13. That New Car Smell

  14. To Boldly Go

  15. End Credits

Star Trek Into Darkness

  1. Logos / Pranking The Natives

  2. Spock Drops, Kirk Jumps

  3. Sub Prime Directive

  4. London Calling

  5. Meld-Merized

  6. The Kronos Wartet

  7. Brigadoom

  8. Ship To Ship

  9. Earthbound And Down

  10. Warp Core Values

  11. Buying The Space Farm

  12. The San Fran Hustle

  13. Kirk Enterprises

  14. Star Trek Main Theme

Star Trek Beyond

  1. Logo and Prosper

  2. Thank Your Lucky Star Date

  3. Night on the Yorktown

  4. The Dance of the Nebula

  5. A Swarm Reception

  6. Hitting the Saucer a Little Hard

  7. Jaylah Damage

  8. In Artifacts as in Life

  9. Franklin, My Dear

  10. A Lesson in Vulcan Mineralogy

  11. MotorCycles of Relief

  12. Mocking Jaylah

  13. Crash Decisions

  14. Krall-y Krall-y Oxen Free

  15. Shutdown Happens

  16. Cater-Krall in Zero G

  17. Par-tay for the Course

  18. Star Trek Main Theme

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thegeneral400
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Got my mom with this one yesterday.

Yesterday started a new motocross season for my nephew, so for his inaugural race a bunch of family went to watch him. I'm an amateur/hobbyist photographer so I brought my telephoto zoom lens out and my Canon body to get a few shots of him on the track. The assembled camera is about 18 inches in length. After putting it together:

Mom (first seeing it): Holy crap! That thing looks like a damn cannon!

Me: (pointing to the label) You sure know your cameras, it is a Canon!

Typical dad joke responses ensued.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Primacron
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2016
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my new landlord today. (Potty humor within)

"I got a new toilet topper for you guys so you can put your shit in it!" "I usually just put my shit in the toilet!" Let's just say we got off on the right foot. Then the left. Also should add im 18 years old and this surprised my two best friends at the landlady.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MiseryAd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2015
🚨︎ report
Chris Brown's big hit...

This is probably more topical humor, but I'm a dad and I'm proud of this one.

My wife and I (and our 18-month-old daughter) went to our friends' house (also a married couple, 3 children) for the new year's celebration. About 10 minutes after midnight, Dave (the male in the other relationship) said, "What was Chris Brown's biggest hit?"

Without skipping a beat, I instantly reply, "Rihanna."

EDIT: Spelling.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/E-werd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.