Me: โ€œOh, I wish Iโ€™d listened to my motherโ€ Friend: โ€œWhy? Whatโ€™d she tell you?โ€

Me: โ€œI donโ€™t know, I wasnโ€™t listeningโ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/decentname99
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My day is full of conference calls, collaborations, and 1-on-1s. I wish they would all just go away...

...but then my life would be meetingless.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ciden
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I wish my family wouldn't make such a big deal over not picking up dropped ice cubes.

It's just water under the fridge.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 55
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Snowdoggo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Before he died, my grandfatherโ€™s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

Thatโ€™s a lot of pressure.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 50
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Many years after the great flood, God came to Noah again and spoke: โ€œNoah, it is my wish that you build another ark.โ€

Rather worried, Noah said โ€œBut my Lord, have the people not been good this time? Must there be another flood?โ€

โ€œNo, there will not be a flood, the people have been good.โ€ Said the Lord.

โ€œThen why another ark?โ€ Asked Noah.

โ€œI wish for this ark to only house fish.โ€ The Lord replied.

A slightly confused Noah responded โ€œOkay... I shall do as you wish my Lord.โ€

โ€œBut not just any fish; only carp.โ€ The Lord said unto him.

Noah, now more bemused, replied โ€œUh- okay my Lord.โ€

โ€œOne more thing.โ€ The Lord said unto him โ€œit needs to have multiple levels.โ€

โ€œAre you sure my Lord? What is the purpose of this? What on earth is it all for?โ€ Noah pressed.

And God said: โ€œI want you to build a multi-story carp-ark.โ€

Passed from my father unto me, to pass onto my son when he becomes a father.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dongwaffler
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I wish I was a millionaire, like my dad...

He wishes he was a millionaire, too.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 53
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ROWDY_RODDY_PEEEPER
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I said to my friend: "I wish I was a billionaire, just like my dad..."

My friend said "Whoa, your dad was a billionaire?"

I said "no, he also wished he was..."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I wish I had something to submit my report in cursive

But all I have is a printer

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/forrestree
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
If my wish doesn't come true, eyelash out
๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/robjzh5
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My grandma was famous for her delicious strawberries. She made me promise that when she died I would plant strawberries over her grave so everyone could visit and enjoy them. I fulfilled her wish.

Sheโ€™s dead and berried.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 405
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/boogerknows
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When I die my wish is to be cremated except for my funny bone

That way my humerus with my family forever.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Fairlybludgeoned
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I wish I had as much time on my hands as he does๐Ÿ˜ž reddit.com/r/Bestbuy/commโ€ฆ
๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lcbj
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I wish I had more money so that my life was bourgeoiseasier
๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Czevek13
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I want to drink my coffee, smoke my cigarette, browse reddit on my phone all at the same time but I only have 2 hands. I wish I had another set of hands for this.

I think that would be pretty handy.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ShaggyB
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I wish I still had hair so I could give this place all my money
๐Ÿ‘︎ 49
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/phoeniks26
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Wish me luck. Tomorrow I start my internship at an electric company.

Itโ€™s my induction day.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 29
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Karroul
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My girlfriend lives in another city. Last night she texted me saying "I wish you were here; the rains are beautiful".

I replied with "So...you want me to c'monsoon?"

She hasn't replied yet.

Guess she stormed out.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/srinivas-seshadri
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 09 2016
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The Genie granted my wish for longer arms, but he warned me...

My wish would have far reaching consequences.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Arkenysis
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My grandfatherโ€™s last wish was that we scatter his remains in the sea.

Everyone at the beach started freaking out though, because we didnโ€™t cremate him.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
With my last wish, I asked the genie for two more Liam Neeson kidnap movies, even though I knew I would only get Taken Four granted.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 43
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/wizard7926
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Me: "I wish I listened to what my grandma always said."

Friend: "What did she say?"
Me: "I don't know I wasn't listening"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 23
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/turtletorturer
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 23 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I wish someone adopts my grades.

I can't raise them on my own.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sagarkaniche
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 22 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I wish people wouldnโ€™t make fun of my compost pile.

Itโ€™s biodegrading.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/fungiinmygarden
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I wish my girlfriend would quit obsessing over her new sheepskin boots!

Ugg!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/norrisrw
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 20 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
"My Dad's dying wish was to have his family around him, I cant help but think he'd of been better off with more oxygen.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Angry_Daniel
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My wife was mad I didn't wish her a "Happy International Women's Day"...

I said, "But you're a Domestic Woman!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/stoneyzepplin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I wish I could eat my favorite food every day...

But thereโ€™s only one Friday.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/GilbyGrace
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
"I wish you would stop gambling!" I shouted at my son.

"You're no better yourself!" he snapped.

I said, "Exactly. That's why I don't encourage it."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TommehBoi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
We followed my dad's death bed wish and buried him covered in baked flour, tomato sauce, mozzarella cheese and pepperoni...

R.I.P dad, Rest In Pizza.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My son missed his chance to make a wish when the candles went out

He blew it.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VamanaGG
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My cousin got himself a cochlear implant today, just in time for us to wish him...

A happy new ear.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 78
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Luizltg
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My kid dadjoked me: โ€œDad, I wish I had a superpower where I could create anything I imagineโ€

Me: Like Green Lantern?

Son: Sure, I could create Green Lantern.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/vanilla_almond
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 29 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/upsidedowngrincom
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 22 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Sometimes I wish my name was Joseph King.

Name's Joseph King.
Whenever somebody asks me, "Are you joking?"
I tell 'em, "Yeah."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Soluno
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 19 2015
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I wish I had a ghost that would fix my furniture...

You know, upholstergeist

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/drschvantz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My grandfather had one dying wish...

It was to stay alive.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cykovisuals
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 06 2014
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I wish Norm was my father.. youtu.be/jNi6T72XoV4
๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Tophizzle
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 03 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
wish everyone had my father's sense of humor

Mom: "please call your dog"

Dad: "who's 'Your Dog'? pause and what's his phone number?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ALLornothing9
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 17 2013
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My grandfatherโ€™s last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

Thatโ€™s a lot of pressure.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My grandfathers last wish was that we convert his ashes into a diamond.

Thatโ€™s a lot of pressure.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My grandfatherโ€™s last wish was that we should convert his ashes into a diamond.

Thatโ€™s a lot of pressure.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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